It's interesting to read the views of different people and like many things in life people tend to rely a lot on opinions as opposed to results.

As a married person i will try and draw parallels on the different scenarios i have seen through the places i have been, then maybe we can all judge by ourselves.

It's true in the recent times, marriage esp in Kenya has taken a different step altogether, one of my priest friends in All Saints told me it's a shame that over 60% of marriages done in his church over the last 3 years have failed. I don't know how true this is but again what's his incentive for lying??

What is common in Nairobi is that there is pressure to conform, (some-one used a different name) forgetting our circumstances are all different, and one surprising thing is it's NOT what you find in the west.

I can give practical examples, in my work place our HR director is married to a messenger, been happily married for 20 years or so! She has hosted us for different functions at her place and she is proud of him and most importantly not embarrassed, but what i came to realize such a scenario only caught my attention, to the rest of my colleagues that is normal. my question is what is so wrong with with marrying someone who is better than you at something or has more money than you? that in essence does not even begin to define who you are or your worth!!

Probably what can best epitomize Kenya's relationship scene is: i know a friends sister who went on a sabatical to Kenya working for Oxfam as an accounts assistant, when she came back i remember her telling me that Kenya is such a beautiful country BUT she found it funny people think it's cool to have multiple sex partners or cheat on your spouse in her words " I found that weird"

What i can say, what many read or see on TV just does not exist, one thing i appreciate and love about the west is the focus on the family..you see on weekends in malls, men pushing their prams, shopping with their wives and kids, eating ice cream, i love that, but when you come home i am not sure it's demeaning but people just don't seem to have time with their families.

My ricdeelet has started recognizing stuff..when i was home i took them to Daphne Sheldrick and we had carried sandwiches, soft drinks..it was mad fun esp feeding the baby elephants with bottled milk and learnt bout how the elephant population has been growing though her conservation efforts..what was astonishing is that we were the ONLY BLACKS yet we were in Kenya and it is FREE!!

I think it's more than those soaps people are blaming them about, We as a people need to seriously search ourselves and get priorities right..Instead of going to those bars with bouncing castles and bumping into 10 year old girls on your way to the loo for Heaven's sake!!
Get a life and have the balls to cook for your wife/girlfriend/Children or even take out every Friday and have a name or even copy mine, FUN FRIDAY

Si lazima you go to Village Market or Bunny Rogers, go to Uhuru Park, row your boats with your wife/gilfriend.. i do , it will be amazing i tell you, lastly as we all know and some have painfullY found out the grass is never greener on the other side.

Marriage is beautiful easier than stocks..

@ric dees, hats off.u,sokotele n mukiha paint marriage in its best colour.There's hope

@ Mahegoat! Yeah copied!

i like his way of seeing stuff,our failed coffee date aside ;)

I don't agree with anything that you've said above. That's so western. This is Africa my friend and though i don't have to whisper love words to my loved ones, they will know by my action that they are loved

By the way; there once lived a fellow called jammo in SK. He got married and moved out of the forum. I guess he spends the time with his wife instead of reading and making posts on the internet...

If it was a campaign speech, Ric Dees would have ran with the prize

@Groupielove..whats so western with telling your wife/girlfriend/children you love them! but if you think that's being western well your choice.

@mukiha oh yes i do all the time.

@Gathinga that was not the intention, but it saddens me the rot that has found it's way in Kenya's marriages we are all to blame, if i can offer hope to those who think it's a failed institution well i'd be glad to.

For those with children that can read and write, give a second party a task to ask your child/ren to write one word that best describes you, my friends that in essence will tell you if you are on the right track or not.

@groupielove..i have just sent an email to wife telling her i love her, call it what you want but that's just me!!

@Ric. When I grow up I want to be you!!
On a serious note. I feel you on this issue. its absolutely disgusting how we men treat women and family around here. It didn't occur to me until recently, how bad this is. Look no further for an answer to soaring divorce rates. It was all good and acceptable to treat women badly when they had no means to support themselves.But we can no longer treat them that way when they are achievers in their own right...they can even afford to live on their own. In a nutshell, we have refused to change with the times.

Am not sure however, about the roving eye of the man. @Ric, are you able to completely keep off from this hot gal here or there who comes your way and is all willing to play ball? If yes, where do you draw your inspiration and philosophy from?

Isn't it funny how science is always dismissed by some fine sounding lay arguments? (@wendz for example, very sweet, but no foundation for the ideas). I thought we would be celebrating the research and seeing how to re-style our relationships but shock on me! I remember how resistant and skeptical Kenyans were of opinion polls "this steadman, who did he interview? only 2100 people?" only for them to later come see the accuracy and value on polling.

Believe me the science i have written about on this thread before is real AND CAN ONLY HELP YOU MAKE BETTER DECISIONS. Of course there are exceptions but you should know not to be guided by exceptions. What a child needs MOST is a stable protective home and not this "touchy feely" staff about telling kids and spouses "i love you" all over the place, it will never take the place of a stable family. And that is love in action. I provide, protect and ensure my family grows together. Hollywood has clearly shown us this "marshy marshy" family ideas are fake. Take facts, let us begin by examining divorce rates worldwide and RIC DEES TAKE NOTE OF THE UNITED KINGDOM where everyone is hugging each other and saying "i love you", 42.6% are divorcing and going up, yet families go to the park together e.t.c, I don't think you have anything to tell us about strong family. On the other hand, Indians marry strangers who are vetted on logical criteria and the divorce rate is 1.1%. With this "touchy feely" upbringing families are headed nowhere but clearly for more divorce and a nation of openly "plugs and sockets". Yes! that is what you are potentially creating! Not bringing up men. Why not spend time with your boys showing them how to work, fish, garden rather than acting out "Dance with my father - Luther Vandross" mixing them with your daughter's and playing together as a family? Why not leave the girls to be modeled by their Mum? Be realistic!


Rank Country Percent
1 India 1.1
2 Sri Lanka 1.5
3 Japan 1.9
4 Republic of Macedonia 5.0
5 Bosnia and Herzegovina 5.0
6 Turkey 6.0
7 Armenia 6.0
8 Georgia 6.6
9 Italy 10.0
10 Azerbaijan 10.3
11 Albania 10.9
12 Israel 14.8
13 Spain 15.2
14 Croatia 15.5
15 Greece 15.7
16 Singapore 17.2
17 Poland 17.2
18 Romania 19.1
19 Slovenia 20.7
20 Bulgaria 21.1
21 Switzerland 25.5
22 Portugal 26.2
23 Slovakia 26.9
24 Moldova 28.1
25 Latvia 34.4
26 Canada 37.0
27 Hungary 37.5
28 Netherlands 38.3
29 France 38.3
30 Lithuania 38.9
31 Germany 39.4
32 Iceland 39.5
33 Ukraine 40.0
34 Norway 40.4
35 United Kingdom 42.6
36 Russia 43.3
37 Czech Republic 43.3
38 Austria 43.4
39 Belgium 44.0
40 Denmark 44.5
41 Estonia 46.7
42 Luxembourg 47.4
43 Finland 51.2
44 Belarus 52.9
45 United States 54.8
46 Sweden 54.9

@Much Know; despite your name, you don't seem to know much!

Your interpretation of data is suspect. Are you implying that those who tell their family "I love you" have a higher divorce rate than those who don't?

T establish that scientifically, you'd have to look at the 1.1% who divorce in India, for example, and compare them with the remaining 98.9% who don't: objective being to find out how often the husbands in these groups say I love you to the wives.

Same applies to the families that go on outings in the UK.

BTW: are you married? If not, then your opinion, however valid it appears, is untested.