I have had the benefit of living (observing) the two types of marriages (arranged marriage where you folks agree with your spouse and a love marriage where you pick who you are going to stay with) from a close angle and they all make sense... IN THEIR CONTEXT!!
Arranged marriage (on in our context where the parents play a big role in determining your spouse). If you live in your parents house or on their compound - where you share facilities such as a kitchen or a farm or cows... you had better picked a woman who your mother wants... because you will be torn in between the two of them. You cannot side with any when confrontation takes place - sio? and wewe ndio utakuwa na shida. This works for wahindi and somalis who live in one building wote!! ama people in shags.
Love marriage - you determine who you are going to live with... why? unaishi mjini... you travel to shags for 2-3 days a year. the rest of the time unaishi na huyu mtu mjini PEKE YENU!! surely why would you weigh someone elses words more than yours on this matter? it's wise to listen and listen keenly to what the folks say but if their reasons are 'huyu ni kabila fulani' - wachana nayo!! kwanza kama ulizaliwa town and you schooled with hao 'wa-X'. it's important to remember that parents mean well but they are not always right!! They are just as flawed as everyone else, they just have been given a huge responsibility to raise you. they are a product of their time and environment - cut them some slack but remember NI WEWE UNAISHI NA HUYU MTU.