Cucu, don’t tell us that you are into these kinds of problems I do not want to laugh at you though coz “Rwi itara ruthekaga rwi riko”

No. not at all. But there is someone we are in disagreement with because he has a kid whom he was helping when he was not married but and did not tell the girlfriend, now wife and he feels so guilty about it and doesnt want the wife to know.... the lady(who got he got the kid with has since gotten married) but they arent doing too well... so I actually dont know if to advise to help and how that would affect his and the other guy's family.... the guy is not soo badly off so he can manage to give the kid better education if nothing else. Was just wondering what people do or if anyone knows of a similar situation and how it was handled....

wondering as a man..You get a baby, you marry someone else other than your baby mama, your baby mama gets married by a dude who isnt doing well..

and you still not sure if to help your baby with an education if nothing else?... ndingoingo!!

Please tell the mother of the shaod to accept the circumstances and move on.

..accept and move on? like ask the baby father for help

@Mukiri I think this is not the time for blaming now. This situation requires empathy, which @Wendz has already done by listening and understanding the man.

@Wendz we know the "friend" story

But anyway, whatever the option, she should come out clean. Now three scenarios:
1. The child belongs to the biological father. That is his child because, he is required by the law to provide 100% for the child until 18 years of age.
Now, for this case, this man should:
- come out clean
- Tell the wife that there's something he has not been able to tell her
- And that it's disturbing his conscience
- That he is asking her to please understand him
- Tell her he made a mistake not to tell her something earlier
- That while he was "young", from previous relationship, he made another woman pregnant
- .... daraaaa!!!!!
- this is when fainting or slapping or tearing clothes or .... happens!!!
- tell him not to say anything until she has wiped her tears or stopped breaking things
- then apologize again and tell her he has decided he is going to support his child since he can afford and that he is thinking of taking the child and supporting the child

2. (I'm assuming it is you getting married) if the woman is able to support the child: tell the guy she has a baby, and she is not going to discuss the option of leaving the baby. And the guy should decide now whether he'll accept her with child or not. If not, then she should not marry this guy.

3. If she is not able to support the baby, then she should let the biological father to take the child. Tell the new husband that she's cutting any social affairs with the biological father. She will only meet him when it concerns the child. And ask him to commit to allow her to visit the child once in a while.

NOTE: If the child is a girl, then it's a bit easy for many men. Many will take the woman with the woman with the baby girl. But if it's a boy, then the woman should get a very responsible man, who'll accept this child.

He needs to help the kid, its his and nothing can change that. they are so many ways of paying school fees indirectly..education cover , chief..etc.

He should tell the current wife about the kid...buy the "My unspoken series"..just to give her a hint.

and i again i say he is a nding'oing'o....
His feeling bad doesnt help if he can't go out and offer to do what he should have done in the first place..responsibility!

I dont believe story ya what to tell the wife .. he needs to own up..he owes that to his baby!!

He should feel bad if he offered to help and the baby mama and foster dad refused!

I always believe if things didnt work out with the kids father, dont complicate your life move on. Can his wife understand that in the first place? Will it complicate his marrige?

unless if its the man insisting.....then,
The wife can handle that(but because she will feel betrayed and wonder why he never told her in the first place)Since the child was born before they got together. However they have to agree on the terms with his wife if the kid requires visitation, even to educate that child, if the wife is understanding, she will agree, but if not then that will be a problem.

A man should leave the domestics and finances of another man's house alone. Wars have been fought because of this.

Tell your friend to take the child to a less costlier school that they can afford. Hopefully the situation will look up for her husband and the child can return to the previous school.