There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

---

Join my newest venture at www.nairobians.net

...oh boy!

....Remember Fathers are allowed to take afew of EABL shares!!! I think the joy of having scored that high was too much to keep to himself. He must have drunk just to share it with other fathers...Thats why man was thrown out of the Garden of Eden.

Guys this is the reply I got from BMW (SA)to my application for the BMW X6. At the end there's a picture of peanuts,which they very kindly pointed out is reminds them of my payslip.


Dear Gatuang'ong'o,
Thank you for your interest in the new BMW.

BMW SA acknowledges your dream of owning one. We however regret to inform you that after looking at your payslip even after your Bonus, your application was unsuccessful and frankly, you can never afford a BMW in the near future. Not even a second hand one. Please learn to temper your ambitions realistically.

We appreciate your dreams and your desires but our brand is not for the third class people like you.

We would be glad if you don’t insult us with your payslip again, and have indeed forwarded a copy of it and your application to our lawyers for further action.

I have also forwarded your details to TATA, Used Old Cars Division, as well as to ZONGSHEN MOTORCYCLES FROM CHINA for consideration.

Regards,

General Manager: BMW Brand Management
011 - 4766 BMW (269)

One evening a father overheard his son saying his prayers "God bless Mommy, Daddy and Grammy. Goodbye Grandpa."

Well, the father thought it was strange, but he soon forgot about it. The next day, the Grandfather died.

A month later the father heard his son saying prayers again: "God bless Mommy. God bless Daddy. Goodbye Grammy." The next day the grandmother died. Well, the father was getting more than a little worried about the whole situation.

One week later, the father once again overheard his sons prayers. "God Bless Mommy. Good bye Daddy."

This nearly gave the father a heart attack. He didn't say anything but he got up early to go to work, so that he would miss the traffic. He stayed all through lunch and dinner. Finally after midnight he went home. He was still alive! When he got home he apologized to his wife. "I am sorry Honey. I had a very bad day at work today."

"You think you've had a bad day? YOU THINK YOU'VE HAD A BAD DAY!?" the wife yelled, "The mailman dropped dead on my doorstep this morning!"

A timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference for an organization...

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.

It seemed a little strange? When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.

Then I looked around saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?"

"Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired MBS Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they

concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our

personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare.

"I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now."

I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the

Same string hanging from their flies.

So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you

Tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so Observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in

the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands,

shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent."

"After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

"Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon."

In 2days sermon the pastor said "if i had all the beer,wine and whiskey in the world id take it n pour it into the river" sermon complete the pastor sat domn. The song leader stood very coutiously n said "for our closing song lets sing hymn #365 "shall we gather at river" we r now at the river.

A.K.A the HE goat,
...i would gladly accept.
...Now,choose hapiness in your life over trivial things which you cant handle..eg the constitution,maize, fuel,matatu driver et al.
...Now lets continue having a nice day and making chums till the next erections.
where were we....

...An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male
buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter, "Me want coffee."
The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up." He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.

The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the
buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of animal to splatter every where,
then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand pulling
another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to
the waiter, "Me want coffee."

The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?"


The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Me training for upper management position:


Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day!


Now..am off to my daughters prize giving day ,out for the rest of the day.Hope to see you there smiling and clapping when she picks her prize....enjoy

Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days.

Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired of God. "Where hast thou been?" God took a deep sigh of
satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I hast made!"

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?" "It's a
planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it shall be a great place of balance." "Balance?" inquired

Michael still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great
opportunity and wealth while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot while this one will be very cold and covered in ice." The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land in the eastern part of Africa and said, "What's that one?"



"Ah," said God. "That's Kenya the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful beaches, mountains, streams, hills, and water falls. The people from Kenya are going to be very handsome, modest, intelligent and humorous and they are going to be found travelling the world holding good jobs. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace, play football and go to the Olympics." Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed,
"What about balance, God? You said there would be balance!!!"



God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the idiots that will run their government"

@Wendz,
LMAO.....Your ingrish tisha ought to be buried alive!