Wazua
»
Club SK
»
Culture
»
Are fathers trading their daughters?
Rank: Veteran Joined: 9/7/2010 Posts: 1,063 Location: Kenya
|
...No the negotiator is not an idiot. He is a very clever man and respected member of this country.We carried ourselves with enough respect and dignity. We did not want to look like we were buying a plot in Kamulu and hence not much bargaining happened. There is no cash that we gave out freely boss... ...@Swenani...Unacheka nini na hujaoa...Hata kuomba vitu sijui kama unajua...Labda ufunzwe na huyo MP wa Juja kuomba vitu... T he MP
1. '' Ulikataa nikule hizo vitu na vile nazimezea mate. Now i am employing another person on your behalf. Hii dunia kila kitu ni nipe nikupe. Ken will give you the other details on how to to clear from the office. Goodbye'' sent on 23/10/2014
|
|
|
Rank: Elder Joined: 7/23/2008 Posts: 3,017
|
Why can't one go in his Merc/range etc. Hii mambo ya kuficha mali to get a lesser price sounds double edged, surely, the bride to be has a rough idea of how much cash you are worth, what car you drive etc. I have no issue with dowry negotiations and the issue of being fleeced should not be there, I think the wise thing is to agree before hand how much one should pay with the girls side, you then play those games within the agreed rules etc. People who want you to take a loan to pay for your bride probably don't want you as a son in law. "The purpose of bureaucracy is to compensate for incompetence and lack of discipline." James Collins
|
|
|
Rank: User Joined: 8/15/2013 Posts: 13,237 Location: Vacuum
|
Atalaku wrote:...No the negotiator is not an idiot. He is a very clever man and respected member of this country.We carried ourselves with enough respect and dignity. We did not want to look like we were buying a plot in Kamulu and hence not much bargaining happened. There is no cash that we gave out freely boss... ...@Swenani...Unacheka nini na hujaoa...Hata kuomba vitu sijui kama unajua...Labda ufunzwe na huyo MP wa Juja kuomba vitu... T he MP
1. '' Ulikataa nikule hizo vitu na vile nazimezea mate. Now i am employing another person on your behalf. Hii dunia kila kitu ni nipe nikupe. Ken will give you the other details on how to to clear from the office. Goodbye'' sent on 23/10/2014 You just made me google the last part.Kumbe niko nyumba sana! Quote:The MP
1. ” Ulikataa nikule hizo vitu na vile nazimezea mate. Now i am employing another person on your behalf. Hii dunia kila kitu ni nipe nikupe. Ken will give you the other details on how to to clear from the office. Goodbye” sent on 23/10/2014
2. ”I can see even you are supporting Kabogo’s brother on that nonsense he posted on Kalimoni group. I thought of paying you through CDF because I removed you from PSC through anger even CDF you will not get. Nowadays it is unipe nikupe my friend.Dont think Kangethe will take you anywhere. Try and see” sent on 31/10/2014
3. ” The worst mistake can be if you are used by Kabogo fanatics to spoil my name. All secrets from my office should be left there or else you will regret”
Susan replied
” I like that sir, As you can see I have not replied to your messages since the first one. I would rather be jobless than leave my husband and be a mistress. You own Juja but you don’t own Kenya. The same God who made you an MP without sleeping with anyone is the same God who will bless me. Do me a favor and leave me alone. Employ the ones who will sleep with you all you want mimi apana. And on Facebook I have the right to comment to whomever i want." If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
|
|
|
Rank: User Joined: 1/20/2014 Posts: 3,528
|
Swenani wrote:Atalaku wrote:...No the negotiator is not an idiot. He is a very clever man and respected member of this country.We carried ourselves with enough respect and dignity. We did not want to look like we were buying a plot in Kamulu and hence not much bargaining happened. There is no cash that we gave out freely boss... ...@Swenani...Unacheka nini na hujaoa...Hata kuomba vitu sijui kama unajua...Labda ufunzwe na huyo MP wa Juja kuomba vitu... T he MP
1. '' Ulikataa nikule hizo vitu na vile nazimezea mate. Now i am employing another person on your behalf. Hii dunia kila kitu ni nipe nikupe. Ken will give you the other details on how to to clear from the office. Goodbye'' sent on 23/10/2014 You just made me google the last part.Kumbe niko nyumba sana! Quote:The MP
1. ” Ulikataa nikule hizo vitu na vile nazimezea mate. Now i am employing another person on your behalf. Hii dunia kila kitu ni nipe nikupe. Ken will give you the other details on how to to clear from the office. Goodbye” sent on 23/10/2014
2. ”I can see even you are supporting Kabogo’s brother on that nonsense he posted on Kalimoni group. I thought of paying you through CDF because I removed you from PSC through anger even CDF you will not get. Nowadays it is unipe nikupe my friend.Dont think Kangethe will take you anywhere. Try and see” sent on 31/10/2014
3. ” The worst mistake can be if you are used by Kabogo fanatics to spoil my name. All secrets from my office should be left there or else you will regret”
Susan replied
” I like that sir, As you can see I have not replied to your messages since the first one. I would rather be jobless than leave my husband and be a mistress. You own Juja but you don’t own Kenya. The same God who made you an MP without sleeping with anyone is the same God who will bless me. Do me a favor and leave me alone. Employ the ones who will sleep with you all you want mimi apana. And on Facebook I have the right to comment to whomever i want." Straight girl right there, makofi kwa Susan  Formal education will make you a living. Self-education will make you a fortune - Jim Rohn.
|
|
|
Rank: Elder Joined: 2/7/2007 Posts: 11,935 Location: Nairobi
|
Obi 1 Kanobi wrote:Why can't one go in his Merc/range etc. Hii mambo ya kuficha mali to get a lesser price sounds double edged, surely, the bride to be has a rough idea of how much cash you are worth, what car you drive etc.
I have no issue with dowry negotiations and the issue of being fleeced should not be there, I think the wise thing is to agree before hand how much one should pay with the girls side, you then play those games within the agreed rules etc.
People who want you to take a loan to pay for your bride probably don't want you as a son in law. @Obi, You can.Indeed,you should. The whole meaning is lost the moment the other family sees Mr. Moneybags instead of a son-in-law. At the time you settle on a visiting day,shouldn't the lady have let you in on what to expect? It's the norm. In serious relationships,the girl actually dictates how much she is "worth" but that does not mean mind games won't be played.Overall,bad signs are ever present and as ever,men have never been quick especially where heart matters are involved. @Magigi, I would think i know where the problem is in this case.First,you got a written list and played gentlemen.Now you want a dowry manual.  .In some families,the moment you opened your wallets would have meant some nyahunyos on your backs.Ni ng'ombe mmkuja kununua? Your team was a disaster from the start Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
|
|
|
Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
|
quicksand wrote:Pole mzee, as you have been told earlier, you were cleaned out. The 'opening of the gate' rituals I have seen didnt have money changing hands, but goods, like abig banana branch, some ngwacis and ndumas. Terrible precedent you have set.
Now you must not be in any hurry to make a successive visit. Cool your heels for a good few months, with little to no contact, let the kin demolish the juicy 35k you left them first; This will give them the impression that you know you were fleeced and are not happy about it. Get a new hardnosed negotiator who can dig in their heels. You want a brinksman who will draw the line, refuse to be squeezed beyond a certain point and be ready to pull your side out of the negotiations and back to Ukambani. Remember, nobody wants embarassment, even the bride-to-be's family. When things appear to be only a hair away from unravelling completely, the other side will rein in their lead negotiator, who has your people on the ropes now. Twice I have seen these greedy, tough types capitulate when people started entering vehicles ready to leave.
All the same, do not carry bitterness into the negotiations, it's just business, and the opposite guy just outwitted you. It doesn't mean that the family is bad.
Good luck next time.  Asi!! Kumbe ni mbiashara eh?  Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
|
|
|
Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
|
Forester wrote:Why Thursday i.e. weekday? Why not? Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
|
|
|
Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
|
Lolest! wrote:Agreed. This is Africa but it is not true that we are bound by traditions. Which traditions do we keep apart from this dowry nonsense??
Zamani it made sense coz if Swenani paid goats for you, you ceased being a member of your clan and became a member of the Swenanis not just by name, but your labour in their fields added to the wealth of the Swenanis. Swenani effectively bought a hand for tilling their land/looking after their livestock from your clan and that is why they paid them!
Siku hizi we no longer have clans owning any land, we own as individuals. With everybody moving to the urban centres and buying a kapuloti there, people no longer belong to the man's clan. Infact, most women are ensuring the family's attention goes to the woman's side. At best, it's a fifty-fifty, both sides are OUR parents, right? Plus, if the idea is 'appreciation' of the girl's parents for bringing her up, who says the gentleman's parents do not require, nay desire, such appreciation? The other argument of compensating them for educating her, etc holds no water since I, too, was educated by my parents. Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
|
|
|
Rank: Member Joined: 7/9/2011 Posts: 730 Location: Nairobi
|
Quote:The MP
1. ” Ulikataa nikule hizo vitu na vile nazimezea mate. Now i am employing another person on your behalf. Hii dunia kila kitu ni nipe nikupe. Ken will give you the other details on how to to clear from the office. Goodbye” sent on 23/10/2014
2. ”I can see even you are supporting Kabogo’s brother on that nonsense he posted on Kalimoni group. I thought of paying you through CDF because I removed you from PSC through anger even CDF you will not get. Nowadays it is unipe nikupe my friend.Dont think Kangethe will take you anywhere. Try and see” sent on 31/10/2014
3. ” The worst mistake can be if you are used by Kabogo fanatics to spoil my name. All secrets from my office should be left there or else you will regret”
Susan replied
” I like that sir, As you can see I have not replied to your messages since the first one. I would rather be jobless than leave my husband and be a mistress. You own Juja but you don’t own Kenya. The same God who made you an MP without sleeping with anyone is the same God who will bless me. Do me a favor and leave me alone. Employ the ones who will sleep with you all you want mimi apana. And on Facebook I have the right to comment to whomever i want." [/quote] i wonder how much they paid for susan ruracio very rare breed in nrb nowadays our goals are best achieved indirectly
|
|
|
Rank: Member Joined: 7/27/2014 Posts: 560 Location: Eastlando
|
When i wanted to get married, i asked for an appointment with my father in-law. The appointment was to notify him of our intention to marry. I told him that ,since am now enganged to the daughter, i would like us to wed as soon as possible. I went further and asked him if i can delay Dowry payment till i get a formal job. When i mentioned Dowry, he laughed. He told him ,his conscience would not allow him to get Dowry from an orphan. He gave me a free pass and paid 50 percent of our wedding expenses
|
|
|
Rank: User Joined: 8/15/2013 Posts: 13,237 Location: Vacuum
|
Fullykenyan wrote:When i wanted to get married, i asked for an appointment with my father in-law. The appointment was to notify him of our intention to marry. I told him that ,since am now enganged to the daughter, i would like us to wed as soon as possible. I went further and asked him if i can delay Dowry payment till i get a formal job. When i mentioned Dowry, he laughed. He told him ,his conscience would not allow him to get Dowry from an orphan. He gave me a free pass and paid 50 percent of our wedding expenses I was smiling until I read the part highlighted above.That was simple gesture from man but a sad and day for men If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
|
|
|
Rank: Elder Joined: 1/17/2013 Posts: 4,693 Location: Earth
|
Njung'e wrote:....and always remember never to go with boys for dowry negotiations...i will tell you an interesting one some day.
Have heard this before,'guthuria'during negotiations? could mean a no.of things..
|
|
|
Rank: Veteran Joined: 9/7/2010 Posts: 1,063 Location: Kenya
|
Njung'e wrote:[quote=Obi 1 Kanobi]@magigi I would think i know where the problem is in this case.First,you got a written list and played gentlemen.Now you want a dowry manual. .In some families,the moment you opened your wallets would have meant some nyahunyos on your backs.Ni ng'ombe mmkuja kununua? Your team was a disaster from the start ...Yes after some reflection I think we lost the plot right from the start. But their greed was unstoppable. I think there is still time to redeem ourselves...
|
|
|
Rank: Elder Joined: 5/4/2008 Posts: 1,703
|
kysse wrote:Njung'e wrote:....and always remember never to go with boys for dowry negotiations...i will tell you an interesting one some day.
Have heard this before,'guthuria'during negotiations? could mean a no.of things.. Ihii itithiaga uthoni @Atalaku Wacha tuseme mlicheswa .... Nyaspondi kando. Think Positive Test Negative
|
|
|
Rank: Elder Joined: 7/20/2007 Posts: 4,432
|
Atalaku good on you for saying the truth. And the truth is Kikuyus have taken marriage to the same levels of Kyuna's church. Hawana haya and yes you shall be given a list. Why pretend that the obvious is not happening? The customs may be all fine and dandy but the participants these days have no problem fleecing every young man that goes for these things. The worst thing is that even your wife will participate in your fleecing. Don't be surprised if she has already told them how much money you are carrying. Watu waseme ukweli hapa. Isn't it true that if your father had not finished his dowry he cannot take the daughters until his "bill" is cleared? This tradition is upus of dowries. Total upus. Mine ni pale kwa chief magistrate. When I'm sure my kids are well educated, then we shall do that nonsense of sijui kutoa marinda kwa gate. And it had better be a fun day as it used to be. I ain't removing money for some mzee to have karubu for a month or to pay anyone elses dowry. Kwangu, haiwesekani. And if the chick can't get that in her head, I'll go get a Turkana. Jose: If I make it through this thug life, I'll see you one day. The Lord is the only way to stop the hurt.
|
|
|
Rank: Veteran Joined: 12/21/2011 Posts: 1,010
|
i think we are over emphasizing on kikuyus.
its not only them, even other tribes have followed suit...i married from coast and the experience is almost similar to this, kwanza huko the procedures are many, went there for 2 times and were it not for being kichwa ngumu , it would have been 4 times.
|
|
|
Rank: Veteran Joined: 9/7/2010 Posts: 1,063 Location: Kenya
|
alma wrote:Atalaku good on you for saying the truth.
And the truth is Kikuyus have taken marriage to the same levels of Kyuna's church. Hawana haya and yes you shall be given a list.
Why pretend that the obvious is not happening?
The customs may be all fine and dandy but the participants these days have no problem fleecing every young man that goes for these things. The worst thing is that even your wife will participate in your fleecing. Don't be surprised if she has already told them how much money you are carrying.
Watu waseme ukweli hapa.
Isn't it true that if your father had not finished his dowry he cannot take the daughters until his "bill" is cleared?
This tradition is upus of dowries. Total upus. Mine ni pale kwa chief magistrate. When I'm sure my kids are well educated, then we shall do that nonsense of sijui kutoa marinda kwa gate.
And it had better be a fun day as it used to be. I ain't removing money for some mzee to have karubu for a month or to pay anyone elses dowry.
Kwangu, haiwesekani. And if the chick can't get that in her head, I'll go get a Turkana.
|
|
|
Rank: Veteran Joined: 9/7/2010 Posts: 1,063 Location: Kenya
|
carygoh wrote:kysse wrote:Njung'e wrote:....and always remember never to go with boys for dowry negotiations...i will tell you an interesting one some day.
Have heard this before,'guthuria'during negotiations? could mean a no.of things.. Ihii itithiaga uthoni @Atalaku Wacha tuseme mlicheswa .... Nyaspondi kando. ...Wacha tu...lakini nitakwambia saa hii vile tutajilipisa kisasi!!!
|
|
|
Rank: Member Joined: 12/7/2010 Posts: 520 Location: Epicentre - Ngamia 1
|
Atalaku wrote:carygoh wrote:kysse wrote:Njung'e wrote:....and always remember never to go with boys for dowry negotiations...i will tell you an interesting one some day.
Have heard this before,'guthuria'during negotiations? could mean a no.of things.. Ihii itithiaga uthoni @Atalaku Wacha tuseme mlicheswa .... Nyaspondi kando. ...Wacha tu...lakini nitakwambia saa hii vile tutajilipisa kisasi!!! @Atalaku,report here after 2nd visit. Lakini this greed is everywhere.There're some guys from Makindu who made us sweat early this month. Below is a sample of what was asked: Step ONE 1. Mbui-7 2. Nthasya mukwa - 50k 3. Ndata ya musee - 20k 4. Mavula - 5*6 bed 5. Suka- 2 pairs 6. Nthungi ya mama 7. Beer and sodas- 5 crates each 8. Kavumbu ya wazee - 10k Step TWO- 1.mbui 80- 4k each 2. Ng'ombe - 3 cows@ 25k each and 1 bull @ 35k 3. Honey (ngoyoo) - 20k 4. Bags of food- Maize 3 bags and beans 1 bag. 5. Maiyu meu 6. Muthinzio wa asyai-token of appreciation for parents. Stage THREE 1. 1 nzau ya ilute muthenya wa kyathi. 2. Cooking enough food and refreshments for guests. 3. Grandparents - blankets and sheets. 4. Uncles and aunts - shirts and lessos. 5. Beer and sodas- 5 crates each. On top of all these, the guy is required to go cook on all three stages i.e. travel all the way to Makindu from Kikuyu . No caterer to cook,they want to see the guy cook live live (hii ni mateso),carry own water,sufurias and ingredients plus travel previous day for preparations. This is just absurd and unacceptable. @Atalaku, care to explain some of those things asked? Note: NOT me,already crossed the bridge way back. Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs - Farrah Gray.
|
|
|
Rank: Elder Joined: 2/7/2007 Posts: 11,935 Location: Nairobi
|
@Forester, Get the boy to threaten the girl over "an impossible list" and see how many demands will be dropped before negotiations begin.You will be surprised. Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
|
|
|
Wazua
»
Club SK
»
Culture
»
Are fathers trading their daughters?
Forum Jump
You cannot post new topics in this forum.
You cannot reply to topics in this forum.
You cannot delete your posts in this forum.
You cannot edit your posts in this forum.
You cannot create polls in this forum.
You cannot vote in polls in this forum.
|