"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed - Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."

"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools."

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."

THE CREDIT DOWNGRADE HAS HIT EVERYBODY HARD!!!
-My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail
-CEO's are now playing putt-putt golf.
-Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
-I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
-If the bank returns your cheque marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
-McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
-Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
-Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
-My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!
-A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
-A picture is now only worth 200 words.
-When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
-The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

C&P

A farmer rears twenty-five young hens and one old cock. As he feels that the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock from the market.

Old cock to Young cock: Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity.

Young cock: What ya mean? As far as I know, you are old and should be retired.

Old cock: Young boy, there are twenty-five hens here, can't I help you with some?

Young cock: No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.

Old cock: In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition and if I win you shall allow me to have one hen and if I lose you will have all.

Young cock: O.K. What kind of competition?

Old cock: 50 meter run from here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 meters.

Young cock: No problem! We will compete tomorrow morning.

Confidently, the following morning, the Young cock allows the Old cock to start off and when the Old cock crosses the 10 meters mark the Young cock chases him with all his might. Soon enough he was behind the Old cock back in a matter of seconds.

Suddenly, BANG! ..... Before he could overtake the old cock, he was shot dead by the farmer, who cursed,

"Damn! This is the fifth GAY chicken I've bought this week!”

Lol! Huyo jogoo mzee ako na malice jo..

Reminds me of the Redykulas joke on the new constitution. "Kiriatu" was asked about NARC's promise to deliver a new constitution in a hundred days and he said:

"Yes. We promised to deliver a new constitution in 100 days but we never said they would be consecutive! In January we did 2 days, in February 4 days, in March 1 day...".

That joke just cracked me up!