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Just for laughs...corner
butterflyke
#911 Posted : Saturday, October 29, 2011 8:02:40 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 5/1/2010
Posts: 3,024
Location: Hapa
BREAKING NEWS:
A school teacher has been arrested at The Jomo Kenyatta International Airport for attempting to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor and a scientific calculator. Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.

He is going to be charged with carrying weapons of Maths Instruction.
Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. - Muhammad Ali🐝
livie
#912 Posted : Saturday, October 29, 2011 12:37:06 PM
Rank: Veteran

Joined: 11/1/2008
Posts: 834
On a flight to Chicago, a gentleman had made several attempts to get In to the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied.

The flight attendant noticed his predicament. Sir, she said, "You May use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall."

He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons He had promised not to touch. Each button was identified by letters WW, WA, PP, and a red one Labeled ATR.

Who would know if he touched them?
He couldn't resist. He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this.

Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying
his underside.

When this stopped, he pushed the PP butt! on. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flowers to this unbelievable pleasure. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure.
When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be
supreme ecstasy.

Next thing he knew he was in a hospital as soon as he opened his eyes. A nurse was staring down at him with a smirk on her face. "What happened?" he exclaimed. "You pushed one too many buttons," replied the nurse.
"The last button marked ATR was an AutomaticTampon Remover.

Your thingy is under your pillow."
"Men Never Listen."






If you are going to be thinking only one thing, you might as well be thinking big. -Donald J . Trump
vinii
#913 Posted : Tuesday, November 01, 2011 3:58:08 PM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 10/14/2009
Posts: 2,057
Which number are you? 1,2 or 3
>

> --- *How to Measure Your Wife’s Permanency Index (Overheard last
> weekend at a ‘mbuzi’ eating occasion for Kikuyu men 40+, married and obviously drunk).* ****
>
>
> * *****
>
> *The best way to know whether your wife of many years is really in your
> homestead to stay is by carefully gauging the volume of her fart (ndore)
> when asleep. If she lets it all out in a blast or two or even in a
> monotonous series (gutororokia)with total disregard that you are in the same
> bed, imbibe whatever the outcome and say halleluiah and praise be to God for
> she is in your homestead to stay (niakenjeruo mbui gwaku)!*****
>
> * *****
>
> *If she releases a blast and rushes to apologise, hi! know there is
> something in your relationship that is bothering her and she is tense... Be
> careful, things could degenerate into war and she is just looking for a
> trigger. Find out what is bothering her and sort it out before it gets out
> of hand!*****
>
> * *****
>
> *If she farts a whisper (kamuchehu) or none at all throughout the night, or
> prefers to go to the loo to do it, mzee chunga! Most likely some of her
> clothes and personal effects may as well have been transferred to her
> sister’s house in your absence and she is just preparing for takeoff. You
> may soon find yourself cooking for yourself and the children!*****
>
> * *****
>
> *Moral: Keep a close tab on your wife’s fart no matter how unpleasant...it
> may as well save your marriage.*****
>
> >

If you are an eagle don't hang around with chickens; chickens don't fly....
kichwangumu
#914 Posted : Tuesday, November 01, 2011 5:12:50 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 6/15/2009
Posts: 106
@Vinii
Quote:
Which number are you? 1,2 or 3
>

> --- *How to Measure Your Wife’s Permanency Index (Overheard last
> weekend at a ‘mbuzi’ eating occasion for Kikuyu men 40+, married and obviously drunk).* ****
>
>
> * *****
>
> *The best way to know whether your wife of many years is really in your
> homestead to stay is by carefully gauging the volume of her fart (ndore)
> when asleep. If she lets it all out in a blast or two or even in a
> monotonous series (gutororokia)with total disregard that you are in the same
> bed, imbibe whatever the outcome and say halleluiah and praise be to God for
> she is in your homestead to stay (niakenjeruo mbui gwaku)!*****
>
> * *****
>
> *If she releases a blast and rushes to apologise, hi! know there is
> something in your relationship that is bothering her and she is tense... Be
> careful, things could degenerate into war and she is just looking for a
> trigger. Find out what is bothering her and sort it out before it gets out
> of hand!*****
>
> * *****
>
> *If she farts a whisper (kamuchehu) or none at all throughout the night, or
> prefers to go to the loo to do it, mzee chunga! Most likely some of her
> clothes and personal effects may as well have been transferred to her
> sister’s house in your absence and she is just preparing for takeoff. You
> may soon find yourself cooking for yourself and the children!*****
>
> * *****
>
> *Moral: Keep a close tab on your wife’s fart no matter how unpleasant...it
> may as well save your marriage.*****
>
> >


Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause

next mukiwa na mbuzi na hao watu uniite

BTW nitawacha kuteta mambo mrs. hunionyecha usiku na ndoree heee!!???
StatMeister
#915 Posted : Wednesday, November 02, 2011 11:36:15 AM
Rank: Veteran

Joined: 5/23/2010
Posts: 868
Location: La Islas Galápagos
The State of Affairs

On a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded:

two Italian men and one Italian woman
two French men and one French woman
two German men and one German woman
two Greek men and one Greek woman
two English men and one English woman
two Bulgarian men and one Bulgarian woman
two Japanese men and one Japanese woman
two Chinese men and one Chinese woman
two American men and one American woman
two Irish men and one Irish woman.

One month later on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:

One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman..

The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage-a-trois.

The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.

The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.

The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.

The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean and another long look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming.

The two Japanese have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.

The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, liquor, store, restaurant, laundry, and have gotten the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their store.

The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide, because the American woman keeps on complaining about her body, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees
make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, and how her relationship with her mother is improving, and how at least the taxes are low and it isn't raining..

The two Irish men divided the island into North and South and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut whiskey. But they're satisfied because at least the English aren't having any fun.
A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work
Wendz
#916 Posted : Wednesday, November 02, 2011 12:10:14 PM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 6/19/2008
Posts: 4,268
mnjoro wrote:
Wendz wrote:
mnjoro wrote:

Simon_Ndiritu_Wairia


Whaaaaaaat? @mnjoro.... this is a real person, not so? As in, its actual names of a person.

(Wairia) i thought means he who sells milk ama?


Do you know a person with those three names - precisely in that order?
mnjoro
#917 Posted : Wednesday, November 02, 2011 12:16:50 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 2/21/2009
Posts: 573
Noo but have a Nderitu friend who used to narrate a story about a stage.Ha Ndiritu wa iria.
Why do you ask kwani you know of one
nostoppingthis
#918 Posted : Wednesday, November 02, 2011 12:30:20 PM
Rank: Chief

Joined: 8/24/2009
Posts: 5,909
Location: Nairobi
Hypothetical and realistic
One day a boy comes home from school and says, "Dad, I need to know the meaning of hypothetically and realistically for school." The father replies, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with another man for 1 million dollars." The little boy goes and asks and sure enough she says yes. His dad says, "Ok now go ask your sister if she would sleep with a man for a million dollars." He does and sure enough she says yes. The father says, "You
see son, hypothetically we are sitting on 2 million dollars but realistically we are living with a couple of wh*res."
Tebes
#919 Posted : Wednesday, November 02, 2011 12:40:48 PM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 11/26/2008
Posts: 2,097
nostoppingthis wrote:
Hypothetical and realistic
One day a boy comes home from school and says, "Dad, I need to know the meaning of hypothetically and realistically for school." The father replies, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with another man for 1 million dollars." The little boy goes and asks and sure enough she says yes. His dad says, "Ok now go ask your sister if she would sleep with a man for a million dollars." He does and sure enough she says yes. The father says, "You
see son, hypothetically we are sitting on 2 million dollars but realistically we are living with a couple of wh*res."



Applause Applause Applause Applause smile
"Never regret, if its good, its wonderful. If its bad, its experience."
2012
#920 Posted : Wednesday, November 02, 2011 12:45:15 PM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 12/9/2009
Posts: 6,592
Location: Nairobi
nostoppingthis wrote:
Hypothetical and realistic
One day a boy comes home from school and says, "Dad, I need to know the meaning of hypothetically and realistically for school." The father replies, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with another man for 1 million dollars." The little boy goes and asks and sure enough she says yes. His dad says, "Ok now go ask your sister if she would sleep with a man for a million dollars." He does and sure enough she says yes. The father says, "You
see son, hypothetically we are sitting on 2 million dollars but realistically we are living with a couple of wh*res."


Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly



BBI will solve it
:)
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