And now I can sleep. You've made my day & night.

A man who makes caskets was on his way to deliver one of the coffins when his car broke down.

Trying not to be late, he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination.


Some policemen saw him and wanted to make some money off him (bribe), so they challenged him:

'Hey!!! What are you carrying and where are you going?!'

The man said, 'I do not like where I was buried, so I am relocating'.


The Policemen hehehehhehehe...i think they asked for transfer

EPL version of a Classic Joke


After 6 seasons dismal performance , Arsenal's manager , Wenger (Mr Bean) decides to visit Sir Alex Ferguson at Old Trafford and inquire how he makes Man U perform. He asks him what his coaching philosophy is. He says that it
is to surround himself with intelligent players...

He asks how he
knows if they're
intelligent.
"I do so by asking them
the right questions," says
...Sir Alex Ferguson.
"Allow me to
demonstrate."
There on the pitch, he calls ROONEY and says, " Rooney,please answer
this question: Your mother
has a child, and your
father has a child, and
this
child is not your brother or
sister. Who is it?"
ROONEY responds,
"It's me, coach"
Says Rooney.
"Correct"Did you get that,
Mr. WENGER?"
"Yes. Thanks a lot.
I'll definitely be using
that!"
Upon returning to
EMIRATES, he decides he'd
better
try the test on his players. He summons
Van persie and says,
I wonder if
you can answer a question
for me." "Why, of
course, coach. What's on your
mind?"
"Uh, your mother has a
child, and your father has
a child, and this
child is not your brother or
your sister. Who is it?"
Van Persie hems and
haws and finally asks, "Can
I think about it and get
back to you?"
Wenger agrees, and Van Persie
leaves. He immediately
calls DROGBA and
explains his problem.
"Now look here Didier,
your mother has a child,
and your father has a
child, and this child is not
your brother, or your
sister. Who is it?"
Drogba answers
immediately,
"It's me, of course, you
dumb a**."
Much relieved, Van Persie
rushes back to Wenger and exclaims," I
know the answer, sir! I
know who it is! It's
DIDIER DROGBA!"
And WENGER replies in
disgust," You Idiot! Its ROONEY!!''

C&P

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the
church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's
business. Several members did not approve of her extracurricular
activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member,
of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front
of the town's only bar one afternoon.

She emphatically told Frank (and several others) that every one
seeing it there WOULD KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOING !

Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just
turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny.
He said nothing.

Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front of
Mildred's house... walked home... and left it there all night.

This should be taken seriously!!!

Liquor manufacturers have accepted the Government's suggestion that the following
warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in getting your ass kicked.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~