a man who drinks and yes gets home by nine pm in the evening totally drunk,and all he does is hurl insults at me and dwell on issues as old as ten years. I have two children and im worried for them especially my son who is older and has seen his dad being violent towards me for the longest time ever. I don't want him to grow up like him.

I have been suffering in silence as someone wise told me if anyone makes you angry take a gulp of water and don't swallow...meaning you cant talk back to the person insulting or saying hurtful things......i feel i cant take this anymore...we are not legally married as there are no documents to verify that and he has never paid dowry so there is no customary marriage either.........i want out and want to ensure he pays for our kids upkeep and education........but he is so violent and is capable of even killing the kids and me..........what do I do?

Character refers to moral Excellence. It involves honesty,self-control,thoughtfulness of others,religious loyalty,moral ideals,conscience and ability to inhibit impulses.

Its time to get out before he injures/kills you or the Children. The fact that you have lived together (ten years?) should be enough ground to force him pay for the Kids upkeep legally ( a lawyer will advice accordingly). I think they call it acknowledgement of Paternity. Whatever you do,dont wait for him to kill you...move on now.

IGANA.

@ Fancy face after practising what Akowally says just in case it fails

My 2 cents,if peace fails get out of that relationship as fast as possible,there is no need of raising kids who witness violence and in turn they will either become violent and abusive or cowards and ruin their lives. Do you work? if you do its time to start thinking of investing for your kids.... just incase baba watoto refuses to provide. At times we parents are selfish and stay in abusive relationships for our sake-dont want to be labeled as divorced etc and not the kids,in your sunset years when the kids have grown and become 'people' just because of the sacrifice you made they will not only thank you but you will be a happy parent.

Now reverse you stay there the kids get affected psychologically and end up being 'nobodys' and make you unhappy for the rest of your golden years.

I have met a number of women who wished they would have left earlier when they saw the signs but didnt,dont be a statistic on the number of people maimed by spouses.

Think about it very soberly and hard,the choice is yours.


'Do all the good you can,by all the means you can,in all the ways you can,
in all the places you can,to all the people you can,as long as ever you can'.
John Wesley
English Preacher (1703-1791)

YOU SAID....'I have been suffering in silence!'

Malcolm X once said that anyone who agrees to sufer in silence is a FOOL!

He also said:

'Be peaceful,be courteous,obey the law,respect everyone; but if someone puts his hand on you,send him to the cemetery.'

'I don't even call it violence when it's in self defense; I call it intelligence'

sorry if I sound like a harsh critic but Malcolm X also noted:

I'f you have no critics you'll likely have no success.'


OnLy deaD FiSh gO WiTh tHe floW....!

@ jaribu

... she has decided to come out of the silence which is an honorable thing and puts her out of the 'fool's' bracket.....Malcolm X said all those things,I wonder what Jaribu says.....

When we pray in praise to God,he makes a difference in our lives.