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The Pain of being a Kenyan in diaspora
Rank: Elder Joined: 3/18/2011 Posts: 12,069 Location: Kianjokoma
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Rank: Member Joined: 6/17/2010 Posts: 572
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[quote=Lolest!]  true but funny!! Quote:A Kenyan woman in Doha, Qatar has launched a video blasting Kenyans back at home who are always asking her for money to go for outings. The woman named Maureen Wanjiku posted the video on Facebook saying that the same Kenyans asking her for money are the same ones saying that Kenyan women in the Gulf are selling themselves for money. She decries the mentality that Kenyans living abroad have a smooth ride. She also says that now that she is abroad, Kenyans who used to call her Kimaureen and Kiwanjiku now have changed the tune to calling her “babe”, “mrembo” Msupa” and all the niceties that come along with it just to get something from her. watch video on link http://www.jambonewspot....-for-money-for-outings/[/quote]  chlorox (sp) ni nini 'One headache for famous medieval holy people was that someone might murder you to acquire your body parts for the relics trade'
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Rank: Elder Joined: 1/17/2013 Posts: 4,693 Location: Earth
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 Yaani Lol-lest...Kweli wazuans mko everywhere. Kiash Spoke. Wajiru wa chlorox has spoken. xxx will soon speak One Word for you all- Back off!.
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Rank: User Joined: 8/15/2013 Posts: 13,237 Location: Vacuum
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kysse wrote:Yaani Lol-lest...Kweli wazuans mko everywhere. Kiash Spoke. Wajiru wa chlorox has spoken. xxx will soon speak One Word for you all- Back off!. Kikysse If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
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Rank: Elder Joined: 7/10/2008 Posts: 9,131 Location: Kanjo
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Swenani wrote:kysse wrote:Yaani Lol-lest...Kweli wazuans mko everywhere. Kiash Spoke. Wajiru wa chlorox has spoken. xxx will soon speak One Word for you all- Back off!. Kikysse Ms Kiash has spoken!  funny! What are those on her blouse? they look like giant pegs but she has a point. this thread fits into the "African Curse thread" i.am.back!!!!
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/18/2011 Posts: 12,069 Location: Kianjokoma
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haiya @kyses, hii chlorex ni ya kubleach? Kwani being lighter changes one from Kiwanjiku to kasupuu?
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Rank: Elder Joined: 1/17/2013 Posts: 4,693 Location: Earth
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Lolest! wrote:haiya @kyses, hii chlorex ni ya kubleach? Kwani being lighter changes one from Kiwanjiku to kasupuu? Hii chlorox ni ya kufanya #parasites# wawe mbeautiful. Those who used to call her kiwajiku  have been advised to use it to become supuus. @ harrydre,those are giant pegs used to hang her words online.See she had come from hanging clothes,stolen her boss' phone to record this cz she uses kabambe. And you dare ask her to buy you a samsung. I like her.
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/18/2011 Posts: 12,069 Location: Kianjokoma
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Kimaureeni coz amesema tusimsifu
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Rank: Member Joined: 1/20/2015 Posts: 489 Location: Nairobi
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I dont live in Kenya, sijui kama TZ qualifies to be called Disapora. But there are many problems of living away from home. 1. Communication: being Kenyan, you are accustomed to sheng and English. You can talk freely as you want but whoever you are talking with will understand you very loud and clear. Here speaking anything not fluent Swahili betrays you and makes you prone to unnecessary public attention. Nobody to speak Kalenjin to here. 2. Phone calls from home: When you live far from your relatives and friends, everytime a phone call comes, you start shivering as the news could be bad, meaning that your friend or relative is gone. Mother's calls are the only ones without any suspicion. 3. Basic items: things here have so many different names, you can take several minutes in a shop trying to explain what you want. Things like Jik, Omo, Panga Soap, queen cakes, and other foods have very indigenous names that can at times suck to remember. 4. Being in a poorer country than Kenya, everyone you meet here thinks you are so rich, yet you are 'just rich' (Ujaluo itatuuua). Yeah its true, our currency is stronger but that does not mean that i will give out money. Meet any girl and your language betrays you, wanaingia box tu coz you can afford to take her out and buy her countless number of beers and afford her the luxury of a taxi, which is abt Kshs.200 on average!! 5. Miss dem days of encountering ratchet girls back at home, Nakuru 10s, Masaku 7s and Safcom 7s. Niggas here only know soccer and its a men's only affair. How boring! 6. Reality, nimemiss jam sana manze, jam ya Thika Road from All Sops at 6:50 all the way to town. Here people do not have an idea of what traffic jam is, Dar though, traffic is terrible than even Nairobi. With those guys selling sweets in the buses, i used to buy them, not because i chew gum but juu i pittied them a lot. 7. Kenyan beauties: miss dem a lot. Kenyan chics are nice, literate, civilized, stylish and very hardworking. Here chics are so pretty but very illiterate and uncivilized. You meet a very pretty chic, she doesnt even know where Johhanesburg is, she doesnt know the capital of Ethiopia, she has never heard of a country called Eritrea or Djibouti. However pretty you are but you are dumb kwangu ni kwaheri ya kuonana. To them the husband works n provides as she pigas gumzo mtaani with friends. the learned ones sparingly understand English. Wanabore sana. 8. Driving a good car here gives you some unnecessary attention, especially from ladies who are always more than willing to be offered lifts, unlike in Nairobi where you can drive a range rover and no one, even the boda boda man, gives a f***!! As a result all the time am driving, roll up tinted windows to avoid women begging for lifts! 9. Chapati, madondo na avocado. Enjoy every moment of your life, you never know when your time will come.
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 6/23/2014 Posts: 1,652
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 6/23/2014 Posts: 1,652
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Lolest! wrote:Kimaureeni coz amesema tusimsifu Hutia Mundu!!
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Rank: User Joined: 8/15/2013 Posts: 13,237 Location: Vacuum
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UpcomingPaperChaser wrote:I dont live in Kenya, sijui kama TZ qualifies to be called Disapora. But there are many problems of living away from home.
1. Communication: being Kenyan, you are accustomed to sheng and English. You can talk freely as you want but whoever you are talking with will understand you very loud and clear. Here speaking anything not fluent Swahili betrays you and makes you prone to unnecessary public attention. Nobody to speak Kalenjin to here.
2. Phone calls from home: When you live far from your relatives and friends, everytime a phone call comes, you start shivering as the news could be bad, meaning that your friend or relative is gone. Mother's calls are the only ones without any suspicion.
3. Basic items: things here have so many different names, you can take several minutes in a shop trying to explain what you want. Things like Jik, Omo, Panga Soap, queen cakes, and other foods have very indigenous names that can at times suck to remember.
4. Being in a poorer country than Kenya, everyone you meet here thinks you are so rich, yet you are 'just rich' (Ujaluo itatuuua). Yeah its true, our currency is stronger but that does not mean that i will give out money. Meet any girl and your language betrays you, wanaingia box tu coz you can afford to take her out and buy her countless number of beers and afford her the luxury of a taxi, which is abt Kshs.200 on average!!
5. Miss dem days of encountering ratchet girls back at home, Nakuru 10s, Masaku 7s and Safcom 7s. Niggas here only know soccer and its a men's only affair. How boring!
6. Reality, nimemiss jam sana manze, jam ya Thika Road from All Sops at 6:50 all the way to town. Here people do not have an idea of what traffic jam is, Dar though, traffic is terrible than even Nairobi. With those guys selling sweets in the buses, i used to buy them, not because i chew gum but juu i pittied them a lot.
7. Kenyan beauties: miss dem a lot. Kenyan chics are nice, literate, civilized, stylish and very hardworking. Here chics are so pretty but very illiterate and uncivilized. You meet a very pretty chic, she doesnt even know where Johhanesburg is, she doesnt know the capital of Ethiopia, she has never heard of a country called Eritrea or Djibouti. However pretty you are but you are dumb kwangu ni kwaheri ya kuonana. To them the husband works n provides as she pigas gumzo mtaani with friends. the learned ones sparingly understand English. Wanabore sana.
8. Driving a good car here gives you some unnecessary attention, especially from ladies who are always more than willing to be offered lifts, unlike in Nairobi where you can drive a range rover and no one, even the boda boda man, gives a f***!! As a result all the time am driving, roll up tinted windows to avoid women begging for lifts!
9. Chapati, madondo na avocado. You were young and innocent just the other day before you got a job...sasa umeharibika If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 6/23/2014 Posts: 1,652
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Swenani wrote:UpcomingPaperChaser wrote:I dont live in Kenya, sijui kama TZ qualifies to be called Disapora. But there are many problems of living away from home.
1. Communication: being Kenyan, you are accustomed to sheng and English. You can talk freely as you want but whoever you are talking with will understand you very loud and clear. Here speaking anything not fluent Swahili betrays you and makes you prone to unnecessary public attention. Nobody to speak Kalenjin to here.
2. Phone calls from home: When you live far from your relatives and friends, everytime a phone call comes, you start shivering as the news could be bad, meaning that your friend or relative is gone. Mother's calls are the only ones without any suspicion.
3. Basic items: things here have so many different names, you can take several minutes in a shop trying to explain what you want. Things like Jik, Omo, Panga Soap, queen cakes, and other foods have very indigenous names that can at times suck to remember.
4. Being in a poorer country than Kenya, everyone you meet here thinks you are so rich, yet you are 'just rich' (Ujaluo itatuuua). Yeah its true, our currency is stronger but that does not mean that i will give out money. Meet any girl and your language betrays you, wanaingia box tu coz you can afford to take her out and buy her countless number of beers and afford her the luxury of a taxi, which is abt Kshs.200 on average!!
5. Miss dem days of encountering ratchet girls back at home, Nakuru 10s, Masaku 7s and Safcom 7s. Niggas here only know soccer and its a men's only affair. How boring!
6. Reality, nimemiss jam sana manze, jam ya Thika Road from All Sops at 6:50 all the way to town. Here people do not have an idea of what traffic jam is, Dar though, traffic is terrible than even Nairobi. With those guys selling sweets in the buses, i used to buy them, not because i chew gum but juu i pittied them a lot.
7. Kenyan beauties: miss dem a lot. Kenyan chics are nice, literate, civilized, stylish and very hardworking. Here chics are so pretty but very illiterate and uncivilized. You meet a very pretty chic, she doesnt even know where Johhanesburg is, she doesnt know the capital of Ethiopia, she has never heard of a country called Eritrea or Djibouti. However pretty you are but you are dumb kwangu ni kwaheri ya kuonana. To them the husband works n provides as she pigas gumzo mtaani with friends. the learned ones sparingly understand English. Wanabore sana.
8. Driving a good car here gives you some unnecessary attention, especially from ladies who are always more than willing to be offered lifts, unlike in Nairobi where you can drive a range rover and no one, even the boda boda man, gives a f***!! As a result all the time am driving, roll up tinted windows to avoid women begging for lifts!
9. Chapati, madondo na avocado. You were young and innocent just the other day before you got a job...sasa umeharibika Kiyana ameenda mayuu. Hutia Mundu!!
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Rank: Member Joined: 10/23/2007 Posts: 604
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[quote=UpcomingPaperChaser]As a result all the time am driving, roll up tinted windows to avoid women begging for lifts...
God bless you for not giving in to fornication/adultery (depending on your marital status). There is nothing as enticing as women throwing themselves at you. I once travelled to Kakamega to do an IT job, basic stuff but I almost came back with a wife. The same happened in Kinangop....sema ku-rub-iwa nyonyo kwa shoulder in the name of following something on the screen as I explained.
I thank God I resisted coz hiyo ni ile unapewa na ukimaliza unafungiwa upeleke nyumbani.
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 6/23/2014 Posts: 1,652
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Coolbull wrote:[quote=UpcomingPaperChaser]As a result all the time am driving, roll up tinted windows to avoid women begging for lifts...
God bless you for not giving in to fornication/adultery (depending on your marital status). There is nothing as enticing as women throwing themselves at you. I once travelled to Kakamega to do an IT job, basic stuff but I almost came back with a wife. The same happened in Kinangop....sema ku-rub-iwa nyonyo kwa shoulder in the name of following something on the screen as I explained.
I thank God I resisted coz hiyo ni ile unapewa na ukimaliza unafungiwa upeleke nyumbani. Wewe Bull acha kuniangusha.A bull should do what a bull is required to do.Kwa nini unaacha watu na kiu? Hutia Mundu!!
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Rank: User Joined: 8/15/2013 Posts: 13,237 Location: Vacuum
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Wamunyota wrote:Coolbull wrote:[quote=UpcomingPaperChaser]As a result all the time am driving, roll up tinted windows to avoid women begging for lifts...
God bless you for not giving in to fornication/adultery (depending on your marital status). There is nothing as enticing as women throwing themselves at you. I once travelled to Kakamega to do an IT job, basic stuff but I almost came back with a wife. The same happened in Kinangop....sema ku-rub-iwa nyonyo kwa shoulder in the name of following something on the screen as I explained.
I thank God I resisted coz hiyo ni ile unapewa na ukimaliza unafungiwa upeleke nyumbani. Wewe Bull acha kuniangusha.A bull should do what a bull is required to do.Kwa nini unaacha watu na kiu? He will burn in hell,He is such selfish bull Luke 11:10-12 Quote:For everyone who asks, receives; and he who seeks, finds; and to him who knocks, it will be opened. 11"Now suppose one of you fathers is asked by his son for a fish; he will not give him a snake instead of a fish, will he? 12"Or if he is asked for an egg, he will not give him a scorpion, will he If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
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Rank: Elder Joined: 2/7/2007 Posts: 11,935 Location: Nairobi
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Wamunyota wrote:Coolbull wrote:[quote=UpcomingPaperChaser]As a result all the time am driving, roll up tinted windows to avoid women begging for lifts...
God bless you for not giving in to fornication/adultery (depending on your marital status). There is nothing as enticing as women throwing themselves at you. I once travelled to Kakamega to do an IT job, basic stuff but I almost came back with a wife. The same happened in Kinangop....sema ku-rub-iwa nyonyo kwa shoulder in the name of following something on the screen as I explained.
I thank God I resisted coz hiyo ni ile unapewa na ukimaliza unafungiwa upeleke nyumbani. Wewe Bull acha kuniangusha. A bull should do what a bull is required to do.Kwa nini unaacha watu na kiu? Substitute that with one word.Climb Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
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