OTIENO: Have I entered the dwelling that derives revenue by being dependent on the safety of our tarsals, metatarsals and phalanges?

ATTENDANT: Yes, we specialise in all footwear shoes, slippers.....

OTIENO: How did the Registrar of Companies approve such names that depict poultry rearing, or were you camouflaging yourselves so as to induce the Abaluhya community into impulse buying?

ATTENDANT: Hiyo jina imekuwa toka kitambo. Can I show you some wears?

OTIENO: Yes, yes.... Please expose me to some recent designs that have just debuted.

ATTENDANT: Eeegh?

OTIENO: Nasema onyesa mimi latest arrivals.

ATTENDANT: Leather or regular wear?

OTIENO: Omera, my watch strap is leather, my belt is leather, my wallet is leather, my phone bag is leather. Applying the basics of arithmetical progression, can’t you deduce that my feet should also be encased in leather? Infact, leather has ignited a stiff rivalry with my hemoglobin as to which of the two is mode on my body.

ATTENDANT: Open shoes of closed shoes?

OTIENO: I show preference to closed shoes as i seek anonymity for my dorsums.

ATTENDANT: Ok, let me bring you one you try on. Unavaa viatu number??

OTIENO: Yawa, subject your years of experience into practice and visualize my feet. Then deduce the numerical connotations it bears before I seek audience with your manager on the basis of lackluster service delivery emitting from his subordinates.

ATTENDANT: Hii kiatu imekufaa sana. Si unaona ata ni sharp-shooter kama hiyo yako.

OTIENO: Yes...yes... Both bear a poignant front, and the union it has established with my feet is impeccable.

ATTENDANT: Hiyo ni 6,500... bei nzuri saana.

OTIENO: Infact these would associate well with my McIntire and Hismel suits that I just imported from Italy the previous week.

ATTENDANT: Leta basi nikufungie. Kiatu safi sana hiyo.

OTIENO: I think you mis-read my gesture.

ATTENDANT; Ati?

OTIENO: I was just orchestrating price awareness in absentia of currency. My shoes are withered, but I have already booked an appointment with the cobbler tomorrow and he is set to revive them.

ATTENDANT: Sasa umenifanyisha kazi bure ya nini?

OTIENO: Please, please, do not radiate disgust. Your attempts have not been subject to futility. You can induct me on your curriculum vitae as a referee so that, when called upon, I can reciprocate your gesture by testifying that you served me well.