Wazuans,
I am asking this for a non wazuan colleague . Lawyers in the forum,
A friend has an ongoing issue where there is a toi -girl,think abt 10yrs old he got with his X, but they have both married(different pple) but the guy has been supporting the dota, paying fees, etc. The toi stays with the mother. Lately the foster father has really brought issues about contact btn the two Xs effectively denying access to the girl. The girl has also been secretly transferred to another school by the custodial parents without informing the biological father.

The guy is headed to court seeking full/ joint custody. Any wazuans with experiences is such matters? what are the pitfalls/secrets?

My advice is tell him to go to a lawyer who deals in these matters and not just any lawyer. I know the biological father has rights if the reason for their separation was not abuse to the daughter.

First, @2012 is right. Get a child's lawyer, a woman is better.

Secondly, as long as the reason for separation was no abuse to child, above certain age, the child can be given custody to parent gathering for child's needs. Law restricts children below 7 years remain with mother... So at age 10, this is too old...

Thirdly, since you're the one responsible for the child you have more say on the child's welfare... You pay school fees to the school of your choice. You pay clothing for the clothes you buy. You pay medical fee for the hospital you want... not what she and her parasite husband want...

Fourthly, unfortunately, women are so "blind". They do not look at the bigger picture. They compete in matters of child not for any other reason but just to get into the man. They think hurting the child will hurt the biological father. They only see the damage to the child later when child is grown up. The woman will only regret later... What they see is money you send to her for maintenance... they want to eat their cake and have it.

From what I have been told, the current parents to the girl are able to provide to some level, but not to where my colleague wants/can. Like he wants a better school for the girl, but the custodial parents are unwilling. He went to pay fees only to be told the girl hasn't reported, and when the school called, the mother said the girl had been transferred.

Really?? I doubt it's in this guys interest and both of them are married so really there is no one trying to win another. I understand him, If your kids are going to Riara kwa mfano, why would you want their step-sister to go to a school in Kariobangi and you can afford a better school for her?

If you marry a woman who has a child, why should someone else (biological father or not) come in to take care of "your" child, and even dictating how you should run your family?

This is where there is an issue..and its the reason this guy is headed to court. Remember this child is your step child and has a biological father too who is able and willing to provide and hasn't relinquished his responsibilities.

How does he participate in shaping his daughter and instilling his values? How does he meet the daughter? In waiting till she gets 18yrs, they will be strangers to each other

Once you marry a woman all her children become your children and you take care of them all, and therefore no man should come into your home and insist to take care of "his biological child". If the man loved his daughter too much he should have married the mother. Choices have consequences. You cant have your cake and eat it.

[quote=Bigchick]

What is the way out..

I dont think the law should come in.Let biological father and mum meet and discuss the issues around the matter.Let biological father lay down his demands.It is not advisable for a baby girl to be released to the father at age 10.

The Father has a right to the Toi, 10 years or not, in any case he is married and has a wife to take care of the Kid if its a womans touch needed.
In regards to the school thing, whether its Ego or not, if the school the father wants to take the Kid is better than current he has the right to demand it, i can see how this can be an issue for the mother as if she has other Kids with the new Husband and cannot afford Riara for example, you have three kids in the house, 2 going to Kilimani primary and one Riara. I think a compromise here it needed, both sides