Yaani you work hard for many years, rugs to riches, then the small man emerges and messes it all up when you are enjoying the fruits... Wanaume, tunamashida.
I now understand why young men from Western are cutting it.

Western Kenya?

Perhaps one of the most revealing talks I have listened to on the subject matter are by Esther Perel, I will cut and paste sections of the talk as I press towards my point.



it's never been easier to cheat, and it's never been more difficult to keep a secret. And never has infidelity exacted such a psychological toll. When marriage was an economic enterprise, infidelity threatened our economic security. But now that marriage is a romantic arrangement, infidelity threatens our emotional security. Ironically, we used to turn to adultery -- that was the space where we sought pure love. But now that we seek love in marriage, adultery destroys it.

We have a romantic ideal in which we turn to one person to fulfill an endless list of needs: to be my greatest lover, my best friend, the best parent, my trusted confidant, my emotional companion, my intellectual equal. And I am it: I'm chosen, I'm unique, I'm indispensable, I'm irreplaceable, I'm the one. And infidelity tells me I'm not. It is the ultimate betrayal. Infidelity shatters the grand ambition of love. But if throughout history, infidelity has always been painful, today it is often traumatic, because it threatens our sense of self.
Today, we turn to one person to provide what an entire village once did: a sense of grounding, meaning, and continuity. At the same time, we expect our committed relationships to be romantic as well as emotionally and sexually fulfilling. Is it any wonder that so many relationships crumble under the weight of it all?

the cure?
Obama was once quoted as saying this about Michelle. This was before he was even a senator.
"Michelle is a tremendously strong person, and has a very strong sense of herself and who she is and where she comes from. But I also think in her eyes you can see a trace of vulnerability that most people don’t know, because when she’s walking through the world she is this tall, beautiful, confident woman. There is a part of her that is vulnerable and young and sometimes frightened, and I think seeing both of those things is what attracted me to her. And then what sustains our relationship is I’m extremely happy with her, and part of it has to do with the fact that she is at once completely familiar to me, so that I can be myself and she knows me very well and I trust her completely, but at the same time she is also a complete mystery to me in some ways. And there are times when we are lying in bed and I look over and sort of have a start. Because I realize here is this other person who is separate and different and has different memories and backgrounds and thoughts and feelings. It’s that tension between familiarity and mystery that makes for something strong, because, even as you build a life of trust and comfort and mutual support, you retain some sense of surprise or wonder about the other person."

The key is "otherness", people are attracted to people outside because of "otherness", sometimes it's rebuilding. It's presenting our best side to others. Newness, plus you don't know or need the other person. it's all new and unpredictable. In marriage you know this person too well. Weaknesses, strengths. but perhaps we don't want to be known fully! Fire needs air! Love and desire are not the same thing. All creatures have Sex but Eroticism is a thing of the mind that only humans have.
She goes ahead and says
"I have yet to see somebody who is so turned on by somebody who needs them. Wanting them is one thing. Needing them is a shot down and women have known that forever, because anything that will bring up parenthood will usually decrease the erotic charge."

how then do you cultivate "otherness" in marriage? is it possible? in theory yes.
"And I've gone to more than 20 countries in the last few years with 'Mating in Captivity,'' and I asked people, when do you find yourself most drawn to your partner? Not attracted sexually, per Se, but most drawn. And across culture, across religion, and across gender -- except for one -- there are a few answers that just keep coming back.
So the first group is: I am most drawn to my partner when she is away, when we are apart, when we reunite. Basically, when I get back in touch with my ability to imagine myself with my partner, when my imagination comes back in the picture, and when I can root it in absence and in longing, which is a major component of desire.
But then the second group is even more interesting. I am most drawn to my partner when I see him in the studio, when she is onstage, when he is in his element, when she's doing something she's passionate about, when I see him at a party and other people are really drawn to him, when I see her hold court. Basically, when I look at my partner radiant and confident. Probably the biggest turn-on across the board. Radiant, as in self-sustaining. I look at this person -- by the way, in desire people rarely talk about it, when we are blended into one, five centimeters from each other."
"the second group says - when I'm surprised, when we laugh together, as somebody said to me in the office today, when he's in his tux, so I said, you know, it's either the tux or the cowboy boots. But basically it's when there is novelty. But novelty isn't about new positions. It isn't a repertoire of techniques. Novelty is, what parts of you do you bring out? What parts of you are just being seen?"

The gender specific situation is "when I see him playing with our children" and is only women who find this "drawing". Men are not attracted/drawn to women playing with children.

The most interesting thing about this is that while we get kids through this eroticism - kids kill it. Our society is a society where Children are the central part of it. We focus on them. Perhaps what we need to understand is that maybe high in the list of the needs of kids we are striving to meet - parents that are erotically attracted to each other should be there. This may mean that you need to dump the kids. Since "Sex is a place you go. It's a space you enter inside yourself and with another, or others. So where do you go in sex? What parts of you do you connect to? What do you seek to express there? Is it a place for transcendence and spiritual union? Is it a place for naughtiness and is it a place to be safely aggressive? Is it a place where you can finally surrender and not have to take responsibility for everything? Is it a place where you can express your infantile wishes? What comes out there? It's a language. It isn't just a behavior.""

This is double tragedy. Bibi ya Kosewe anakuliwa and then the eater shoots him. And Kosewe's adulterous wife has 2 adult children, while the shooter is married with 7 kids. And all along I thought they were killing each other coz of a succulent 25yr old, and not some grandmum. Kwani how hot is this shosho?

http://www.the-star.co.k...an-who-shot-him_c1466885

you chinjad a meme moment bwana


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Ati from Thika.

Facing the mountain.

He was one of the characters in this song

Chisos

The one who said "if I no get money I got place to borrow!!"

Ata kama ni grandie,hii lazima iamushe shuma.