@gift

Leona has said it very well. I dont think there is much to add to what she has said but i think in life, there is one rule that i believe in.... If your intention is not to leave your husband for ever and ever and ever, then dont leave. The moment you leave and come back, you have given him the certificate to dog on you even in your bedroom because he knows for sure you arent going no where... its just empty threats.... Only leave your matrimonial home if you are sure what you are doing and adrenaline and hormones are not ruling your world. True you may be annoyed, anyone would, but i think you husband is not so unreasonable as not to talk about. Have you even tried raising it with your parents, a professional marriage counsellor, a church leader(if you believe them) etc before leaving your home? how will your leaving your home affect your children? Do you believe leaving him is the best solution you have? i commend you for not even thinking of hurting the child. Keep your dignity. dont let his wayward behaviour force you to stoop lower than you would go on your own accord.

By the way, the mistake that we women sometimes do is to shun our men once we learn he is dogging instead of facing the situation and trying to sort it out as honestly as we possibly can - eg, whether it is him with the problem or if it is actually us who are the problem. sometimes, it is also good to admit that with some men, you just cant stop them from dogging... i know men who adore their wives and they wont do anything to 'hurt' them but they will dog when they have a chance.... as Muganda said, one of the reason he is dogging is No. 5, that there is a woman out there too willing to dog with him but seriously, as his wife, how much can you control that short of putting him in your handbag and hitting his head(big or small) once it starts peeping?

Another issue raised by Leona and which I sometimes find an unrealistic expectation is the issue of trying to be Jeniffer lopez with flat tummy, no single stretch mark, hair always done with no chipped nails! Lets face it. If the guy does not want any child, is ok with eating take aways and having all his clothes done at serena or laico I have no problem looking like jeniffer lopez any day.... but if he wants to father children with me he needs to accept that those children are carried in a stomach that is not as huge as to fit 3+kgs of his image and has to do abit of stretching, if he wants me to be the best mother, then he should accept that once in a while, especially when i have just come from salon, his son/daughter - and himself, will pull my hair off for attention, and with age, the elasticity just fades away, just like his does - its the way we are created.... I am not saying that women should just let themselves go, but you cant expect her to be the same as the 20 year old swinging on a pole at applebees when she is 35 with three children to boot! You will have to accept to love her the way she is because she lost all that glory for her family... kweli ama rongo?

Just out of curiosity, does the age difference between spouses matter in terms of their communication?

@All
Thanks guys,that was just some lame,unprofessional advice for our sister gift and i blame it on hanging around old women in my family..

@Fundaah
Dont worry my dear,you have about 4decades to catch up with me...by then,you will be the 'advisor'. You'll understand why they say 'Kuishi kwingi ni kuona mengi.

@Wendz
Great advice right there I was wondering why i havent heard from you on this one!

Just a small clarification though,i didnt mean that married women should strive to be super gorgeous like akina JLO,the pole dancers or the drop dead gorgeous 20something year old down the street. It might have come out wrongly,but i meant,strive to look your best. It's a lot to ask for,but it works for many married women. You know? Dont let your hair look like you were fighting a fire all the time! Dont ignore the flabby tummy if you can do something about it,Dont let your eyebrows overgrow yet 2yrs down the line,you wouldnt be seen dead with bushy brows, maintain your dental health, keep your nails clean and well filed even if you cant afford the time and cash for a manicure. Dressup smartly according to your bodyshape and age,etc.There's something about a neat,organised and confident woman that appeals to most men.especially if he has to spend half his time with you per day,not to mention most of it is while sqeezed in the same 5 by 6 mini cell we call a bed

Just like the submission thing that most of us women spend ages to learn about and agree to(and still hate it),most women hate to imagine that looking good is part of the marriage sacrife you have to make,but harsh reality is,you have to look good for your hubby.With or without kids. Try the best you can at your own capacity.At least let him know & see that you try. In short,i dont mean makeup,scanty dressing or such,i mean putting an effort to look good(like the one we put while going for a friend's wedding or to the chama)

Not everybody was born beautiful,and not everyone can retain their natural beautiful,Beauty is deep down your heart,but the outer beauty and keeping yourself healthy and in good shape boosts your self esteem and wins the hearts of those around you(even kids love parents who put in some effort to look good).
Michelle Obama has 2kids,but looks absolutely gorgeous at her age,add the fact that she's intellegent and dresses up well without exaggerating,then Ask Obama if he isnt proud of her

Mbwa ya sokoni ni ya sokoni tuu..... feeding it with fish cake,choice steak,buttered bread and milk doesn't change it's ways.Ship out gal and find yourself a life.....or maybe your love for him is worth the sacrifice?

You Have 2 options.
1 is to stay with him knowing mko wengi
2nd is to walk and agree on how you will raise the kids. Anything else is waste of time,he will change only because he sees he is wrong not because you talked to marriage counselor or a relative-in fact a relative will spread the story like bush fire.

negativity dont solve anything..if a mistake happened by marring the guy dont dwell on that its the past and life continues....the two of you need to seat down and talk and you must show your hubby you are serious and not desparate(you can survive without him) The kids need the dad but also need you and if you are stressed you will be doing them no good..involve your closes family freind or someone that your husband can listen to.dont give up know that God is always on your side and will se you through....To all that hink "men are dogs" or women are bad,you are one of the two so be a good example and give the best always.