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Just for laughs...corner
4lourBliss
#1881 Posted : Monday, November 18, 2013 11:42:16 AM
Rank: Member

Joined: 5/9/2013
Posts: 285
Location: hapakule.
A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot.
There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.
"Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway.
She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.
The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought, "That's really not so bad."
When her two daughters returned from school the bird saw and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.
Moments later, the woman's husband 'Keith' came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said,
"Hi, Keith!"
Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.
Rankaz13
#1882 Posted : Monday, November 18, 2013 11:53:15 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 5/21/2013
Posts: 2,841
Location: Here
washiku wrote:


Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly
Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
Uram
#1883 Posted : Monday, November 18, 2013 2:43:13 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 10/24/2013
Posts: 455
Location: Nairobi
C&P

1. She is not picking your calls right? Don't
worry, send her a
text saying "Honey have you received the
money?"... She will call back.

2. He is not picking your calls right? Don't
worry, upload his picture on your profile and
write "I' will miss you, Rest In .Peace...", He will
call back. Chap chap
4lourBliss
#1884 Posted : Wednesday, November 20, 2013 1:59:07 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 5/9/2013
Posts: 285
Location: hapakule.
A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his
wife. It read:
"Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54
years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. - Your Husband" When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows: "Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18

smile
Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.
4lourBliss
#1885 Posted : Wednesday, November 20, 2013 2:01:27 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 5/9/2013
Posts: 285
Location: hapakule.
A man goes to a shrink and says, “Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry’s Bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her. I’m going crazy! What do you think I should do?” “Relax…” says the Doctor, “Take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry’s Bar?”
Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.
Swenani
#1886 Posted : Wednesday, November 20, 2013 2:16:03 PM
Rank: User

Joined: 8/15/2013
Posts: 13,237
Location: Vacuum
Can your partner be with your phone for a day and things remain the same?

One Friday morning, John woke up hurriedly and prepared for work. He worked in a busy institution and was expected early at work. His wife worked a distance from where her husband’s office was.

As a result of doing things in a hurry, John unknowingly, carried his wife's mobile phone leaving behind his own. After he had gone his wife Jane noticed the mix-up but it was too late for her to do anything about it. She thought for a while and decided to carry her husband's phone in case he came back for it.

On arriving at his place of work John noticed that he had confused his wife's phone for his but decided not to go back for it. He sighed deeply because he knew his wife could access romantic messages sent by his many mistresses.
His wife too was disgusted because she had several toy boys.

Drama began to unfold when John received an SMS intended for his wife sent by somebody saved as ‘Peter-Taxi’, which read, "Hi sweetie, ope yo monin’ is fine, 4 me am okay just mad! My love 4 you kills me. I couldn't stop dreaming about you even after we met last evening coz you hold the password to ma heart." John was shocked to see this and thought he understood why his wife had come home late the previous evening. He decided to stay mum to see what more would come.
After one hour he received another SMS from somebody saved as ‘Susan-Salon’ which read, “Monin darling, ope ur fine, am also fine but not so fine without seeing you next to me coz you control every part of ma heart. Nice day sweetie, see you at lunch.”

The third SMS ticked in from somebody saved as ‘Winnie-Handbags’ which read, "Monin ma beautiful queen, I wish you were a gum, I would chew you every time, you make me feel young like I was born yesterday, you without whom I would go on a hunger strike. Have a bright day ma dear."

John was deeply shocked by these messages but knew that on the other side his wife might be seeing drama too.
Meanwhile, Jane had seen even more than her husband. She had received three messages from three women that clearly showed they were his mistresses. The first SMS was from a woman saved as ‘Ochieng-Car wash’ which read, “Hi deah how's ur monin? 4 me am okay with ur son here, he says he loves you so much n you should come n stay with us. gday."

Jane almost fainted on seeing this because she could not believe that her husband had a son outside marriage.
Before her anger was over, she received a second SMS from' ‘Omosh-Kinyozi’ which read, “Monin ma deah, ope ur enjoyin ur day. Mine can't be complete without you. Every time I sleep in this house you bought 4 me I dream 2 love u always. The BM u bought me is perfect on road. Thanks, g’day.”

The last message came from ‘Karanja-Electician’ and read, “Sasa honey? Ope u r fine. pls i am not happy wit u. u promised to send me money since last week,But i have not seen it. honey pls send me the 40k for the project. Hav a nice day, love you big.”

Jane had found the answer to why her husband was always penniless!
When evening came John and Jane met at home. They could hardly talk but only stared at one another with suspicion.

Then they called you to intervene, sincerely how would you solve their problem?
If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
4lourBliss
#1887 Posted : Wednesday, November 20, 2013 2:16:34 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 5/9/2013
Posts: 285
Location: hapakule.
A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church. He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.

There’s a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of various women who appear to have misplaced their garments.

He hears a priest come in. “Father, forgive me for it’s been a very long time since I’ve been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be.”

The priest replies, “Get out, you idiot. You’re on my side!”
Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.
Pedes
#1888 Posted : Wednesday, November 20, 2013 2:31:25 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 9/30/2013
Posts: 659
4lourBliss wrote:
A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church. He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.

There’s a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of various women who appear to have misplaced their garments.

He hears a priest come in. “Father, forgive me for it’s been a very long time since I’ve been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be.”

The priest replies, “Get out, you idiot. You’re on my side!”


Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly @4lourBliss.Wewe. Jingli. Sana!!
If you stay ready, no need to get ready.
4lourBliss
#1889 Posted : Wednesday, November 20, 2013 5:48:00 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 5/9/2013
Posts: 285
Location: hapakule.
A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when
a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! what are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend."
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry', and that he's going to get a drink from the river.
At the riverbank, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him to the side.
He then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?!" The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!
The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says "Hey, MONKEY!" The Monkey looks down and says "FUUUUUCK, DUDE....... how much water did you drink?"
Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.
4lourBliss
#1890 Posted : Wednesday, November 20, 2013 5:59:10 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 5/9/2013
Posts: 285
Location: hapakule.
Pedes wrote:
4lourBliss wrote:
A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church. He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.

There’s a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of various women who appear to have misplaced their garments.

He hears a priest come in. “Father, forgive me for it’s been a very long time since I’ve been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be.”

The priest replies, “Get out, you idiot. You’re on my side!”


Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly @4lourBliss.Wewe. Jingli. Sana!!


Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly smile
Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.
294 Pages«<187188189190191>»
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