They new goalkeeper of the japanese national soccer team is called DUKIMOTO SISHIKI

Manufacturers of Durex condoms ran an award winning advert on fathers day.

"TO ALL THOSE WHO USE OUR COMPETITORS PRODUCTS, HAPPY FATHERS DAY!"

> The Smiths were unable to conceive children,
> and decided to use a
> surrogate
> father to start their family. On the day the
> proxy father was to arrive,
> Mr.
> Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The
> man should be here soon.
>
> "Half an hour later, just by chance, a
> door-to-door baby photographer
> rang
> the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
> "Good morning madam. I've come to..."
> "Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting
> you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
> "Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good!
> I've made a specialty of
> babies."
> "That's what my husband and I had hoped.
> Please come in and have a
> seat.
> " After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well,
> where do we start?"
> "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in
> the bathtub, one on the
> couch
> and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the
> living room floor is fun
> too... you can really spread out!"
>
> "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't
> work for Harry and me."
> "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good
> one every time. But if we
> try
> several different positions and I shoot from six
> or seven angles, I'm
> sure
> you'll be pleased with the results."
>
> "My, my, that's a lot of..." gasped Mrs. Smith.
>
> "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his
> time. I'd love to be in
> and
> out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed
> with that, I'm sure."
> "Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith muttered.
> The photographer opened his briefcase and
> pulled out a portfolio of his
> baby pictures.
>
> "This was done on the top of a bus." "Oh my
> gawd!!" Mrs. Smith
> exclaimed,
> tugging at her handkerchief.
> "And these twins turned out exceptionally well,
> when you consider their
> mother was so difficult to work with."
> "She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
>
> "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her
> to the park to get the
> job
> done right. People were crowding around four and
> five deep, pushing to
> get
> a
> good look."
> "Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes
> widened in amazement.
> "Yes," the photographer said. "And for more
> than three hours, too. The
> mother was constantly squealing and yelling, I
> could hardly concentrate!
> Then darkness approached and I began to rush my
> shots. Finally, when
> the
> squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just
> packed it all in."
>
> Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they
> actually chewed on your um...
> equipment?"
> "That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready,
> I'll set up my tripod so
> that
> we can get to work."
>
> "Tripod??" "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to
> rest my Canon on. It's
> much
> too big for me to hold for very long.
>
>
>
> Good Lord, she's fainted!!!

The guilty are afraid..


One evening after work, a man drove his secretary home after she had a
little too much to drink at a party.

Although nothing happened, he decided not to mention it to his wife.

Later that night, the man and his wife were driving to a movie when he
spotted a high-heeled shoe hidden under the passenger seat.

Pointing to something out the passenger window to distract his wife, he
picked up the shoe and tossed it out of his window.

They arrived at the movie house a short time later and were about to
get out of the car when his wife asked,

"Honey, have you seen my other shoe?"