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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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kysse wrote:4lourBliss wrote:A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure. A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?" Do Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around. Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!!" The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely... A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?   hapa nimefloat. Aaaiii... How now? Please read it again slowly slowly...
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Rank: Elder Joined: 1/17/2013 Posts: 4,693 Location: Earth
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washiku wrote:kysse wrote:4lourBliss wrote:A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure. A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?" Do Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around. Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!!" The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely... A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k? hapa nimefloat. Aaaiii... How now? Please read it again slowly slowly... oh oh jeez!! possible s.harrasment claims pap. I read it hurriedly.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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McReggae wrote:DAD: What's 10 plus 10?
JOHNNY: I don't know.
DAD: Idiot! You can't answer such a cheap sum...Your stupidity will kill you.
JOHNNY: Daddy, if you saw a 1000 sh note and a
500 sh note which would you pick?
DAD: 1000 of course
JOHNNY: Idiot! Can't you pick both? Poverty will kill you  Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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4lourBliss wrote: One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor." His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about and it will only costs you $10.00." Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read: 1. You have tennis elbow. 2. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor. 3. It will be better in two weeks....... That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its alights, and printed out the following analysis: 1. Your tap water is too hard. 2. Get a water softener. 3. Your dog has ringworm. 4. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. 5. Your daughter is using cocaine. 6. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. 7. Your wife is pregnant ....... twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. 8. And if you don't stop masturbating, your elbow will never get better Busted!! Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
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Rank: User Joined: 8/15/2013 Posts: 13,237 Location: Vacuum
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Never force children to pray. At dinner, a little boy was ordered to lead in prayer... Boy:But I don't know how to pray Dad: Just pray for your family members,friends,,neighbors and the poor etc Boy: "Dear Lord,Thank you for our visitors and their children who have finished all my cookies and ice cream,Bless them so they won't come again.Forgive our neighbor's son who removed my sister's clothes and wrestled with her on her bed.This coming Christmas, please send clothes to all those poor naked ladies on my dad's phone and provide shelter to the homeless men who uses mom's room when daddy is at work...Amen...." If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Four friends meet 30 years after school. One goes to the toilet, while the other three were discussing about how successful their sons became. The 1st man says his son studied economics became a banker and is so rich and he gave his best friend a Ferrari. The 2nd man said his son became a pilot, started his own airline, became so rich and he gave his best friend a jet. The 3rd man said his son became an engineer, started his own development company, became so rich and he build his best friend a castle. The 4th man came back from toilet and asks what the buzz is about. They told him they were talking about how successful their sons became and ask him about his son. He said his son is GAY and is a stripper at a gay bar, Other three said he must be very disappointed with his son for not becoming successful. Oh no, said the father, he is doing good, Last week was his birthday and he got a Ferrari, a jet and a castle from 3 of his boyfriends...
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Rank: Member Joined: 8/2/2010 Posts: 480 Location: chokoo
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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APIYO: I'm in a big trouble!!!! BOYFRIEND: Why is that? APIYO: I saw a mouse in my house! BOYFRIEND: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap. APIYO: I don't have one. BOYFRIEND: Well then, buy one. APIYO: Can't afford one. BOYFRIEND: I can give you mine if you want. APIYO: That sounds good BOYFRIEND: Next, you'll have to use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap. APIYO: I don't have any cheese. BOYFRIEND: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap. APIYO: I don't have oil. BOYFRIEND: Well, then put only a small piece of bread. APIYO: I don't have bread. BOYFRIEND: Then what is that mouse doing at your house..????????
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Rank: Elder Joined: 1/17/2013 Posts: 4,693 Location: Earth
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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