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My Cheating Husband. Please Advise
callaspade
#11 Posted : Monday, April 26, 2010 8:20:04 AM
Rank: Veteran

Joined: 11/12/2009
Posts: 925
unfortunately no one is in a position to make decisions for you.I will be extremely blunt..but not that i dont care.
...why are you asking for help if you have decided to go back home?
.....if your hubby is a member here,are you trying to scare him,get sympathy or whats with this 4 month thinking story?
.....so you think the solution is to kill an innocent being/child coz of the fathers shortcoming ?
.....please have some coffee and go back to your right thinking?
.....all the same ,the decision(S) is/are yours,and so are the consequences ;because they will be more than the decisions for sure!!!
Fundaah
#12 Posted : Monday, April 26, 2010 8:22:36 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 11/19/2008
Posts: 1,267
Let me copy paste this story ... from elsewhere in the forum

A Doctor's Wisdom

A worried woman went to her gynecologist and said, "Doctor, I have a serious problem and desperately need your help! My baby is not even 1 year old and I'm pregnant again. I don't want kids so close together". So the doctor said, "Ok and what do you want me to do?" She said, "I want you to end my pregnancy, and I'm counting on your help with this."


The doctor thought for a little, and after some silence he said to the lady, "I think I have a better solution for your problem and it is less dangerous for you too." She smiled, thinking that the doctor was going to accept her request. Then he continued, "You see, in order for you not to have to take care of 2 babies at the same time, let's kill the one in your arms. This way, you could rest some before the other one is born. If we're going to kill one of them, it doesn't matter which one it is. There would be no risk for your body if you chose the one in your arms".

The lady was horrified and said, "No doctor! How terrible! It's a crime to kill a child!" "I agree", the doctor replied. "But you seemed to be ok with it, so I thought maybe that was the best solution." The doctor smiled, realizing that he had made his point. He convinced the mom that there is no difference in killing a child that's already been born and one that's still in the womb. The crime is the same!
Isaiah 65:17-Look! I am creating new heavens and a new earth, and no one will even think about the old ones anymore
Fundaah
#13 Posted : Monday, April 26, 2010 8:34:48 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 11/19/2008
Posts: 1,267
Another copy paste

Men are Hard to please
If he calls you and your phone is off, he thinks you’re cheating….then he sends an sms saying “don’t tell me the battery story coz I know that line”


If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are TOO IN LOVE, moving too fast;
If u Don't, he says u are PROUD .

If u DRESS NICELY, he says u are trying to LURE other men;
If u DONT?, he says u are RURAL.

If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN, too manly;
If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS, a walkover

If u are SMARTER than him, you’re a SHOW-OFF;
If he's SMARTER than u, he is GREAT.

If u don't LOVE him, he tries to POSSESS u;
If u LOVE him, He takes you FOR GRANTED. (very true huh?)

If u don't MAKE LOVE to him, he says u DONT? LOVE him;
If u DO, he says u are CHEAP.

If u tell him your PROBLEMS, he says u are TROUBLE;
If u DONT?, he says u don't TRUST him.

If u SCOLD him, u are treating him like a CHILD;
If he SCOLDS u, it’s because he CARES for u.

If u BREAK your promise, u cannot be TRUSTED;
If he BREAKS his, it is circumstances beyond his CONTROL.

If u SMOKE, u are a BAD girl;
If he SMOKES, he is a GENTLEMAN.

If u do WELL in your career, it's LUCK ;
If he does WELL, it’s definitely BRAINS.

If u HURT him, u are CRUEL;
If he HURTS you, you are too SENSITIVE !!



HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET IT RIGHT????????
Isaiah 65:17-Look! I am creating new heavens and a new earth, and no one will even think about the old ones anymore
gift
#14 Posted : Monday, April 26, 2010 8:57:39 AM
Rank: Member

Joined: 10/8/2009
Posts: 39
Thank you all for your feedback and I welcome more. By the way, I have never ever, entertained the thot of terminating a pregnancy no matter the circumstances including rape. I strongly believe in my faith and fear of God.
At this jucture, im totally confused. So afraid of everything. So many ideas are running through my mind including that! I dont know if any of you has ever been in my situation (Insane!) A man that I totally loved with all my heart. Im unable to concentrate at my work no matter how much I try.
I decided to give my marriage a second chance, after it happened last time. That is what a Christian would do. Forgive. Perhaps, if I asked for advise then, many would have asked me to forgive.
I can easily do own on my own. I have a very good well paying job to enable me live in a leafy suburb and take my child to a school of my choice. So I did not hold on to this marriage for financial support as many women have no option but to do so. I held on to it, coz I still Loved my Man, I believe in the institution of marriage and I really got myself praying that this will never ever happen again.

I do get men making advances on me! I make it clear to them that Im happily married. N by the way, most of this men making advances are hot married guys. But for the respect of marriage institution, respect for my hubby and Fear of God, I dont fall into this temptations. Why cant he simply do the same?
Thats why I ask myself, is it worthy to hold on to this relationship? Once bitten twice shy! Is he still gonna play me if we make up and now this time round....cover up his tracks the best he can?
Will HIV get me on my marital bed? For being the faithful, honest and forgiving wife?
atiriri
#15 Posted : Monday, April 26, 2010 9:13:21 AM
Rank: Member

Joined: 12/7/2009
Posts: 320
Location: nairobi
Hi gift,

Pole for the predicament. I would advice you not to follow whatever much know is telling you. Your husband is a natural polygamist. Do not leave your home because he is dogging you, there is no perfect man. Utamwacha uende kwa mwingine, mwingine akudog, umwache uende kwa another one. Just talk to him, or give him space, it may even be mid life crisis. Is the lady he is seeing younger than you, is she his first love? if the answer is yes then it may be mid life crisis. Dont make a mistake of leaving your house for another woman.

Again know than men sometimes feel like moving out especially when their wives are pregnant. I dont really know why,
muganda
#16 Posted : Monday, April 26, 2010 9:15:58 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 9/15/2006
Posts: 3,907
@gift sad, very sad. But you have to rebuild you inner strength then demand more of your relationship or it only get's worse. Steve Harvey says cheaters make promises to their significant others because they know that's what women want to hear.


Steve Harvey’s Act like a lady, Think like a man
Top 5 Reasons Why Men Cheat

1. They can.
2. They think they can get away with it.
3. The man hasn’t become who he wants and needs to be or found who he truly wants to be with.
4. What’s happening at home isn’t “happening” like it used to.
5. There’s always a woman out there willing to cheat with him.

gadj
#17 Posted : Monday, April 26, 2010 9:47:44 AM
Rank: Member

Joined: 4/16/2009
Posts: 257
Gift u need to try & see a marriage counselor if that doesn't work then hit the road, do not attempt to solve this problem alone.
mlefu
#18 Posted : Monday, April 26, 2010 10:05:58 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 2/11/2007
Posts: 1,680
Location: nairobi
Quote:
5. There’s always a woman out there willing to cheat with him.


ratio of men to women still stands at 1:8 ,grass is always greener on the other side, we are generally evil, the teens voted for "pages za bible by Juliani" WTFPray
chepkel
#19 Posted : Monday, April 26, 2010 10:58:42 AM
Rank: Member

Joined: 4/6/2010
Posts: 741
Location: Nairobi
@Atiriri, Leaving a husband because he is dogging is a ground for ending a marriage. Unless he has only done it once. But this dude has done it 3 times WTF!!!!!! Men are indeed DOGS!!!!
I have a brother who is like that. He just has a problem with staying faithful In fact he says that he does not mind if his girl also sleeps around as long as she doesn't make it obvious and hides it kabisa. Its just sick!!!!!
Anyway back to gift, if you stay with this dude will you be happy??? If you leave him will you be happy. Your kids need to see you happy because your mood affects them too and children are very perceptive. They need their parents to get along whether they are together or not Do what will make you happy and give you peace of mind because living with stress will kill you mapema. Have you ever seen people who look 80 and yet when you ask them their age you will be shocked at how young they are!!!! You need peace of mind and a good environment to raise your kids.
BTW this dude will never stop cheating on you.
Your child is a blessing do not even put her in all this. You can raise a baby perfectly with or without a man. Many have done it and many are continuing to do so.
I got pregnant when i was in my final year in campus. My boyfriend had a crappy job and i was sure that i did not want to have a baby then. I seriously wanted to get rid of it. Thank God i did not. Now everything is just perfect

Anyway, moral of the story. When it comes to babies, do not let your present situation make you think twice about a pregnancy because everything always works out. It always does. Ask all those who had predicaments when they got pregnant and they will tell you. Things always works out.

Only you, knows what is best for you. And put the children first and think of your happiness.
aemathenge
#20 Posted : Monday, April 26, 2010 11:14:48 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 10/18/2008
Posts: 3,434
Location: Kerugoya
Gift sweetie, mistake number one is that you love him toooo much.

Mistake number number two is that he is the center of your universe.

Everything else arises from mistake number one and two.

My maternal "tata" has the same character flaw and so my uncle treats her like trash and screws around like a cock.

Your angels have now to become the center of your universe. Your first and only love shall be those angels. Get a financial source outside the Wazuan's world.

But most of all, dress like queen and simply look super. Let him come into your world and not the other way round.

Finally, I am the worst source of advice. I am single and unattached, but I hate the way my uncle treats my auntie, and he knows it.
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