Beyond help

C & P

One night, a guy takes his girlfriend home.
They are about to kiss each other goodnight, but the guy is feeling a little uh, horny.
With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her "Darling, would you give me a blow job?"
Horrified, she replies "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"
Him:"Oh come on!Who's gonna see us at this hour?"
Her: " No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
Him: Oh Come on,there's nobody around, they're all asleep!"
Her: "No way. It's too risky!"
Him: "Oh please, please, I love you so much!"
Her: "No, no and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"
Him: " Oh yes you can. Please?"
Her:"No, no. I just can't"
Him:" I beg you ..."
Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up and says:
"Dad says take your hand off the intercom."

There was a group of women at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband. The women were asked, ‘How many of you love your husbands?’ All the women raised their hands. Then they were asked, ‘When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?’ Some women answered today, some yesterday, some didnt remember. The women were then told to take their phones and send the following text: I love you, sweetheart. Then the women were told to exchange phones and read the responding text messages. Here are some of the replies.
1. Who is this?
2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick?
3. I love you too.
4. What now? Did you crash the car again?
5. I dont understand what you mean?
6. What did you do now? I wont forgive you this time.
7. ?!?
8. Dont beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?
9. Am I dreaming?
10. If you dont tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.
11. I asked you not to drink anymore. I'll leave if you are tired of me.

Classic

Learn To Speak Japanese In 3 Minutes Japanese: Wai So Dim?

English: Has your flight been delayed?
Japanese: Hao Long Wei Ting?

English: I thought you were on a diet?
Japanese: Wai Yu Mun Ching?

English: They have arrived
Japanese: Hia Dei Kum

English: Your body odor is offensive
Japanese: Yu Stin Ki Pu

English: You know lyrics to the Macarena?
Japanese: Wai Yu Sing Dum Song?

English: I got this for free
Japanese: Ai No Pei

English: Stay out of sight
Japanese: Lei Lo

English: He's cleaning his automobile
Japanese: Wa Shing Ka

English: This is a tow away zone
Japanese: No Pah King

English: Is there a fugitive here?
Japanese: Hu Yu Hai Ding?

English: Small Horse
Japanese: Tai Ni Po Ni

English: Your price is too high!!
Japanese: No Bai Nut Ting!!

English: Did you go to the beach?
Japanese: Wai Yu So Tan?

English: I bumped into a coffee table
Japanese: Ai Bang Mai Ni