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techboy		#1561 Posted : Thursday, February 07, 2013 8:55:11 PM
Rank: User Joined: 6/18/2009 Posts: 271		Only Kenyans :- 1. Are engaged for 5 years or more 2. Never bother to divorce, they just separate 3. Are late to church, work, and everything else, EXCEPT when the disco is free before 9pm 4. Refer to diabetes as “SUGAR” 5. Show up at weddings, showers, graduation, birthday parties with a new outfit on with nails and hair done but no gift 6. In relation to #5, they eat like parking boys and take a plate home 7. Consider “clubbing” or “henging” as a monthly expense 8. Leave bills (instead of insurance money) behind for surviving relatives 9. Borrow money for a wedding 10. Have mothers who can use curse words and religion ALL IN ONE SENTENCE e.g. “Lord, give me strength becauseÂ I’m about to knock the hell out of this child 11. Spend the car insurance money on everything EXCEPT getting the dent fixed. 12. Invite co-workers and all their friends to their child’s 1st birthdayÂ party which happens to haveÂ a professional DJ with only about 3 kids (including the child) in attendance. And then expect the guests to “changa” for the bash. 13. Start every sentences with “Me I…” e.g. ME I donno why you are saying that I always say “Me I”. 14. Say “Spend” when they are staying the night elsewhere from home, e.g. “Are you going to spend at her place?” 15. Put in iron rods in all windows and main doors….referring to themas “Burglar proof” 16. Use “Ngai” as an exclamation mark e.g. “Ngai, what are you doing?” 17. Believe “Ati” is an English word for “What?” 18. Think it is cool to drink and drive and get away with it “I don’t know how I got home that day… the way I was soo drunk!” 19. Think all their economic and social problems are caused by “Moi” when in fact some have never been to school. 20. Pack up all their earthly goods to go to “shaggs” for a week in December, only to pack them all back again after one week and return to “Tao” 21. Call travelling “flying out” e.g. She flew out (no one seems to wonder where all these Kenyans fly to) 22. Think that taking clerical job in a company is better and “cooler” than toiling in their parents’ family business. 23. Prefer washing cars and dishes in USA to toiling in their 20-acre tea farms in Kenya. 24. Call their homes “at ours”. e.g., “At ours, we eat Githeri every day. 25. Complain for five years about poor governance and corruption then vote in the same clowns back to parliament. 26. Have a chief Justice who has no law degree! 27. Go on strike for one day and expect the gvt. to resign! 28. Sit back in their homes and expect their MP to “brins Development” 29. Refuse to insure against anything and expect you to bankroll them when calamity strikes…. thro’ Harambee. 30. Sit calmly and sometimes cheer as a mad man drives them in a ramshackle at breakneck speed to certain death. 31. Drive with their windows Â wound up when they get to city centre because of 4- year-old brats armed with human feaces, and still claim to be free people! Sounds so true, eh? I hope you are still Kenyan by All standards! Me, I am Kenyan Damu, but do I say!!
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McReggae		#1562 Posted : Friday, February 08, 2013 11:12:48 AM
Rank: Elder Joined: 6/17/2008 Posts: 23,365 Location: Nairobi		A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $1,000,000. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would never have to testify in court. When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $1 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language. ... The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where's the money?" The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido where's the money? Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about" The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about." The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's temple and says, "Ask him again!" The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him.." Guido signs back, "OK.!!!! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house." The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?" The lawyer replies, " He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger." ..."Wewe ni mtu mdogo sana....na mwenye amekuandika pia ni mtu mdogo sana!".
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Ngong		#1563 Posted : Friday, February 08, 2013 7:17:21 PM
Rank: Veteran Joined: 11/17/2012 Posts: 1,461 Location: Ngong Forest		McReggae wrote: A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $1,000,000. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would never have to testify in court. When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $1 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language. ... The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where's the money?" The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido where's the money? Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about" The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about." The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's temple and says, "Ask him again!" The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him.." Guido signs back, "OK.!!!! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house." The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?" The lawyer replies, " He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger." Nice one,is it opportunity or taking advantage.
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safariant		#1564 Posted : Saturday, February 09, 2013 9:16:58 PM
Rank: Member Joined: 9/9/2010 Posts: 784 Location: ant hill - red hill		This is good... http://www.youtube.com/w...ature=endscreen&NR=1 The greatest act of bravery is chancing a fart while suffering from diarrhoea
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Impunity		#1565 Posted : Sunday, February 10, 2013 9:55:37 AM
Rank: Elder Joined: 3/2/2009 Posts: 26,331 Location: Masada		McReggae wrote: A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $1,000,000. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would never have to testify in court. When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $1 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language. ... The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where's the money?" The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido where's the money? Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about" The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about." The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's temple and says, "Ask him again!" The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him.." Guido signs back, "OK.!!!! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house." The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?" The lawyer replies, " He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger." Twaf!!! Portfolio: Sold You know you've made it when you get a parking space for your yatcht.
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Impunity		#1566 Posted : Sunday, February 10, 2013 10:00:03 AM
Rank: Elder Joined: 3/2/2009 Posts: 26,331 Location: Masada		Ngong wrote: vinii wrote: Just for gags ''Othaya erections were hard and took long. But i came on top of Mugambi...." ...Wambui hahahahaaaaa! They were also stiff. Portfolio: Sold You know you've made it when you get a parking space for your yatcht.
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ChessMaster		#1567 Posted : Sunday, February 10, 2013 4:58:29 PM
Rank: Elder Joined: 2/23/2009 Posts: 1,626		Hell, back in 1990, the Government seized the Mustang Ranch brothel in Nevada for tax evasion and, as required by law, tried to run it. They failed and it closed. Now we are trusting the economy of our country and our banking system to the same nit-wits who couldn't make money running a whore house and selling whiskey! Uncertainty is certain.Let go
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ChessMaster		#1568 Posted : Sunday, February 10, 2013 5:26:52 PM
Rank: Elder Joined: 2/23/2009 Posts: 1,626		A teacher is using the "scientific method" to teach the class about evolution... TEACHER: Tommy do you see the tree outside? TOMMY: Yes. TEACHER: Tommy, do you see the grass outside? TOMMY: Yes. TEACHER: Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky. TOMMY: Okay. (He returned a few minutes later) Yes, I saw the sky. TEACHER: Did you see God? TOMMY: No. TEACHER: That's my point. We can't see God because he isn't there. He doesn't exist. A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions. The teacher agreed and the little girl questioned the boy. LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the tree outside? TOMMY: Yes. LITTLE GIRL: Tommy do you see the grass outside? TOMMY: Yessssss (getting tired of the questions this time). LITTLE GIRL: Did you see the sky? TOMMY: Yessssss. LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the teacher? TOMMY: Yes LITTLE GIRL: Do you see the teacher's mind? TOMMY: No. LITTLE GIRL: Then according to what we were taught today in school, she must not have one! Uncertainty is certain.Let go
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dunkang		#1569 Posted : Monday, February 11, 2013 12:43:39 AM
Rank: Elder Joined: 6/2/2011 Posts: 4,824 Location: -1.2107, 36.8831		#STOLEN Actually there is a V and a D in Valentines Day ... Ni kama Vindio! Receive with simplicity everything that happens to you.” ― Rashi
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keraka		#1570 Posted : Monday, February 11, 2013 6:28:06 PM
Rank: Member Joined: 2/24/2010 Posts: 637 Location: Nairobi		Copy &Paste LETTER TO MY New BOYFRIEND! by Dol Phine on Saturday, February 9, 2013 at 4:35pm · Hi Boy, I am glad Ur ma boy...U'v brought sunshine in ma lyf,happiness,joy and comfort...I am sooo thankful I found You! However,there are a couple thngs I want to say here: .I have a reason AS TO WHY I am asking you for full details about Your Ex- galfriends and past relationshps. I dont care how many bitches you'v banged before,I DONT even care whether the number is higher than Jimnah Mbaru's certificates. I just want to know them ALL so that I can add them ALL to my "TO KILL LIST". I want to know them ALL so that I can know what kind of shit to expect and from Who. It doesnt matter how MANY they are. I am cool with that. I mean,I DONT have a problem with You. I have a problem with THEM! .I am a woman. Having a temper is as normal as your pre-mature ejaculations... Thats Me,A WOMAN. I can have over 62 tempers per minute. Deal with It. .I appreciate a phone call.Every now and then! Quit texting me like the IEBC! If I can remember right,the last time You called Me,Martha Karua was still the Minister for Justice! Hey,BE A MAN! Grab that phone and CALL ME! I am your girlfriend,NOT YOUR Aunt! .YOU SHOULD NEVER BE FRIENDS with ANY of your Ex-girlfriends! I should NEVER catch you helping her buy underwears in Kariokor! Have You ever seen RUTO in a CORD rally? A BREAK-UP is a BREAK-UP ,END OF STORY! .I LOVE COMPLIMENTS! When I buy a new dress,YOU SHOULD NOTICE! Its clearly written in the Female Constitution. And NOT just noticing,YOU should exclaim and tell me I look amazing! It doesnt matter whether I actually look like a robbery- with-violence survivor! According to You,I SHOULD LOOK AWESOME! .You should REMIND me am beautiful every DAY! Thats Not a request. Its Your Duty!!! .Kiss Me like a Queen! Stop kissing Me like you are administering First Aid to Me! Relax! Breath In,Breathe Out. Then gently,tilt tha head,get closer then kiss me like a Princess! You are DEALING with lips here,Not pizza! .Before you have me,Before You can do it to Me,Before we can have sex, I expect a thorough,arousing foreplay! You dont just jump on me and start humping me like a Rhino! You are dealing with a woman here,Not a crime suspect! Take Your time,hold me,touch me,tease Me,caress me...squeeze me...I have to get myself ready for action,SO STOP jumping into Me like a suicide bomber! .If You insist on working on my beautiful boobs,then do it like a pro! Not eating them up like Pokot hunger victims! Hey,RELAX! You are dealing with boobs here,Not a wedding buffet! .NO BITCH should text You past 10pm ! What does she want? Air ????? .I wont worry about the size f ua D ! BUT YOU better know what to do with that D! Am supposed to enjoy EVERY minute of the action! Be innovative,Be creative! Bang Me like a pornstar! Am supposed to be sweating and screaming and shaking! If am NOT doing that,GO HOME and watch Tahidi High! .I MUST NOT Orgasm. BUT I wil appreciate IF I DO! Also,Its a crime to cum soooo fast! Nigga please,TAKE YOUR TIME! Not unless you are handling stolen property! .I will put up with Your 'Boys'. Am ready to be friends with them too. BUT if they start behaving like assholes,THINGS WILL CHANGE! They are supposed to be human beings,so they should ACT like human beings! This is NOT Amboseli National Park! Tell Your Boys to behave!!!! .I know You love sex but AM SORRY, If AM NOT WILLING. AM NOT WILLING! I shouldnt just sit there and part my legs for you anytime,anywhere! Who are You?? A tampon??? Relax Nigga! Pussy aint going nowhere! .I love laughing . So,I'd appreciate funny stories and jokes frm You every now and then! Being boring is a CRIME! Hey,You are My Boyfriend,Not Cyrus Jirongo! .About Finances,I am Ok with you when You have ca$h and when you may NOT have. However,YOU DONT HAVE to be broke,Everyday,Every month,All Year! Otherwise,You might as well sell your wallet and buy a notebook~~~to be writting down Your problems! .I AM ALWAYS RIGHT. Thats Me,A WOMAN! I should start AND END every argument. And You are NOT supposed to TALK during the argument,You are supposed to SIT there,ADMIT your mistakes,AGREE with Me,NOD your head,FEEL sorry AND continue eating your cabbages! I call the shots here! I am a WOMAN! I have the PUSSY,So I make the Rules! If You also want to MAKE rules,join the Constitution Implementation Commission. Love, Girlfriend. The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
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