An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the United Nations Assembly and made the world community smile.
The Palestinian Representative's Speech at the UN:

'Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Moses.
...When he struck the rock and brought forth water, he thought, 'What a
good opportunity to have bath!'
He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water.
When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished.
An Israeli had stolen them.'
The Israeli representative jumped up furiously and shouted, 'What are you talking about? The Israelis weren't there then.'

The Palestinian representative smiled and said:
'And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech.

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SPELLING
TIPS :omission of letters when writing can have disastrous
consequences: A Husband sent a message to his wife: "I'm having a
wonderful time here, I wish you were HER".

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Deejaying

KTN has employed
DJs to mix sports news: "Sofapaka beat harlequins by three wickets in a
tennis match that was played at muthaiga golf club. The winning goal was
scored by Pamela jelimo who ran the london marathon in a subaru impreza
during the tusker safari sevens rally"

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Quotes Quota:
1. There is no economy in going to bed early to save on power if the results is TWINS

2. Men are born between the legs of a woman and they spend their time trying to go back there..This is called homesickness

3. Women have been found to be the best structural engineers because they can demolish an erection without destroying the structure

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How India got its Name!!! The King and the Queen of India were having a romantic night .The king was busy thinking about the name to give his country spent a lot of tome without getin in. At one point, the queen shouted ITS IN DEAR!!!!...the king respnded..thats it...IN DEAR...INDIAAAAAA!!!!!

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i met her in a pub.nyc curves n all.she wz cold n sweatin profusely.so i
grabbed her,took her 2 my table,removed her top n put my lips on
hers...oooh,my beautiful bottle of tusker!

.....smiling!!!!

Umechizi!

A Catholic priest and an Anglican Vicar's cars collide. Both cars are wrecked but amazingly neither one of them is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the Priest says, "So you're a Vicar. That's interesting; I'm a Priest. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace." The Vicar replies, "Oh, yes, I agree. It's a miracle that we survived and are here together." the Priest says "And here's another miracle ,my car is destroyed but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink the wine and celebrate our good fortune," he says, handing the bottle to the Vicar. The Vicar nods in agreement, opens the wine, drinks half of it, and hands it back to the Catholic Priest. The Catholic priest takes it and puts the cap back on. "Aren't you going to have any? asks the Vicar. "Not right now," says the Catholic priesti. "I think I'll wait until after the police make their report

about this accident."

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A preacher was talking to a Sunday School class about kindness to animals. He cited the Biblical references to support his case.He then said "Now let's suppose that you saw a bad person cutting off the tail of a cat. What Biblical quotation would you use to tell him of the wrong he was doing?" A kid rose up and said ..... "what God hath joined together, let no man put asunder. (Mt. 19:6)"

all of u guys r sick. lol!!

Arab person sends an e-mail to his Dad saying:
Dear Dad,


Hamburg is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad,I am bit ashamed to arrive to my college with my Gold Mercedes, when all my Teachers travel by train.
Your Son
Nasser

Sometime later Nasser gets reply to his e-mail from his Dad:
Loving son,
Twenty Million Dollars transferred to your account, please stop embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too.
Your Dad

In high skull we had a teacher from Ghana called Tom Bayeye!

Mbekis kid is called Sito Mbeki.

And another kid called Barasa Tom.

Wanjiru, an eighteen-year-old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the chemist and buys a pregnancy kit.
The test result confirms that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half
an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their
house; a mature and distinguished man with grey
hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge.
If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail
stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account.
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account.
If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each.
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"
At this point, the father, who had remained silent,
places his hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You'll sleep with her again..."

COPY_PASTE

1.

A man walked into the ladies department of a Deacons
and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter
and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife.

What type of bra?" asked the saleslady.
Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one
type!?
Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a
sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material
imaginable.

Actually, even with all of this variety, there are
really only four types of bras to choose from.
Relieved, the man asked about the types. The
saleslady replied:
There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the
Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would
you prefer?

Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the
differences between them.
The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite
simple..

The Catholic type supports the masses.
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen,
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and
upright, and
The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills.

2.

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G,
and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out
what the letters stood for, it is about time you became
informed!

(A} Almost Boobs...
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain!
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up !



and do not forget the German bra.

Holtzemfromfloppen!