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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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SPOTTED AT A BAR IN CHEPTIRET 1. Ukifanya order, pls tulia kama machi ya mtungi, sio saa sote unakumbusha waiter. Kwani uoni ni mutu msima? Plel. 2.Ukisikia pombe amechaa kwa kichwo, tavathali kaikai usianse kutirtiren hapa na kuansa kuimba nyimbo sa Micah. 3. Kwa haba hifi hakuna dense floor. Kwa hifyo ukitaka kufunja mbafu, tembesa mkuu Canifore. 4. Chents ama ukibenda Urinols, hatukatai, siko. Hacha ndogo ni sawa. Kubwa, malisa pombe upeleke kwako. Hapa tunausa pombe si ugali. 5. Tapia ya kufinyia waiter chicho ikome. Umesikia yeye ni taktari ya majo? Plel vul. 6. Kuwekewa mjele si pig deal. Ukiwekewa, utoe na uendelee na pombe yako. 7. Maneno ya CORD na Chupilii peleke fespuk. Sio Hapa!! BY MANAGEMENT. Carolyne Tarus
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/17/2008 Posts: 23,365 Location: Nairobi
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A devout Arab Muslim got into a cab in London. He curtly asked the 'cab driver' to turn off the radio because his religious doctrine forbade him listening to music. The Cab driver politely asked why. His passenger replied that in the time of the Holy Prophet there was no music, especially Western music, which is the music of the infidel. The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab and opened the door for his passenger to disembark. The Arab Muslim was surprised and asked him: "What are you doing???" The Cab driver answered: "In the time of the Holy Prophet, there were no taxis, no bombs, no plane hijacks, no west invented loud speakers in mosques that woke up newly born, the elderly and the sick at unearthly hours, no suicide attacks, no RDX, no AK 47; only 'PEACE' everywhere. So shut up, get down and wait for a camel." ..."Wewe ni mtu mdogo sana....na mwenye amekuandika pia ni mtu mdogo sana!".
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 12/1/2008 Posts: 1,098
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McReggae wrote:A devout Arab Muslim got into a cab in London.
He curtly asked the 'cab driver' to turn off the
radio because his religious doctrine forbade him
listening to music. The Cab driver politely asked
why. His passenger replied that in the time of
the Holy Prophet there was no music, especially
Western music, which is the music of the
infidel. The cab driver politely switched off the
radio, stopped the cab and opened the door for
his passenger to disembark. The Arab Muslim
was surprised and asked him: "What are you
doing???" The Cab driver answered: "In the time
of the Holy Prophet, there were no taxis, no
bombs, no plane hijacks, no west invented loud
speakers in mosques that woke up newly born,
the elderly and the sick at unearthly hours, no
suicide attacks, no RDX, no AK 47; only 'PEACE'
everywhere. So shut up, get down and wait for a
camel." 
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 11/9/2009 Posts: 2,003
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Jump-steady wrote:McReggae wrote:A devout Arab Muslim got into a cab in London.
He curtly asked the 'cab driver' to turn off the
radio because his religious doctrine forbade him
listening to music. The Cab driver politely asked
why. His passenger replied that in the time of
the Holy Prophet there was no music, especially
Western music, which is the music of the
infidel. The cab driver politely switched off the
radio, stopped the cab and opened the door for
his passenger to disembark. The Arab Muslim
was surprised and asked him: "What are you
doing???" The Cab driver answered: "In the time
of the Holy Prophet, there were no taxis, no
bombs, no plane hijacks, no west invented loud
speakers in mosques that woke up newly born,
the elderly and the sick at unearthly hours, no
suicide attacks, no RDX, no AK 47; only 'PEACE'
everywhere. So shut up, get down and wait for a
camel." Utakutilio
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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radio wrote:Jump-steady wrote:McReggae wrote:A devout Arab Muslim got into a cab in London.
He curtly asked the 'cab driver' to turn off the
radio because his religious doctrine forbade him
listening to music. The Cab driver politely asked
why. His passenger replied that in the time of
the Holy Prophet there was no music, especially
Western music, which is the music of the
infidel. The cab driver politely switched off the
radio, stopped the cab and opened the door for
his passenger to disembark. The Arab Muslim
was surprised and asked him: "What are you
doing???" The Cab driver answered: "In the time
of the Holy Prophet, there were no taxis, no
bombs, no plane hijacks, no west invented loud
speakers in mosques that woke up newly born,
the elderly and the sick at unearthly hours, no
suicide attacks, no RDX, no AK 47; only 'PEACE'
everywhere. So shut up, get down and wait for a
camel." Utakutilio PBUY
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Rank: Member Joined: 1/10/2015 Posts: 411
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washiku wrote:radio wrote:Jump-steady wrote:McReggae wrote:A devout Arab Muslim got into a cab in London.
He curtly asked the 'cab driver' to turn off the
radio because his religious doctrine forbade him
listening to music. The Cab driver politely asked
why. His passenger replied that in the time of
the Holy Prophet there was no music, especially
Western music, which is the music of the
infidel. The cab driver politely switched off the
radio, stopped the cab and opened the door for
his passenger to disembark. The Arab Muslim
was surprised and asked him: "What are you
doing???" The Cab driver answered: "In the time
of the Holy Prophet, there were no taxis, no
bombs, no plane hijacks, no west invented loud
speakers in mosques that woke up newly born,
the elderly and the sick at unearthly hours, no
suicide attacks, no RDX, no AK 47; only 'PEACE'
everywhere. So shut up, get down and wait for a
camel." He he he Utakutilio PBUY Your income is directly related to your philosophy, Not the economy.-Jim Rohn
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Rank: Member Joined: 1/10/2015 Posts: 411
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Mombasa raha  Your income is directly related to your philosophy, Not the economy.-Jim Rohn
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/2/2009 Posts: 26,328 Location: Masada
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derick wrote:washiku wrote:radio wrote:Jump-steady wrote:McReggae wrote:A devout Arab Muslim got into a cab in London.
He curtly asked the 'cab driver' to turn off the
radio because his religious doctrine forbade him
listening to music. The Cab driver politely asked
why. His passenger replied that in the time of
the Holy Prophet there was no music, especially
Western music, which is the music of the
infidel. The cab driver politely switched off the
radio, stopped the cab and opened the door for
his passenger to disembark. The Arab Muslim
was surprised and asked him: "What are you
doing???" The Cab driver answered: "In the time
of the Holy Prophet, there were no taxis, no
bombs, no plane hijacks, no west invented loud
speakers in mosques that woke up newly born,
the elderly and the sick at unearthly hours, no
suicide attacks, no RDX, no AK 47; only 'PEACE'
everywhere. So shut up, get down and wait for a
camel." He he he Utakutilio PBUY PBU-YOU Portfolio: Sold
You know you've made it when you get a parking space for your yatcht.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/2/2009 Posts: 26,328 Location: Masada
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...na ulimwengu yatapita lakini neno litasimama...x2 Portfolio: Sold
You know you've made it when you get a parking space for your yatcht.
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Kamau, from Nyeri walked into a bar and aggressively shouted his order to the barman. 'Please give me half a kilo of meat with kienyeji and then give everyone half a kilo steak and ugali because when I eat , I want everyone to eat!' The barman processed his request and gave him his meal and everyone else their meals. When they finished enjoying their meal he shouted for another order. 'Give me a bottle of Kenya Cane and give everybody else a bottle of whiskey because when I drink I want everybody to drink!' Everyone was happy and singing Kamau praises saying Kamau is 'The man'. When Kamau finished his drink he shouted again. 'Give me my bill and give everyone else their own bill, because when I pay for my meal and drinks I want everyone to pay for theirs!'...... His funeral will be this Saturday.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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washiku wrote:Kamau, from Nyeri walked into a bar and aggressively shouted his order to the barman. 'Please give me half a kilo of meat with kienyeji and then give everyone half a kilo steak and ugali because when I eat , I want everyone to eat!' The barman processed his request and gave him his meal and everyone else their meals. When they finished enjoying their meal he shouted for another order. 'Give me a bottle of Kenya Cane and give everybody else a bottle of whiskey because when I drink I want everybody to drink!' Everyone was happy and singing Kamau praises saying Kamau is 'The man'. When Kamau finished his drink he shouted again. 'Give me my bill and give everyone else their own bill, because when I pay for my meal and drinks I want everyone to pay for theirs!'...... His funeral will be this Saturday. Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 7/11/2012 Posts: 5,222
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Impunity wrote:derick wrote:washiku wrote:radio wrote:Jump-steady wrote:McReggae wrote:A devout Arab Muslim got into a cab in London.
He curtly asked the 'cab driver' to turn off the
radio because his religious doctrine forbade him
listening to music. The Cab driver politely asked
why. His passenger replied that in the time of
the Holy Prophet there was no music, especially
Western music, which is the music of the
infidel. The cab driver politely switched off the
radio, stopped the cab and opened the door for
his passenger to disembark. The Arab Muslim
was surprised and asked him: "What are you
doing???" The Cab driver answered: "In the time
of the Holy Prophet, there were no taxis, no
bombs, no plane hijacks, no west invented loud
speakers in mosques that woke up newly born,
the elderly and the sick at unearthly hours, no
suicide attacks, no RDX, no AK 47; only 'PEACE'
everywhere. So shut up, get down and wait for a
camel." He he he Utakutilio PBUY PBU-YOU If it was a black Muslim, I'd have guessed whom it was
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Rank: User Joined: 8/15/2013 Posts: 13,237 Location: Vacuum
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 If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 11/12/2009 Posts: 925
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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A guy was in love with a girl but never had the guts to tell her. One night around at night, he gathered some courage & sent her a text with these honest words... "Doreen, I love you, I wonna date you. Plz reply & tell me how you feel." A few seconds later he received a message alert on his phone. He was so scared and too tensed to open it that night so he decided not to check the message until the next morning when he's less tense and in better senses. So he went to sleep. When he woke up the next day he prayed seriously about the message for good news, went about doing his morning chores, brushed his teeth, ate his breakfast, took a bath, dressed himself up then climbed into bed and picked his phone to read the message on his phone. This was the response he read: "Dear customer you have insufficient balance to send this message. Please recharge your account and try again".
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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IMAGINE MPESA MESSAGE IN SHENG' DM36YY596, hii risto imeconfirmiwa. Kuna boys anajiita Anto Yule mndialala amekurushia tembo mbao na soo basa saa jamo ngware leo. Juu haukuwa na any, balance yako saa hii ni Ksh. 20,700.00 Halafu ona, kuna hii risto ya kuwahi loan, mambo za sijui MSHWARI nini nini. Eh pamoja kizee. Baadaye! Oh, by the way, msee asikuvako akakubeba kaa fala, si wasee wa Saf huvutia wadhii na 0722000000 pekee yake!
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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washiku wrote:IMAGINE MPESA MESSAGE IN SHENG'
DM36YY596, hii risto imeconfirmiwa. Kuna boys anajiita Anto Yule mndialala amekurushia tembo mbao na soo basa saa jamo ngware leo. Juu haukuwa na any, balance yako saa hii ni Ksh. 20,700.00
Halafu ona, kuna hii risto ya kuwahi loan, mambo za sijui MSHWARI nini nini. Eh pamoja kizee.
Baadaye! Oh, by the way, msee asikuvako akakubeba kaa fala, si wasee wa Saf huvutia wadhii na 0722000000 pekee yake! Sounds pretty nice actually.  Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
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