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Child custody - married parents
tnai9
#51 Posted : Tuesday, January 10, 2017 4:42:15 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 6/21/2010
Posts: 345
Location: easto
Intelligentsia wrote:

Court would deem the best environment would be within the family set up which the biological man cannot offer,and which the step dad is providing.
And so kid would go to new family set up, thereby denying biological dad custody of his little ka daddy/ ka mummy.



Biological father is married..the kid will have a step mother..

As an aside I am not sure who is better between a step mother and a step father?

"The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence." ― Charles Bukowski
hardwood
#52 Posted : Tuesday, January 10, 2017 4:51:28 PM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 7/28/2015
Posts: 9,562
Location: Rodi Kopany, Homa Bay
Angelica _ann wrote:
@Intelligentsia, nice piece though some rights cannot be take away provided the laid down guidelines are followed by the biological father e.g. visitation, basic support, treatment, na kadhalika!!!!


Surely the "biological" cant be buying unga, nyama, medicine, clothes, paying fees etc for only his kid while the other kids in his X's new family are impoverished. It's either he supports all kids or none.
hardwood
#53 Posted : Tuesday, January 10, 2017 4:54:09 PM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 7/28/2015
Posts: 9,562
Location: Rodi Kopany, Homa Bay
tnai9 wrote:
Intelligentsia wrote:

Court would deem the best environment would be within the family set up which the biological man cannot offer,and which the step dad is providing.
And so kid would go to new family set up, thereby denying biological dad custody of his little ka daddy/ ka mummy.



Biological father is married..the kid will have a step mother..

As an aside I am not sure who is better between a step mother and a step father?



A child is best raised by her/his mother. So the best combination would be Child + mother + step dad.
Angelica _ann
#54 Posted : Tuesday, January 10, 2017 4:56:46 PM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 12/7/2012
Posts: 11,935
hardwood wrote:
Angelica _ann wrote:
@Intelligentsia, nice piece though some rights cannot be take away provided the laid down guidelines are followed by the biological father e.g. visitation, basic support, treatment, na kadhalika!!!!


Surely the "biological" cant be buying unga, nyama, medicine, clothes, paying fees etc for only his kid while the other kids in his X's new family are impoverished. It's either he supports all kids or none.

You guys dont want support yet one fainted yesterday at JKIA while going to look for support from #Makueni!!!!

Anyway am sure in the children's act what can be done is defined. Let me look for it.
In the business world, everyone is paid in two coins - cash and experience. Take the experience first; the cash will come later - H Geneen
alma1
#55 Posted : Tuesday, January 10, 2017 5:06:47 PM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 9/19/2015
Posts: 2,871
Location: hapo
tnai can you believe that I'm actually going to agree with hardwood?

It seems your friend has a case of sour grapes and he needs to grow up a bit. He's not the first father to watch his kid grow with another man.

The issue is that yes he has rights to be a PARENT to the kid. Not to pay her school fees.

When you say that he'd prefer that his daughter goes to a better school. That's a good thing. However, he should stop interfering with the family of a woman he left 10 years ago.

I can't see how a court removes that child and gives it to him simply because he has more money. Hiyo ni madharau.

How would you feel if you were the new man ati your kids are being taken to kamukunji primary school and some fella who dumped the daughter ati says his is special. Aende makini.

Will your friend now insist that his daughter takes weetabix when her step brothers and sisters take uji?

There's no court that's going to help him. They'll just say he's the biological father. But a woman can also refuse financial help from a man....You can't force her to take your money...Hiyo weka kwa child fund or something..

Lakini going to insist sijui your kid goes to which school is very bad behavior.

He should talk with them like a man and offer his help as a PARENT. Not an ATM machine...

If I was the new man kwanza I'd be in Ethiopia by now. Don't interfere with other people's families. Especially when you say he's the one who left..

It is not the work of courts to destroy one family to make one rich man happy. Let him tetea himself to be a helper to his child but asiletee huyo jamaa mwingine nyef nyef kwa nyumba yake...He has waited 10 years he can wait another 8 before buying her a phone.
Thieves are not good people. Tumeelewana?

Sansa
#56 Posted : Tuesday, January 10, 2017 6:25:30 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 3/19/2013
Posts: 344
If the mother had previously allowed him to have contact with his daughter but now refuses to allow him then something must have changed. Yes, the father has a right to see his kid but if he does things that irritate the custodial parents then of course they wont want him coming around.

Why did he give the kid a phone. Had he spoken with the mom about that phone? Does he know what decisions have been made about kids having cell phones in that house?

Were his visits to the kid consistent or was he turning up when he felt like it? Does he know how the visits were affecting the kid afterwards.

Was he bringing his kid around his other family and if so how were those people treating the kid?

This school he wants to take the kid to, is it somewhere the current parents can easily drop her/pick her? Can their other kids go to the same or a similar school?

Impunity
#57 Posted: : Tuesday, January 10, 2017 6:28:07 PM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 3/2/2009
Posts: 26,331
Location: Masada
tnai9 wrote:
Wazuans,
I am asking this for a non wazuan colleague smile . Lawyers in the forum,
A friend has an ongoing issue where there is a toi -girl,think abt 10yrs old he got with his X, but they have both married(different pple) but the guy has been supporting the dota, paying fees, etc. The toi stays with the mother. Lately the foster father has really brought issues about contact btn the two Xs effectively denying access to the girl. The girl has also been secretly transferred to another school by the custodial parents without informing the biological father.

The guy is headed to court seeking full/ joint custody. Any wazuans with experiences is such matters? what are the pitfalls/secrets?



The guy (aka colleague) is stupid.

Portfolio: Sold
You know you've made it when you get a parking space for your yatcht.

githundi
#58 Posted : Tuesday, January 10, 2017 9:45:42 PM
Rank: Veteran

Joined: 11/19/2010
Posts: 1,308
Location: nairobi metropolitan
hardwood wrote:
No man should interfere with the affairs of another man's home.

Depends on the community (ies) they come from.
If they are Kikuyus...I agree with you.
The baby belongs to the man the lady has married.
Democracy does not belong to the dead
2012
#59 Posted : Tuesday, January 10, 2017 11:13:47 PM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 12/9/2009
Posts: 6,592
Location: Nairobi
Always saddens me when a child is in the middle of these battles. Something is very wrong with us humans that two irresponsible adults need to go see one adult (judge) to sort out their mess. Can't they sit look at the options and come up with the obvious conclusion the judge would arrive at and implement for the sake of the child??? This tag of war for the young girl because they both 'love' her too much is simply, pure nonsense. It could scar her for life.

BBI will solve it
:)
washiku
#60 Posted : Tuesday, January 10, 2017 11:32:43 PM
Rank: Chief

Joined: 5/9/2007
Posts: 13,095
That man needs 6 canes on his buttocks, plus a whole week of cleaning streets. Only such 'childish' punishment can drive some sense to his 'childish' brain.

There is more to bringing up a child than flashing cash around. Does he even care about that child really, or he is in this for his ego?

Taking that girl to a different school from the other kids, buying her expensive gadgets, cloths and whatever else just puts her into a collision course with the other kids. The kind of mental torture those other kids might put her through just because of such treatment would lender her mental status completely messed up and not even Makini or Riara would correct the damage.

You can imagine these kids deciding they wont talk or play with her simply because she is the special one(remember watoto ni watoto and such treatment is not far fetched. It even happens to real brothers and sisters, sembuse huyu wa 'nje'). The father-daughter visits going forward would mean he would be spending time wiping her tears as she narrates to him how she is hated by the other children. I wonder whether that would make him love her more.

Further, the mere reason of showing that girl she is more privileged/superior than/to the other kids is in itself immoral. That is not how to bring up kids. You should not implant 'classes' to such kids at their age. As much as humanly possible, children should know all kids are equal. They are supposed to be taught how to share whatever much or little they have, not to have mobile phones while their siblings cant afford them. This man is trying to sow seeds in her that he might live to regret.

One more fact is that as long us that girl is living a generally good/decent life, she is safer with the mother than with a step mother. Majority of children raised by step mothers will give hallowing stories of the kind of things they were taken through by their step mothers. Now why would this man want such a life for his daughter who he allegedly loves yet her real mum is still alive? Do you know how much many children would pay just to be with their mums regardless of how rich or poor their mums are?

Finally, the court is just a bigger torture for the kid. The easiest would be to sit down as adults and agree maturely how to handle the situation going forward, and he shouldn't go there with his big ego. Honestly, he is being done a favor. He has a right to see his child, but the child's mental well-being should be more superior a consideration that his mental well-being. I am sure he can handle not seeing the daughter every day easier than the girl can handle the kind of ridicule he is about to put her through.

Actually if he wants a kind of happy life for the girl, he may consider supporting her education in the school her current parents chose, as long us its decent. He might even consider going the extra mile and treating all the children when he decides to so that his daughter will never grow an evil ego like his. Kama ni nguo, si anunulie tu wote and his girl will be dressed decently as he wishes and the other kids will not feel left out. When they are of age and able to understand, they shall chose what to do with their lives. As much he has a right to his daughter, he should, as a parent, also consider what picture he will paint to the other children.

The other man also have a responsibility to protect the other children from 'ridicule' from this one girl. Imagine her bragging to them all the time the way their school is big, has this and that and they are there asking their dad why he takes the other girl to a different school and them to a bad school. How do you answer that as a man? How do you start explaining to the other kids that its the other dad who pays for the older girl, but me as your dad I cant afford what the other dad does. How can that even work. What kind of a family would survive that way. Its usually hard for a man to explain why he can't buy his kids what their neighbors have, imagine now explaining this situation to these dot.com kids.

Money should not be a substitute to common-sense.
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