wazua Fri, Apr 17, 2026
Welcome Guest Search | Active Topics | Log In

294 Pages«<2930313233>»
Just for laughs...corner
Options
Previous Topic · Next Topic
youcan'tstopusnow
#301 Posted : Monday, July 19, 2010 7:56:26 PM
Rank: Chief

Joined: 3/24/2010
Posts: 6,779
Location: Black Africa
kenmac wrote:
This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.

Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly
GOD BLESS YOUR LIFE
Back to top
WWW
  |
Wendz
#302 Posted : Tuesday, July 20, 2010 9:46:31 AM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 6/19/2008
Posts: 4,268
C&P

Brilliant Joke, for men , Women : just read the first half !

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes." The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!" The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also ma ke your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to". The woman replied,

"That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you. " The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.
Male readers: Please scroll down.







The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!

Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!
Back to top
  |
nostoppingthis
#303 Posted : Tuesday, July 20, 2010 3:29:15 PM
Rank: Chief

Joined: 8/24/2009
Posts: 5,909
Location: Nairobi
COPY-PASTE

Barclays Bank have a new drive-through ATM.

Below are the procedures for MALE drivers to follow:


1.Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Wind down your car(BMW X5, PREMIO X, S500, RANGE ROVER SPORT etc) window.
3. Insert card into and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Wind up window.
7. Drive off.


Our dear sisters on the other hand….


1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse back the required amount to align car (VITZ, VITZ, VITZ, VITZ etc)window with cash machine.
3. Re-start the stalled engine.
4. Wind down the window.
5. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
6. Turn the radio down.
7. Attempt to insert card into machine.
8. Open car door to allow easier access to cash machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
9. Insert card.
10. After "Invalid Card" is displayed - Remove Nakumatt Smart Card and insert correct Barclays Card
11. Remove Card
12. Re-insert Card the right way up.
13. Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
14. Enter PIN.
15. Press "Cancel" and re-enter correct PIN.
16. Enter amount of cash required.
17. Check make-up in rear view mirror.
18. Retrieve cash and receipt.
19. Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside.
20. Place receipt in back of check book.
21. Re-check make-up.
22. Drive forward 2 meters.
23. Reverse back to cash machine.
24. Retrieve card.
25. Re-empty handbag, locate cardholder, and place card into the slot provided.
26. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
27. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
28. Release handbrake.



LOL!!!!Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly
Back to top
  |
Wendz
#304 Posted : Tuesday, July 20, 2010 3:47:05 PM
Rank: Elder

Joined: 6/19/2008
Posts: 4,268
nostoppingthis wrote:
COPY-PASTE

Barclays Bank have a new drive-through ATM.

Below are the procedures for MALE drivers to follow:


1.Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Wind down your car(BMW X5, PREMIO X, S500, RANGE ROVER SPORT etc) window.
3. Insert card into and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Wind up window.
7. Drive off.


Our dear sisters on the other hand….


1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse back the required amount to align car (VITZ, VITZ, VITZ, VITZ etc)window with cash machine.
3. Re-start the stalled engine.
4. Wind down the window.
5. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
6. Turn the radio down.
7. Attempt to insert card into machine.
8. Open car door to allow easier access to cash machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
9. Insert card.
10. After "Invalid Card" is displayed - Remove Nakumatt Smart Card and insert correct Barclays Card
11. Remove Card
12. Re-insert Card the right way up.
13. Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
14. Enter PIN.
15. Press "Cancel" and re-enter correct PIN.
16. Enter amount of cash required.
17. Check make-up in rear view mirror.
18. Retrieve cash and receipt.
19. Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside.
20. Place receipt in back of check book.
21. Re-check make-up.
22. Drive forward 2 meters.
23. Reverse back to cash machine.
24. Retrieve card.
25. Re-empty handbag, locate cardholder, and place card into the slot provided.
26. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
27. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
28. Release handbrake.



LOL!!!!Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly


Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly Laughing out loudly you made my afternoon!!!
Back to top
  |
Blackout
#305 Posted : Tuesday, July 20, 2010 4:09:27 PM
Rank: New-farer

Joined: 7/20/2010
Posts: 81
Location: humu nchini
@ nst what sisters are u talking about? Kalenjin sisters ama?
Back to top
  |
nostoppingthis
#306 Posted : Tuesday, July 20, 2010 4:36:57 PM
Rank: Chief

Joined: 8/24/2009
Posts: 5,909
Location: Nairobi
Blackout wrote:
@ nst what sisters are u talking about? Kalenjin sisters ama?


@Blackout...there was no tribal inclination to thisShame on you ...pole.
Back to top
  |
Blackout
#307 Posted : Tuesday, July 20, 2010 5:22:51 PM
Rank: New-farer

Joined: 7/20/2010
Posts: 81
Location: humu nchini
hey com'on man..I did mean to create that impression...only that there were/are those celebs that go by the name ' Kalenjin sistas....the musicians' my apologies too if it came out otherwise
~ Drool Drool Drool Drool Drool
Back to top
  |
Blackout
#308 Posted : Tuesday, July 20, 2010 5:24:14 PM
Rank: New-farer

Joined: 7/20/2010
Posts: 81
Location: humu nchini
jizz...I meant I did not mean and not
Quote:
hey com'on man..I did mean to create that impression...only that there were/are those celebs that go by the name ' Kalenjin sistas....the musicians' my apologies too if it came out otherwise~
Quote:


hahahahaha...its getting worse I guess
Back to top
  |
Blackout
#309 Posted : Tuesday, July 20, 2010 5:25:50 PM
Rank: New-farer

Joined: 7/20/2010
Posts: 81
Location: humu nchini
I cant even quote....I need lessons on this one...lemmi give it another shot

Quote:
hey com'on man..I did mean to create that impression...only that there were/are those celebs that go by the name ' Kalenjin sistas....the musicians' my apologies too if it came out otherwise
~
Back to top
  |
blackcobra
#310 Posted : Wednesday, July 21, 2010 10:39:33 AM
Rank: New-farer

Joined: 1/7/2010
Posts: 68
Location: kenya
copy & paste
THE KAMBA ALPHABET
A (hay) for Hunderwear
B (Mbi) for Mbiskuint (Biscuit)
C (si) for Sindwe
D (ndi) for Ndinjito (digital)
E (hi) for Hindiot (idiot)
F (fi) for Finjot (Peugeot)
G (njii) for Njilaf
H (ich) Eater (heater)
I (ai) for Ayena (hyena)
J (njei) for Njuis (juice)
K (ka) for Kambej (cabbage)
M (mi) for Miok (milk)
N (nn) for Nyus (news)
O (o) for Ombit (orbit)
P (fi) for Fagget (packet)
Q (ku) for Quessen (question)
R (ra) for Lap music (rap)
S (si) for Siupid (Stupid)
U (hiu) for Hiunifasiti (University)
V (pi) for Polpo (volvo)
W (hw) for Hwiu (Will)
X (x) for Xigiste (Sixty)
Y (hy) for Hyiud (yield)
Z (nze) for NZembla (Zebra)

henjoi your nde.
Back to top
  |
294 Pages«<2930313233>»
Forum Jump  
You cannot post new topics in this forum.
You cannot reply to topics in this forum.
You cannot delete your posts in this forum.
You cannot edit your posts in this forum.
You cannot create polls in this forum.
You cannot vote in polls in this forum.

Wazua Club SK Theme
Powered by YAF | YAF © 2003-2009, Yet Another Forum.NET
Copyright © 2026 Wazua.co.ke. All Rights Reserved.