First of all; getting a girl pregnant as a way of "engagement" is not the African way. To do so is not only irresponsible and dishonest; it is also just plain stupid! Most African cultures, after all, frown upon pregnancy outside wedlock.

Secondly; marriage is not a contract [which are all based on mistrust], but a covenant [always based on trust]. No one should get married unless they have this in their head.

What if the lady is your sister or daughter. A guy gets her pregnant and then put her on hold.

There are some men who are pretenders. How long will you be sure is enough for you to wait before you tie a knot. Do not joke with someones emotion bwana

Ok @ all. I knew it would sound ridiculous. Mukiha even says it's a stupid thought. May be I can recall the post on my own volition but the fact remains that something somewher seems to be the matter with the marriages and relationships in our days. As I grew up, I came to learn of couples...some were family friends who lived together and did their weddings when their oldest kid was in class five and to the best of my knowledge, they lived well together.

I also had a similar couple in college and they are happy together after wedding three years on (after birth of their first daughter).

I also know of friends who did it the soap opera way. One of them is a chick buddy and every time i ask her how the hubby is doing, she says "we unaharibu story". I am not advocating irresponsibility and I too have sisters, cousins and other female friends

Something is wrong somewhere in this funny order...either the people.or.. I it just a case of "that's how it's done"?

@spend.thrift

I take yours as a very genuine concern. It is common to find bad marriages more than we did a few years ago. I would think this is partly because of the present day pressures and life expectations. There is too much pressure from peers, families, friends etc to conform with what is the "societal" standards. These days, there is so much of "weddings" for a show or to compete than actually doing it to signify the commitment of the marriage. Wedding is not a marriage... wedding is an event and that is what many of these young people are forgetting.... Marriage is what you live in after everyone goes home on that wedding day for the next 50, 70 years depending. so the couple works so hard to make sure that they have a beautiful wedding that everyone will talk about and forget the life after... just like we are forgetting the life after august 4th....

So, majority of those you saw getting children before wedding truly believed in marriage and wedding to them was an event.... for example, my parents did their wedding when i was in college after every one of their child was born though they had conformed with the african 'wedding' or marriage ceremony etc. I did not doubt my dad's commitment to the family before or after their wedding. Marriage does not start after the wedding. And trust me, i had never seen or heard my dad quarrel with my mom openly.... of course they had their squabbles but they sorted them out in a way that we never got to know.. Even after their wedding, life went on as it used to be...

The danger you would be getting into by 'engaging' her in your "african" way is that you are actually putting her on probation and going ahead to bring a soul in such a situation. If she does not qualify, then she leaves. Then ask yourself, what happens to that child? And how many of those women will you have engaged? why bring a child into the picture if you are not sure of whether you will stay with the mother or not. If you contemplate having a child, then make sure that in your heart and mind you are clear/sure that that is the woman you want to be with for good or for worse unless the worse is unbearable... but that should be the last option... at least for the sake of the children. They do not deserve to be put on probation too together with their mothers. It will make your life so much easier and also for that lady. Life is not just about you or her especially if you deliberately bring the children into the equation. What if you know the woman you have settled with is actually putting you on probation? How committed do you think you will be in such a relationship?

@Wazua Admin;

What happened to the originating post on this thread?

Please return it. Without that original post, my reply sounds out of key and uncalled for.

I am tempted to delete it