If a son tell his old school dad that he loves him, the father will never look at the son in the same way forever....Infact, the old man might die early due to stress

this clip was done like 10 years ago and still holds true... one of the most difficult things Fathers and grown up Sons can say to each other. Just tucked my son in bed and i told him i love him... not sure where that whole thing breaks but i guess for us africans we would rather sell our houses and everything to make our kids lives better than whisper those 3 words.. We were not socialized in this... (not in our culture). I suspect suspect if I called my dad and said those words it would be


for some people here it would go like

It is the way we are socialised. I mean which boy child does not love his father?

Umelewa?

i always wondered why it was so then i concluded that this was colonial influence at play, if you think about it, those of us whose parents grew up at the height of colonization in Kenya picked on these traits from the british who were then well known for not showing any open affection towards their loved ones, the best a colonial era british father could do to show affection to his son was a very firm handshake.
i might be stereotyping but i suspect this was the reality of those times and it influenced how our parents interacted with us.

A man doesnt need to be loved.He needs to be respected.

I am a follower of Pst. Mbevi's work. He once did a study in Kamiti and he realized that 86% of the prisoners there were fatherless or had issues with their dads is it a correlation or causation? I don't know.... I think we could do with a the removal of formality our relations with our old men - I am sure they will appreciate (I don't think they have heard those words even from their wives in a while) - bora usizoee.. but hizi ni zile vitu za "shini ya mae"


Difficult to change - will require a couple of generations to change. is it healthy? Yes it is... is it going to get taken up.. not soon unless by this new set of fathers - teach your kids how to ride bikes, take them out for swimming. play ball with them - remove formality and the rest will follow. My story, my old man never stayed at home during the day... 7am ako nje... kurudi 9pm. He paid for everything - never lacked. He did not know of another way of expressing his love than being a supplier/provider a job he excelled in. I appreciate the dude - he played the cards he had really well. Can I improve on that? Yes!! I try to be very present in my kids lives - maybe it will make a difference and them saying "I love you" will not be so much of a labour.... do you notice the body language of the guys who are saying these words for the 1st time to their old men?
https://www.youtube.com/...j55E9FI1F60&t=2m40s
it's very uncomfortable

We have made great strides.Most men now are even changing their diapers and washing their babies.They are getting in to the maternity wards during the birth of their babies.They are deliberately scheduling time to spend with their kids even though they take them to playing fields that have bars in the name of family bonding.A man's role is not just paying for stuff but participating in the lives of his kids.

Life is more complex than the way we think, what is your norm depends on how you have been socialised. What you think is progress can be viewed otherwise.
I have come to realise that a boy brought up in the village and the one brought up in town have different expectations on what is being a man. This happens to be the biggest cause of unhealthy relationships of our generation. Men and women are creatures of socialisation,and woe unto you if you socialise your male new borns to be women or you have been socialised as that.
And what is this love? ..and how is it expressed in men and women? . ..Our understanding of what is love definitely is critical in our expression or perceived expression.
Let me talk about myself and not what ought to be, because what we think ought to be is just that,because each one of us socialise our kids and manages our relationships in what we think will be the best for us and our generations to come. It pisses me when we sometimes preach how we bring up our children as if it is the gospel; as if there is no other way.

Women require affirmation, they need to be told they are loved, whatever love is because it's something nice. They need to be spoilt, once in while.

For me, if love is kindness, don't tell me, show me. . As a man respect and loyalty comes first. .but when we rear a newborn male like a woman, he will definitely require affirmation. .and then it is just lying in the bed we have laid for ourselves.
And then some of us will call it progress...my foot.