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mlefu		#581 Posted : Tuesday, March 22, 2011 7:59:19 PM
Rank: Elder Joined: 2/11/2007 Posts: 1,680 Location: nairobi		CP MUTHAIGA GOLF CLUB RULES. 1. Each player should furnish his own equipment for play. 2. Play on the course should be approved by the owner of the hole. 3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out. 4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to... check the shaft stiffness before play. 5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole. 6. The objective of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play in the course again. 7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to the well formed bunkers. 8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played, or are currently playing, to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage players equipment for this reason. 9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection. 10. Players should assure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they considered to be a private course. 11. Players should not assume that a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternative means of play when this is the case. 12. The course owner is responsible for manicuring and pruning any bush around the hole to allow for improved viewing of, alignment with, and approach to the hole. 13. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before attempting to play the back nine. 14. Slow play is encouraged. However players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily at the course owners request. 15. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match
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Tebes		#582 Posted : Wednesday, March 23, 2011 8:48:09 AM
Rank: Elder Joined: 11/26/2008 Posts: 2,097		vinii wrote: SOMO LA KISWAHILI- NGELI YA TAFSIRI Kiswahili on softwares & websites... Kiswahili is the funniest of all languages. At least where computers are concerned. Now that I hear they will soon be releasing software and websites in swahili, I went ahead and gave them a few translations to some of the things we are used to using in English. On Microsoft Word... Save- Okoa Shift cells right- Peleka Jela zote kulia Insert- Ingiza Redo- Fanya tena Undo- Fanyua Insert table- Ingiza meza Insert break- Ingiza na uvunje Select all- Chagua wote Cut- Tahirisha Change Case- Badilisha Kesi Upper case- Kesi ya juu Lower case- Kesi ya hali ya chini Italize- Fanya jambo kama waitaliano On the internet Go- Kwenda Facebook- Kitabu cha nyuso MySpace- Mahala pangu Yahoo- Ya nani Google- Jina lisilo na maana. Latamkwa sana sana na watoto wanaojifunza kuongea Inbox- Sanduku la ndani Outbox- Sanduku la nje Search- Sorora/Sakanya Click here- Pigia mdomo hapa Sign out- Peleka saini nje Download- Mzigo uliyo chini Hits- Kutwangwa mara mingi Bookmark- Alama kwenye kitabu Back- Mgongo Home page- Ukurasa wa nyumbani Log in- Mti ndani Log out- Mti nje So have a great swahili day, won't you? In addition; Make google your home page - Fanya google Kama nyumbani kwako New window - Dirisha mpya Save location - Okoa tarafa View - Maoni *"Never regret, if its good, its wonderful. If its bad, its experience."*
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bkismat		#583 Posted : Wednesday, March 23, 2011 8:55:58 AM
Rank: Elder Joined: 10/23/2009 Posts: 2,375		mlefu wrote: CP MUTHAIGA GOLF CLUB RULES. 1. Each player should furnish his own equipment for play. 2. Play on the course should be approved by the owner of the hole. 3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out. 4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to... check the shaft stiffness before play. 5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole. 6. The objective of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play in the course again. 7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to the well formed bunkers. 8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played, or are currently playing, to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage players equipment for this reason. 9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection. 10. Players should assure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they considered to be a private course. 11. Players should not assume that a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternative means of play when this is the case. 12. The course owner is responsible for manicuring and pruning any bush around the hole to allow for improved viewing of, alignment with, and approach to the hole. 13. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before attempting to play the back nine. 14. Slow play is encouraged. However players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily at the course owners request. 15. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt... -Mark Twain
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nostoppingthis		#584 Posted : Wednesday, March 23, 2011 9:34:29 AM
Rank: Chief Joined: 8/24/2009 Posts: 5,909 Location: Nairobi		@Mlefu/bkismat....new vocabulary for Airports and pinetrees
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marex		#585 Posted : Monday, March 28, 2011 9:12:34 PM
Rank: Member Joined: 10/4/2007 Posts: 656		A Manchester United fan, a Liverpol fan, a Chelsea and an Arsenal fan get hungry in the wilderness. They catch an antelope and Kill it.After animal is slaughtered the LIVERpool fan declares, I will eat the LIVER. The ManCHESTer united declares I will eat the CHEST. while the ASSenal fan declares..I will eat the ASS...while the ChelSHIT fan declares, I will eat the SHIT in the ASS The way I am
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marex		#586 Posted : Tuesday, March 29, 2011 10:36:09 AM
Rank: Member Joined: 10/4/2007 Posts: 656		Richard Branson was considering putting up a bid for Arsenal.Apparently,he pulled out because he didn't feel it was right to have 'Virgin' written across the shirt of a team that gets screwed every Saturday The way I am
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vinii		#587 Posted : Friday, April 01, 2011 1:53:17 PM
Rank: Elder Joined: 10/14/2009 Posts: 2,057		· IS IT TRUE? Luhya women don't 'get laid', they get 'benched'.... · Jimmy Gathu aki***** Muliro Gardens he will find that there is nothing to tap into his calculator: Rent=0 lodging=0 dinner=0..... · That Muliro Gardens mama gives a whole new meaning to bench-press.... · It Safe to say that in Kakamega they don't have Chairmen but Benchmen... · Overheard “tunaomba serikali iweke cushions kwa bench ya muliro na Tents” · In Kakamega they don't 'chips funga', they 'bench press.' · The guy who benched the fat lady has the solution to the BIG BANG THEORY...... · Father and son at a rugby game... Son: Father..why are there so many Luhyas on the field at one go during the game Father: They don't want to risk sending the Luhyas to the bench son... · Welcome to the BENCH where we are ALL SEX ALL THE TIME. What a bench! What a garden! and its allslippery, Ladies and gentlemen, its not over until the fat lady comes. You simply cannot make this up!..... · Unlucky is the man who decides to make a flute from the bench at Muliro Gardens ... · Kenyan lodgings have finally gone green...... · At least there are cops at Muliro Gardens so they have protected sex..... If you are an eagle don't hang around with chickens; chickens don't fly....
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vinii		#588 Posted : Friday, April 01, 2011 1:54:37 PM
Rank: Elder Joined: 10/14/2009 Posts: 2,057		Subject: Gujarati Woman speaking Kiswahili Gujrati woman talking to a prospective servant: * 'Anza kazi bele subui sa moja, faya maji moto, fagia chali, safisa guo, safisa sufuria na sani, faya pasi, hapana enda jikoni, cho koinda inje, ogha inje, magheni kuja hapana faya kalele, maliza kazi usiku, chakula juu yangu, lala juu yangu, shillingi Ishrini mezi, taka faya to faya, hapana taka faya to hapana faya'. 'Lekini mama lala juu yako, iyo hapana wesa.' 'A re pitya, kama hapana lala juu yangu, apana wesa anza kazi subui saa moja'. +++++++++++++++++++ Gujarati women talk to ' mali mali ' the push cart people who sell utensils in exchange for used clothes in barter system way. 'Rudi badaye saa nane, saa hi bwana na lala. Halafu mimi ta towa guvo yangu yote. +++++++++++++++++++ -- If you are an eagle don't hang around with chickens; chickens don't fly....
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Mwende		#589 Posted : Friday, April 01, 2011 2:11:12 PM
Rank: Member Joined: 7/29/2009 Posts: 217		...hold me in your arms, like that Spanish guitar… all night long!!!
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Mwende		#590 Posted : Friday, April 01, 2011 2:25:28 PM
Rank: Member Joined: 7/29/2009 Posts: 217		wat was he trying again??? ...hold me in your arms, like that Spanish guitar… all night long!!!
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McReggae		#591 Posted : Friday, April 01, 2011 2:25:49 PM
Rank: Elder Joined: 6/17/2008 Posts: 23,365 Location: Nairobi		vinii wrote: · IS IT TRUE? Luhya women don't 'get laid', they get 'benched'.... · Jimmy Gathu aki*** Muliro Gardens he will find that there is nothing to tap into his calculator: Rent=0 lodging=0 dinner=0..... · That Muliro Gardens mama gives a whole new meaning to bench-press.... · It Safe to say that in Kakamega they don't have Chairmen but Benchmen... · Overheard “tunaomba serikali iweke cushions kwa bench ya muliro na Tents” · In Kakamega they don't 'chips funga', they 'bench press.' · The guy who benched the fat lady has the solution to the BIG BANG THEORY...... · Father and son at a rugby game... Son: Father..why are there so many Luhyas on the field at one go during the game Father: They don't want to risk sending the Luhyas to the bench son... · Welcome to the BENCH where we are ALL SEX ALL THE TIME. What a bench! What a garden! and its allslippery, Ladies and gentlemen, its not over until the fat lady comes. You simply cannot make this up!..... · Unlucky is the man who decides to make a flute from the bench at Muliro Gardens ... · Kenyan lodgings have finally gone green...... · At least there are cops at Muliro Gardens so they have protected sex..... ..."Wewe ni mtu mdogo sana....na mwenye amekuandika pia ni mtu mdogo sana!".**
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bwenyenye		#592 Posted : Friday, April 01, 2011 2:46:31 PM
Rank: Elder Joined: 5/24/2007 Posts: 1,805		Mwende wrote: wat was he trying again??? That is a real mohigne Made my Friday!! I Think Therefore I Am
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Wendz		#593 Posted : Friday, April 01, 2011 4:31:19 PM
Rank: Elder Joined: 6/19/2008 Posts: 4,268		He is just marking his territory.... that's all. Mwende wrote: wat was he trying again???
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dossy7		#594 Posted : Friday, April 01, 2011 4:41:04 PM
Rank: Elder Joined: 12/9/2009 Posts: 1,491 Location: Nairobi		McReggae wrote: vinii wrote: · IS IT TRUE? Luhya women don't 'get laid', they get 'benched'.... · Jimmy Gathu aki***** Muliro Gardens he will find that there is nothing to tap into his calculator: Rent=0 lodging=0 dinner=0..... · That Muliro Gardens mama gives a whole new meaning to bench-press.... · It Safe to say that in Kakamega they don't have Chairmen but Benchmen... · Overheard “tunaomba serikali iweke cushions kwa bench ya muliro na Tents” · In Kakamega they don't 'chips funga', they 'bench press.' · The guy who benched the fat lady has the solution to the BIG BANG THEORY...... · Father and son at a rugby game... Son: Father..why are there so many Luhyas on the field at one go during the game Father: They don't want to risk sending the Luhyas to the bench son... · Welcome to the BENCH where we are ALL SEX ALL THE TIME. What a bench! What a garden! and its allslippery, Ladies and gentlemen, its not over until the fat lady comes. You simply cannot make this up!..... · Unlucky is the man who decides to make a flute from the bench at Muliro Gardens ... · Kenyan lodgings have finally gone green...... · At least there are cops at Muliro Gardens so they have protected sex..... Kenya ni yetu sisi sote
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2012		#595 Posted : Friday, April 08, 2011 5:45:16 PM
Rank: Elder Joined: 12/9/2009 Posts: 6,592 Location: Nairobi		BBI will solve it :)
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vinii		#596 Posted : Wednesday, April 13, 2011 7:25:07 AM
Rank: Elder Joined: 10/14/2009 Posts: 2,057		HEHE… A beautiful woman having drinks alone in the lobby of a posh Sandton hotel is approached by a Nigerian man who buys her a drink and starts chatting her up. She notices the Rolex on his wrist. 'Oh my God! That's the biggest wristwatch I've ever seen.' 'Well, my dear, I come from Nigeria . In Nigeria , everything is big.' Later, his phone rings. She gasps at its size. 'Oh my God! That's the biggest phone I've ever seen.' 'My dear, didn't I tell you? In Nigeria , everything is big.' Later, as he's settling the bill, she sees his wallet. 'Oh my God! That's the biggest wallet I've ever seen.' 'My dear, didn't I tell you? In Nigeria , everything is big.' By this time, she's downright impressed and when he asks her to spend the night with him at his house, she eagerly agrees. Waiting for them outside is his limo. 'Oh my God! This is the biggest car I've ever seen.' 'My dear, didn't I tell you? In Nigeria , everything is big.' This process is repeated when she sees his mansion, his Jacuzzi and the size of his bed. When he takes off his clothes she cannot believe her eyes. 'Oh my God! That's the biggest dick I've ever seen.' 'But my dear, why are you surprised? I've been telling you all night long; in Nigeria , everything is big.' At this point she takes off her clothes and they start shagging. Five seconds into it, the Nigerian man jumps up off the bed. He is visibly angry, calls a cab and orders her to leave his house. 'But everything was going so well! What did I do wrong?' 'I HATE LIARS! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE ALSO FROM NIGERIA--- If you are an eagle don't hang around with chickens; chickens don't fly....
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2012		#597 Posted : Wednesday, April 13, 2011 11:37:31 AM
Rank: Elder Joined: 12/9/2009 Posts: 6,592 Location: Nairobi		vinii wrote: HEHE… WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE ALSO FROM NIGERIA--- BBI will solve it :)
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wakagori		#598 Posted : Wednesday, April 13, 2011 11:57:51 AM
Rank: Member Joined: 7/12/2010 Posts: 201		A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing. The bewildered priest cough to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally, the drunk replies, “No use knocking, there’s no paper in this one either.”
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sharoi		#599 Posted : Friday, April 15, 2011 10:56:13 PM
Rank: Hello Joined: 4/10/2011 Posts: 1 Location: nairobi		Jst 4 laugh ya kenya ama?
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bkismat		#600 Posted : Saturday, April 16, 2011 11:01:11 AM
Rank: Elder Joined: 10/23/2009 Posts: 2,375		A wife buys an airtel line to surprise her husband. Later in the evening while the husband is in the sitting room and she is in the kitchen, she decides to use the new line to call her husband. She says, "Hello Darling..", and the husband replies, " kata nitakupigia, hi ng'ombe yangu iko jikoni". It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt... -Mark Twain
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