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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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One day a Professor was talking about marriage in d class... Professor : What kind of Wife would you like Johnny? Johnny : I would want a wife like the moon... Professor : Wow !! what a choice... So you want her to be Cool & Calm like the moon? Johnny : No, no... Professor : oh so u want her to be Round and white? Johny: No, no... Professor : Oh, so u want her to be Fair and Beautiful like d moon? Johny: No, no... I want her to be Exactly like MOON Just Arrive at Night and Disappear in the Morning..
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did thisto you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressedin an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house.He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll takecharge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.""Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, two retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and$2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?" At this point, the father, who had remainedsilent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You'll try again."
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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washiku wrote:An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did thisto you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressedin an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house.He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll takecharge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.""Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, two retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and$2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"
At this point, the father, who had remainedsilent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You'll try again." clearly not taking any chances  Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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C&P: A Jamaican fireman came home from work one day and said to his wife 'Ya know sumptin', womon, we have a wonderful new system at de Fire Station... Bell 1 rings, we put on our jackets. Bell 2 rings, we slide down de pole. Bell 3 rings, we jump on de engine and we's ready to go. So from now on womon, when I say....... 'Bell one', I want you to strip naked. When I say... 'Bell two', jump on de bed. When I say ' Bell three', we's gonna mek love all tru de night girl.' The next night he came home and shouted: 'Bell One!', and his wife stripped naked. 'Bell Two!', and she jumped on the bed. 'Bell Three!', and they started to make love. After a few minutes, the wife yelled out 'Bell Four!'. 'WOMON... What DA hell is ' Bell Four'?', he asked. She replied: 'ROLL OUT MORE HOSE, MON, YOU AIN'T NOWHERE NEAR DA FIRE!!!!' Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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At a hospital's intensive care unit, patients always died in the same bed at 7am every morning regardless of their condition. This puzzled medical staff, so a group of medical doctors decided to observe the bed in secret and waited for the fateful hour. Some held crosses and prayer books to ward off evil influences. While the less superstitious ones held cameras, tablets, smart phones to capture every moment of this hour. At exactly 7 am, the door to the ward slowly opened, Wafula the cleaner came in and disconnected the life support from the mains and plugged in his Nokia phone charger.
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Rank: User Joined: 8/15/2013 Posts: 13,237 Location: Vacuum
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/19/2008 Posts: 4,268
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 12/1/2008 Posts: 1,098
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Rankaz13 wrote:C&P:
A Jamaican fireman came home from work one day and said to his wife 'Ya know
sumptin', womon, we have a wonderful new system at de Fire Station...
Bell 1 rings, we put on our jackets.
Bell 2 rings, we slide down de pole.
Bell 3 rings, we jump on de engine and we's ready to go.
So from now on womon, when I say.......
'Bell one', I want you to strip naked.
When I say... 'Bell two', jump on de bed.
When I say ' Bell three', we's gonna mek love all tru de night girl.'
The next night he came home and shouted:
'Bell One!', and his wife stripped naked.
'Bell Two!', and she jumped on the bed.
'Bell Three!', and they started to make love.
After a few minutes, the wife yelled out 'Bell Four!'.
'WOMON... What DA hell is ' Bell Four'?', he asked.
She replied:
'ROLL OUT MORE HOSE, MON, YOU AIN'T NOWHERE NEAR DA FIRE!!!!'
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Special Offer!!!! Sasa unaweza kupima uzito wa mwili wako kupitia simu yako.Andika neno UZITO kwa herufi kubwa alafu kanyanga simu yako kwa nguvu,usiogope huduma hii ni bure...!
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Rank: User Joined: 8/15/2013 Posts: 13,237 Location: Vacuum
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 If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
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