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Just for laughs...corner
Rank: Member Joined: 10/16/2008 Posts: 56
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A young boy went up to his father and asked him, 'Dad, what is the Difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?' The father thought for a moment, then answered, 'Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.' So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?' The mother replied, 'Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!' The boy then went to his sister and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?' The girl replied, 'Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?' The boy then went to his brother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?' 'Of course,' the brother replied. 'Do you know what a million bucks would buy?' The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad. His father asked him, 'Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?' The boy replied, 'Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three million dollars .. But 'realistically', we're living with two hookers and a homo. ......If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart....
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 11/12/2009 Posts: 925
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.....the more reason i have to buy some serious canines.
.......A boy decided to have a dinner with his girlfriend parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 11/12/2009 Posts: 925
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/17/2008 Posts: 23,365 Location: Nairobi
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George Phillips,an elderly man,from Meridian,wasgoing to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on inthe garden shed,which she could see from the bedroom window.George opened the back door to go turn off the light,but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.He phoned the police,who asked "Is s...omeone in your house?"He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy.You shouldlock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available."George said,"Okay." "He hung up the phone and counted to 30.Then he phoned the police again."Hello,I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed.Well,you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them."and he hung up.Within five minutes,six Police Cars,a SWAT Team,a Helicopter,two Fire ...Trucks,a Paramedic,and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips'residence,and caught the burglars red-handed.One of the Policemen said to George,"I thought you said that you'd shot them!" George said,"I thought you said there was nobody available!" ..."Wewe ni mtu mdogo sana....na mwenye amekuandika pia ni mtu mdogo sana!".
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/17/2008 Posts: 23,365 Location: Nairobi
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1 day Kibaki n Raila wa invited 2 lunch by the queen of England. On arrival @ the table, they noticed tht they wa being served wt gold spoons knives n forks. Raila said 2 himself: i hav 2 steal a gold fork. But looking bt Kibaki, he realised if ws thinkin the same n if they both stole 1 they wud ...b caught so Raila decided 2 show em who ws wiser. He waited till Kibaki had stolen one n put it in his pocket then tapped his glass n said: I would like 2 show u how powerful African magic as. I wil put this fork in my pocket and it will appear in Kibaki's's pocket..so he did and it was proven..no wender the beef b2n the two. ..."Wewe ni mtu mdogo sana....na mwenye amekuandika pia ni mtu mdogo sana!".
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/17/2008 Posts: 23,365 Location: Nairobi
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A pregnant woman ws xpctng twins. 1day sh swalowd R1 n sh got som kicks it de tumy, she went to the hosptal 4 a check up. The doctor her de twins were fytng 4 dat money, she had 2 swalow anada 1 The twins started toking, twin 1 "wat r u going 2 do wit ths money wen u get out?" Twin "im gona buy a me toy gun". Twin 2, "w...at r u gona buy". Twin 1, "im gona buy me a knife 2 sturb that bald head matha faka who always come peep on us n end up throwing up on us". ..."Wewe ni mtu mdogo sana....na mwenye amekuandika pia ni mtu mdogo sana!".
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/17/2008 Posts: 23,365 Location: Nairobi
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The four newlyweds spent their honeymoon at the Niagara Falls. They occupied adjoining rooms, sat at the same table, and were inseparable.One evening after dinner as they were returning to their rooms, there was lightning and the lights went off. It was pitch dark, and groping their way they made it to their rooms, and quiet...ly undressed.Jack a religious fellow knelt to pray. Just as he completed his prayer, the lights came on that he saw that he was with his friend's wife. He jumped up and dashed for the door"Too late to hurry now," said the girl "Joe never prays!" ..."Wewe ni mtu mdogo sana....na mwenye amekuandika pia ni mtu mdogo sana!".
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/17/2008 Posts: 23,365 Location: Nairobi
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For his birthday, little Johnny asked for a 10-speed bicycle.His father said, 'Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it.' The next day the father saw little Johnny heading out the front door with a suitcase, so he asked, 'Son, ......where are you going?' Little Johnny told him; 'I was walking past your room last night, and heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her say wait, wait because she was coming too....and I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage and no bike!" ..."Wewe ni mtu mdogo sana....na mwenye amekuandika pia ni mtu mdogo sana!".
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Rank: Member Joined: 11/18/2009 Posts: 175
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Differnt perspectivesTwo female co-workers are having a conversation at work: - It was a total disaster... My Husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 minutes, got on top of me, finished having sex in 4 minutes, rolled over and fell asleep in 2 minutes!!!! How about you? - Oh it was amazing... My husband came home. He took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we took a walk for an hour. When we came home, he lit the candles around the house and we had a whole hour of foreplay. After foreplay, we had an hour long fantastic sex and after sex we talked for an hour. It was like in a fairytale!!!!! At the same time their husbands are talking at work: - Did you have good sex last night? Yes, it was great! I came home dinner was on the table, I ate chap chap, screwed my wife and fell asleep immediately after! What about you? - It was horrible!!! I came home, there was no dinner, because they disconnected the electricity cause I didn't pay the bill. In return, I had to take my wife out for dinner and the dinner was so damn expensive that we didn't have money for a cab! So we had to walk home for an hour. I was so angry when we came home that I couldn't get it..... After I finally did, I was so mad and aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep for another whole hour!! Some you win some you lose
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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/1/2009 Posts: 2,436
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I like this guy!!!
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A customer at a supermarket asked a shelf packer if he could buy half a cucumber. The packer went to ask his boss and said: "There is an idiot there who wants half a cucumber".
Unfortunately the customer was standing right behind him. When the shelf packer realized this, he quickly added,"Oh, and this gentleman wants the other half."
Later, the boss told him he was impressed by his fast thinking and asked him where he came from.
"I come from Chitungwiza" he said and added "nothing much comes from there except musicians and prostitutes"
To which the boss said "Oh really? My wife comes from there".
The shelf packer’s quick response was: "Is that right? What instrument does she play?"
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