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Child custody - married parents
Rank: Member Joined: 6/21/2010 Posts: 345 Location: easto
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hardwood wrote:No man should interfere with the affairs of another man's home. As you said up there, choices and consequences, when you marry a lady/am with a child, I think you should be ready for consequences also. Blood is way thicker, you cannot just dismiss biological parents "The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence." ― Charles Bukowski
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Rank: Elder Joined: 2/8/2013 Posts: 4,068 Location: At Large.
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shadowinvestor wrote:[quote=Bigchick]
What is the way out..
I dont think the law should come in.Let biological father and mum meet and discuss the issues around the matter.Let biological father lay down his demands.It is not advisable for a baby girl to be released to the father at age 10.
The Father has a right to the Toi, 10 years or not, in any case he is married and has a wife to take care of the Kid if its a womans touch needed.
In regards to the school thing, whether its Ego or not, if the school the father wants to take the Kid is better than current he has the right to demand it, i can see how this can be an issue for the mother as if she has other Kids with the new Husband and cannot afford Riara for example, you have three kids in the house, 2 going to Kilimani primary and one Riara. I think a compromise here it needed, both sides
Compromise is the english word I was looking for.It need not be a court matter. About custody my statement is its not advisable to release girl to father but its not impossible. Love is beautiful and so are those who share it.With Love, Marriage is an amazing event in ones life time, the foundation of joy, happiness and success.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 7/28/2015 Posts: 9,562 Location: Rodi Kopany, Homa Bay
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shadowinvestor wrote:[quote=Bigchick]
What is the way out..
I dont think the law should come in.Let biological father and mum meet and discuss the issues around the matter.Let biological father lay down his demands.It is not advisable for a baby girl to be released to the father at age 10.
The Father has a right to the Toi, 10 years or not, in any case he is married and has a wife to take care of the Kid if its a womans touch needed.
In regards to the school thing, whether its Ego or not, if the school the father wants to take the Kid is better than current he has the right to demand it, i can see how this can be an issue for the mother as if she has other Kids with the new Husband and cannot afford Riara for example, you have three kids in the house, 2 going to Kilimani primary and one Riara. I think a compromise here it needed, both sides
There should be no compromise whatsoever. If anything the man of the house should get a court order to restrain "the stranger" from contacting his wife or kids.
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 8/25/2012 Posts: 1,826
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tnai9 wrote:hardwood wrote:No man should interfere with the affairs of another man's home. As you said up there, choices and consequences, when you marry a lady/am with a child, I think you should be ready for consequences also. Blood is way thicker, you cannot just dismiss biological parents I think its juvenile for the man to try and interfere with another man's house, sasa he wants to take the girl to a school the levels of makini then the girls takes a matatu and goes back to kariofangi in the evening, hiyo ni kutesa mtoto. if the kid is happy where she is, wachana yeye, otherwise hii kuvutana and trying to show he has a bigger wallet will only end up messing up the kid.
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 1/3/2014 Posts: 1,063
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hardwood wrote:shadowinvestor wrote:[quote=Bigchick]
What is the way out..
I dont think the law should come in.Let biological father and mum meet and discuss the issues around the matter.Let biological father lay down his demands.It is not advisable for a baby girl to be released to the father at age 10.
The Father has a right to the Toi, 10 years or not, in any case he is married and has a wife to take care of the Kid if its a womans touch needed.
In regards to the school thing, whether its Ego or not, if the school the father wants to take the Kid is better than current he has the right to demand it, i can see how this can be an issue for the mother as if she has other Kids with the new Husband and cannot afford Riara for example, you have three kids in the house, 2 going to Kilimani primary and one Riara. I think a compromise here it needed, both sides
There should be no compromise whatsoever. If anything the man of the house should get a court order to restrain "the stranger" from contacting his wife or kids. The biological father has the right to see his daughter.Wazungus do this all the time.Waafrika hio level hatujafika. Consistency is better than intensity
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Rank: Member Joined: 6/21/2010 Posts: 345 Location: easto
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hardwood wrote:
Once you marry a woman all her children become your children and you take care of them all, and therefore no man should come into your home and insist to take care of "his biological child". If the man loved his daughter too much he should have married the mother. Choices have consequences. You cant have your cake and eat it.
Breakup: These guys had an unplanned baby. They were working in different towns, one evening my colleague made an impromptu visit to the X's house and found her in a compromising situation with another man, that is how he ended up not marrying her. So details have devils. There is a situation here. "The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence." ― Charles Bukowski
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Rank: Elder Joined: 7/28/2015 Posts: 9,562 Location: Rodi Kopany, Homa Bay
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tnai9 wrote:hardwood wrote:
Once you marry a woman all her children become your children and you take care of them all, and therefore no man should come into your home and insist to take care of "his biological child". If the man loved his daughter too much he should have married the mother. Choices have consequences. You cant have your cake and eat it.
Breakup: These guys had an unplanned baby. They were working in different towns, one evening my colleague made an impromptu visit to the X's house and found her in a compromising situation with another man, that is how he ended up not marrying her. So details have devils. There is a situation here. Has the man taken a dna test to prove the daughter is his now that the woman has a history of f@#%^& around?
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Rank: Elder Joined: 7/23/2008 Posts: 3,017
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This is actually tougher than I thought. The biological father has a reasonable expectation to interact with the daughter and provide for a her a quality of life that he feels she deserves. While the step father has a reasonable argument to want to raise all his children equally, and to run his family without interference by another man. My advise is they all sit down and reason together, lakini the biological father has to appreciate that he is the outsider here. "The purpose of bureaucracy is to compensate for incompetence and lack of discipline." James Collins
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Rank: Member Joined: 6/21/2010 Posts: 345 Location: easto
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hardwood wrote:
Has the man taken a dna test to prove the daughter is his now that the woman has a history of f@#%^& around?
@Hardwood that I don't know but I believe the guy is not just following responsibility in vain. I give him the benefit of doubt..and I believe he has rights "The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence." ― Charles Bukowski
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Rank: Member Joined: 6/21/2010 Posts: 345 Location: easto
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sitaki.kujulikana wrote:
I think its juvenile for the man to try and interfere with another man's house, sasa he wants to take the girl to a school the levels of makini then the girls takes a matatu and goes back to kariofangi in the evening, hiyo ni kutesa mtoto.
if the kid is happy where she is, wachana yeye, otherwise hii kuvutana and trying to show he has a bigger wallet will only end up messing up the kid.
How will the kid turn out, say compared to others who get better schooling? I know the future is unknown to all of us, but one can invest well now to hopefully have better outcome in future. Its a tough one..., but what several lawyers have told him is he will be granted access and will have a stake in major decisions affecting the child like religion, medical care, schooling etc. Custody is another story. The further very heartbreaking issue for this colleague is the X works in some shift based job and is away sometimes at night, several times a week. So guess who assists the kid do homework and many other things!! "The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence." ― Charles Bukowski
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Rank: Elder Joined: 7/28/2015 Posts: 9,562 Location: Rodi Kopany, Homa Bay
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Obi 1 Kanobi wrote:This is actually tougher than I thought.
The biological father has a reasonable expectation to interact with the daughter and provide for a her a quality of life that he feels she deserves.
While the step father has a reasonable argument to want to raise all his children equally, and to run his family without interference by another man.
My advise is they all sit down and reason together, lakini the biological father has to appreciate that he is the outsider here. He lost that opportunity when his X got married. This "biological father" should concentrate on his new family and stop messing up another man's home. Also kids believe that the man of the house is their dad and therefore there is no point in messing up their lives by telling them otherwise.
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Rank: Member Joined: 6/21/2010 Posts: 345 Location: easto
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hardwood wrote:
He lost that opportunity when his X got married. This "biological father" should concentrate on his new family and stop messing up another man's home. Also kids believe that the man of the house is their dad and therefore there is no point in messing up their lives by telling them otherwise.
Seems Hardwood has a bone to pick with the biological father. A 10 yr old kid knows about fathers and step fathers and knows who has a car and who doesn't and knows about cheaper and expensive schools. You will be shocked at the amount of info a 10yr has "The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence." ― Charles Bukowski
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Rank: Elder Joined: 7/28/2015 Posts: 9,562 Location: Rodi Kopany, Homa Bay
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tnai9 wrote:hardwood wrote:
He lost that opportunity when his X got married. This "biological father" should concentrate on his new family and stop messing up another man's home. Also kids believe that the man of the house is their dad and therefore there is no point in messing up their lives by telling them otherwise.
Seems Hardwood has a bone to pick with the biological father. A 10 yr old kid knows about fathers and step fathers and knows who has a car and who doesn't and knows about cheaper and expensive schools. You will be shocked at the amount of info a 10yr has I think i belong to the old school, where a man, however poor, takes care of "his family" without "strangers" demanding to chip in.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 12/7/2012 Posts: 11,908
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There is need for moderation and compromise. The 'biological father' should have access to the daughter on basic support and visitation. However the 'child' should grow up under the custody and care of the mother and step father. What they need to do is to talk and agree on dos, donts, basic needs, excesses (like buying the child a phone)etc that will make the kid still grow knowing the father but within the means of the current family. The biological father should have regular but not frequent meetings with the daughter, with very limited contact with the Ex .... fireworks can be revived. The biological father should start by showing goodwill by agreeing to pay school fees and providing basic needs based on agreements with the current family. But the situation really requires understanding and comprise from the 3 adults involved in this saga!!!!! Use of condom would have averted this situation.  In the business world, everyone is paid in two coins - cash and experience. Take the experience first; the cash will come later - H Geneen
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/21/2008 Posts: 2,490
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hardwood wrote:tnai9 wrote:hardwood wrote:
He lost that opportunity when his X got married. This "biological father" should concentrate on his new family and stop messing up another man's home. Also kids believe that the man of the house is their dad and therefore there is no point in messing up their lives by telling them otherwise.
Seems Hardwood has a bone to pick with the biological father. A 10 yr old kid knows about fathers and step fathers and knows who has a car and who doesn't and knows about cheaper and expensive schools. You will be shocked at the amount of info a 10yr has I think i belong to the old school, where a man, however poor, takes care of "his family" without "strangers" demanding to chip in.  I agree the biological father should stay away and stop interfering with that home. And a bigger problem with Ex’es is that when they meet its hard to control the “biology” irrespective of the conditions that led to the break up!! The man who marries a beautiful woman, and the farmer who grows corn by the roadside have the same problem
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Rank: Member Joined: 6/21/2010 Posts: 345 Location: easto
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Angelica _ann wrote:There is need for moderation and compromise. The 'biological father' should have access to the daughter on basic support and visitation. However the 'child' should grow up under the custody and care of the mother and step father. What they need to do is to talk and agree on dos, donts, basic needs, excesses (like buying the child a phone)etc that will make the kid still grow knowing the father but within the means of the current family. The biological father should have regular but not frequent meetings with the daughter, with very limited contact with the Ex .... fireworks can be revived. The biological father should start by showing goodwill by agreeing to pay school fees and providing basic needs based on agreements with the current family. But the situation really requires understanding and comprise from the 3 adults involved in this saga!!!!! Use of condom would have averted this situation. This is very true, but unfortunately the girls' mother has cut links completely with my colleague, no replies to texts or picking calls, think to avoid issues with the hubby. He is in darkness wondering where the kid is. He has been paying fees regularly. Currently I dont think there is a 'talking channel'..So this denial of access ndipo korti imetokea... about condoms..hehehe I dont know what happened..Swenani could guide  "The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence." ― Charles Bukowski
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Rank: Elder Joined: 7/28/2015 Posts: 9,562 Location: Rodi Kopany, Homa Bay
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Angelica _ann wrote:There is need for moderation and compromise. The 'biological father' should have access to the daughter on basic support and visitation. However the 'child' should grow up under the custody and care of the mother and step father. What they need to do is to talk and agree on dos, donts, basic needs, excesses (like buying the child a phone)etc that will make the kid still grow knowing the father but within the means of the current family. The biological father should have regular but not frequent meetings with the daughter, with very limited contact with the Ex .... fireworks can be revived. The biological father should start by showing goodwill by agreeing to pay school fees and providing basic needs based on agreements with the current family. But the situation really requires understanding and comprise from the 3 adults involved in this saga!!!!! Use of condom would have averted this situation. I never knew that marrying a single mom was such a complicated affair. I'd advice young men to avoid taking that route so as to avoid heartache and dramas in the future.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/20/2008 Posts: 6,275 Location: Kenya
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From my many experience interacting with people, htis is waht I've learnt:
1. Those who make most noise and say biological father should stay away and stop interfering with that home are single men who have no idea what they are talking about
2. Those single people, who feel no empathy for the biological father will experience a unique challenge in their marriage in future too... It is said what goes around comes around. So let them wait for their test, not necessarily a baby from x but a test nonetheless
3. When they get married and realize how naive they were, they keep quiet and "disappear"
4. Those people who are never married before are so ignorant of so many things... they still live in their dreams
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Rank: Elder Joined: 7/28/2015 Posts: 9,562 Location: Rodi Kopany, Homa Bay
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tnai9 wrote:Angelica _ann wrote:There is need for moderation and compromise. The 'biological father' should have access to the daughter on basic support and visitation. However the 'child' should grow up under the custody and care of the mother and step father. What they need to do is to talk and agree on dos, donts, basic needs, excesses (like buying the child a phone)etc that will make the kid still grow knowing the father but within the means of the current family. The biological father should have regular but not frequent meetings with the daughter, with very limited contact with the Ex .... fireworks can be revived. The biological father should start by showing goodwill by agreeing to pay school fees and providing basic needs based on agreements with the current family. But the situation really requires understanding and comprise from the 3 adults involved in this saga!!!!! Use of condom would have averted this situation. This is very true, but unfortunately the girls' mother has cut links completely with my colleague, no replies to texts or picking calls, think to avoid issues with the hubby. He is in darkness wondering where the kid is. He has been paying fees regularly. Currently I dont think there is a 'talking channel'..So this denial of access ndipo korti imetokea... about condoms..hehehe I dont know what happened..Swenani could guide Now that is one very wise woman. She has moved on and is doing what is best for her "new family". Good that they secretly moved the girl to a new school to cut off that school fees link. "The biological" should read the writing on the wall.
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Rank: Member Joined: 6/21/2010 Posts: 345 Location: easto
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AlphDoti wrote:From my many experience interacting with people, htis is waht I've learnt:
1. Those who make most noise and say biological father should stay away and stop interfering with that home are single men who have no idea what they are talking about
2. Those single people, who feel no empathy for the biological father will experience a unique challenge in their marriage in future too... It is said what goes around comes around. So let them wait for their test, not necessarily a baby from x but a test nonetheless
3. When they get married and realize how naive they were, they keep quiet and "disappear"
4. Those people who are never married before are so ignorant of so many things... they still live in their dreams Blood is very very thick..I feel for my guy ..I imagine the feeling that his daughter is 'out there' living and being assisted to do home work by a man who probably hates him, ..its depressing and really worrying... "The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence." ― Charles Bukowski
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