am not sure which way to go but i need a quick solution.

my spouse is having private chats and phone conversation and i have been monitoring them 24/7 which to me suggest something might be not oky as this is done from monday to friday. weekend they call it family hell days No phone calls or chats at all.comes monday when am off to work they are together online and on phone.At some point they discuss cash and then love but so far no done deal yet . when i read all the conversation online i tend to believe something is being cooked and i feel like to act before its too late. but am short of the formulae . who should i attack first and when and how.what will be the consequences of this .my spouse or the other person. I feel very bad and when i see my spouse i feel like puking when i know whats going behind the scenes ,however i don't want to disclose to them that i know whats going on. i need to safe the sinking boat but if i act without proper advice ,I swear someone will join elijah, and other ancestors who went before us and then i get a ticket to kamiti maximam prison or shimo latewa for ever.

Interrogate yourself and find out where you have failed or gone wrong to make your better half wander elsewhere. A man will always wander if he doesnt get what he wants at home. And note that you can never force someone to love you. Love and trust are built srore by srore. Harming someone wont help your situation. Instead of being a sleuth, why dont you spend that time being a good wife so that you can "cokia ruui mukaro"?

Such a case is a symptom of minds that are not well trained, and stunted spirituality. Even if the man gets the other woman, there's a great likelihood that all will end up the same way as now. If the wife leaves him, there's no guarantee that life will be any better for her. It's a lose-lose situation.

The solution involves seeking enlightenment and enduring and transforming the situation as it is. How to do that is a matter determined by the spiritual hunger and effort you are willing to exert, and the training available. Getting help from a professional counselor may be a good place to start since he/she will help you open your mind to the dynamics of your relationship and you'll be able to make better decisions.

A pet theory for me in such cases is 'object relations'. Here one gets to explore how a person chooses a spouse, the roles that he/she projects on the spouse, the responses elicited, the emergent needs and the like. That way behavior can be mapped and even altered. But that's just a start. But a good start in a life long journey.

How do you know the other spouse is not a he?

act now. show them the evidence.