My most embarrassing moment after high school was when
I was working at my uncle’s Cyber Cafe in
Kericho. I wasn’t actually working; it’s those moments when
you are done with high school and your parents want you to
go to a new environment before you start increasing the
population of the estate with them bitches you met back at
drama festivals.
So I’m in the cyber and it’s like 2 months since I left home
and I’m enjoying life to the fullest. And I’m doing scanning,
photocopying, printing, typesetting, binding, and all that
cyber shit. And uncle used to leave for lunch at around
quarter to midday.
And I’m on the main computer at the counter feeling like a
boss, browsing my shit, and every comp in the cyber is full
with clients. So I’ve got my headphones on watching real
hip-hop shit on YouTube then I hear one client asking me,
“Boss, hii comp yangu ikona PDF??”
That question caught me off guard. For the 2 months I’ve
been in this cyber, I ain’t heard no word like PDF. Uncle
didn’t tell me anything like PDF shit during my orientation.
And I’m reacting like that moment when you’re in class and
the
most feared teacher enters for a lesson and asks,
"Did you guys do that assignment I gave you last time???"
And you have no idea what goddam assignment it is, but
99% of the students have done it, and your ass is the
remaining 1 percent.
So I’m looking at this nigga and I know there’s no way I’m
gonna admit that I don’t know what the
f*** a PDF is. So I stand up and walk to his computer and
I’m like, “Hii PDF niliaawacha hapa kando kwa comp.
(bending over). Ebu niangalie kwa hii space kama
inaeza kuwa imeanguka chini.”
By now, the whole cyber has broken down into laughter but I
don’t give no shit coz I’m gonna pull out that PDF from
under the table.
So my uncle walks in and I walk straight to him and I’m like,
“Uncle, ile PDF nilikuwa nimeweka hapo kwa meza
ikicharge, iko wapi???” Then the clients laugh even harder
and uncle gives me that look that suggests,
“This nigger been smoking illegal shit since he came to this
cyber. I’m okay if he continues searching
for PDF under the table, but I ain’t allowing him to call me
uncle in front of my clients. I ain’t taking that
kind of shame.”
And uncle walks to the client’s computer, clicks Windows,
Start, Menu, then opens Adobe Reader, then PDF file.
That’s when I realized that PDF was actually a computer
file. It’s like Microsoft Word Document, Or
Mozilla Firefox. And I spent the whole day thinking about
me claiming that I was charging PDF some hours ago and
ati the rechargeable shit had even dropped
under the table and I was searching for it. And I realized
how stupid I was. And since then, clients be
walking to the counter when uncle is gone for lunch and
they be like, “Boss, hii comp yangu ikona Mozilla
Firefox ama pia hiyo umeiweka( kwa charger??”
I resigned 3 days later.