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youcan'tstopusnow		#321 Posted : Wednesday, July 28, 2010 9:04:35 PM
Rank: Chief Joined: 3/24/2010 Posts: 6,779 Location: Black Africa		everlasting wrote: little boy asks his dad, "Daddy, whats in between Mums legs? The daddy answers "Paradise my son." The boy asks, whats between your legs daddy? The father replies, The key for the paradise". The boy says, "Daddy!, just a word of advice, change the lock since our neighbour has a copy of the key. GOD BLESS YOUR LIFE
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youcan'tstopusnow		#322 Posted : Wednesday, July 28, 2010 9:08:56 PM
Rank: Chief Joined: 3/24/2010 Posts: 6,779 Location: Black Africa		leona wrote: To surprise her husband an executive’s wife decided to stop by his office. On entering the office, she saw the secretary on her husband’s laps. In order to defend himself the husband said “budget cut or no budget cut management must do something. I and my secretary cannot be sharing this office with just a single seat!'' Dad asked his son: whenever I beat you how do you stop your anger? Son replies: I start cleaning the toilet. Dad asked: How does that help you? Son: I clean it with your tooth brush. A man is dying of Cancer. His son asked him, "Dad, why do u keep telling people you're dying of AIDS?" Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare touch your mom!" GOD BLESS YOUR LIFE
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brav		#323 Posted : Wednesday, July 28, 2010 9:10:25 PM
Rank: Veteran Joined: 11/26/2008 Posts: 745		Leona!! LEONA!! I swear im suing you for any cracked rib
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chikita		#324 Posted : Thursday, July 29, 2010 12:01:17 AM
Rank: New-farer Joined: 2/18/2010 Posts: 94 Location: Nairobi		The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman and was somewhat upset. "You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me - a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce straight away !" The husband replied. "Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened." "Fine, go ahead," she sobbed, " but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!" And the husband began..... "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days ! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight.. The poor thing devoured them in moments. Since she needed a good clean up I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you've had for a few years, but don't use because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't use because I don't have good taste. I found the blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't use just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't use because someone at work has a pair the same." The husband took a quick breath and continued.... "She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, " Please. Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?"
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selah		#325 Posted : Friday, July 30, 2010 12:29:33 PM
Rank: Elder Joined: 10/13/2009 Posts: 1,950 Location: in kenya		C&P "Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated." "What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement. "It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve. "But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!" "I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind -- either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor." "Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!" So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way. "Hi there," says Steve, "It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me." "Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised." Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "Shit! THAT'S the word!” '......to the acknowledgment of the mystery of God, and of the Father, and of Christ; 3 In whom are hid all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.' Colossians 2:2-3
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Impunity		#326 Posted : Friday, July 30, 2010 12:35:10 PM
Rank: Elder Joined: 3/2/2009 Posts: 26,331 Location: Masada		selah wrote: C&P "Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated." "What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement. "It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve. "But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!" "I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind -- either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor." "Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!" So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way. "Hi there," says Steve, "It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me." "Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised." Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "Shit! THAT'S the word!” Portfolio: Sold You know you've made it when you get a parking space for your yatcht.
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Wendz		#327 Posted : Friday, July 30, 2010 1:34:30 PM
Rank: Elder Joined: 6/19/2008 Posts: 4,268		selah wrote: C&P "Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated." "What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement. "It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve. "But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!" "I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind -- either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor." "Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!" So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way. "Hi there," says Steve, "It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me." "Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised." Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "Shit! THAT'S the word!” i havent laughed so hard in a while!!!!
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Njung'e		#328 Posted : Friday, July 30, 2010 2:49:57 PM
Rank: Elder Joined: 2/7/2007 Posts: 11,935 Location: Nairobi		.Hiyo Steven bure kabisa. Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
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bkismat		#329 Posted : Friday, August 06, 2010 9:04:56 AM
Rank: Elder Joined: 10/23/2009 Posts: 2,375		These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place... ______________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We do. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, "isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?" WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes.. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about 20, medium height, and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And, Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt... -Mark Twain
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Wendz		#330 Posted : Friday, August 06, 2010 9:36:49 AM
Rank: Elder Joined: 6/19/2008 Posts: 4,268		Innocence at its best: A kid, after being scolded at by his mom (sitting sadly) Dad : What happened son? Kid : Dad, I can’t handle your wife anymore! I want my own wife!
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