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Rank: Member Joined: 1/10/2015 Posts: 411
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Djagame wrote:GENIUS KIKUYU SON!!!!
Mwangi lived alone upcountry in the village.
He wanted to dig his sweet potato garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard.
His only son Mwaura, who used to help him, was in Kamiti prison.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Dear Mwaura,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my ngwashe garden this year.
I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot.
If you were here, I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.
Love, Mwash
At 4 a.m. the next morning, agents from flying squad, kanga squad and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies.
They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the ngwashe now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love, Mwash He he he Your income is directly related to your philosophy, Not the economy.-Jim Rohn
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Okumu:Hey guys. Please nisaidieni. Lizard Inaitwa aje na Kiswahili? Me:Lizard kuja hapa!
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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washiku wrote:Okumu:Hey guys. Please nisaidieni. Lizard Inaitwa aje na Kiswahili?
Me:Lizard kuja hapa!  Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/25/2012 Posts: 4,105 Location: 08c
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Rank: Member Joined: 11/19/2009 Posts: 3,142
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/18/2011 Posts: 12,069 Location: Kianjokoma
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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ME: WHY DOES MURIEL'S " " ALWAYS APPEAR AS " Laugh Laugh Laugh" Kwani he "types" his laughter?
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Rank: Member Joined: 1/10/2015 Posts: 411
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Intelligentsia wrote:Patrick had a bad attendance record with the company he worked for, particularly being late for work in the morning.
He was called to a disciplinary hearing where he was given a chance to explain his reasons.
His argument: "I get up in de morning. I shower, I look in de mirror and try tuh straiten my hair. Den I sumtimes miss de texi and den I am late."
His boss has a bright idea. He gets one of Patrick's colleagues to sneak into Patrick's room and steal the mirror off the wall, without Patrick's knowledge. The following day Patrick does not turn up for work. The same happens the day after that. So Patrick gets summoned to another hearing to explain reasons for not attending work.
His argument: "I get up in de morning. I shower, I look in de mirror. I see no Patrick. I think Patrick already left for work"
Viva Patrick!!!!!
Lolest Your income is directly related to your philosophy, Not the economy.-Jim Rohn
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Rank: Member Joined: 1/10/2015 Posts: 411
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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derick wrote:Intelligentsia wrote:Patrick had a bad attendance record with the company he worked for, particularly being late for work in the morning.
He was called to a disciplinary hearing where he was given a chance to explain his reasons.
His argument: "I get up in de morning. I shower, I look in de mirror and try tuh straiten my hair. Den I sumtimes miss de texi and den I am late."
His boss has a bright idea. He gets one of Patrick's colleagues to sneak into Patrick's room and steal the mirror off the wall, without Patrick's knowledge. The following day Patrick does not turn up for work. The same happens the day after that. So Patrick gets summoned to another hearing to explain reasons for not attending work.
His argument: "I get up in de morning. I shower, I look in de mirror. I see no Patrick. I think Patrick already left for work"
Viva Patrick!!!!!
Lolest Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/18/2011 Posts: 12,069 Location: Kianjokoma
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Quote:A luhya guy lands in Mombasa and tries to trace a long lost friend called Abdul he meets a local guy and asks
'Unamchuako Aptul?'
The man responds 'Ndio namfahamu.'
Luhya guy asks, "Nitampatako???"
The man looking surprised tells him, "...ahh mwanangu hapo sijui kama utampa tako hayo ni mambo yenu wawili...."
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Rank: New-farer Joined: 8/11/2014 Posts: 72 Location: Nairobi
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Lolest! wrote:Quote:A luhya guy lands in Mombasa and tries to trace a long lost friend called Abdul he meets a local guy and asks
'Unamchuako Aptul?'
The man responds 'Ndio namfahamu.'
Luhya guy asks, "Nitampatako???"
The man looking surprised tells him, "...ahh mwanangu hapo sijui kama utampa tako hayo ni mambo yenu wawili...." haha Bulls make money,bears make money and pigs get slaughtered.
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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MAKOKHA: Ugali ni pesa ngapi? WAITER: Kubwa ni 20/= Ndogo ni 10/= ya jana ni 5/= MAKOKHA: Nifungie kubwa mbili ntachukua kesho
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Rank: Member Joined: 1/7/2015 Posts: 125
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C&P A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he andhis wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The dad said, "Well it's what Mommy calls me sometimes." The little girl screamed to her brother, "Don't eat. Its an asshole! FEAR GOD
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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KIKItheKING wrote:C&P
A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he andhis wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The dad said, "Well it's what Mommy calls me sometimes." The little girl screamed to her brother, "Don't eat. Its an asshole! Oops! Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/1/2009 Posts: 2,436
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KIKItheKING wrote:C&P
A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he andhis wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The dad said, "Well it's what Mommy calls me sometimes." The little girl screamed to her brother, "Don't eat. Its an asshole! ...reminds me of a story told of a dude given a lift by his Boss and shortly after the dude reached his home and disembarked from Boss's car, Boss suddenly remembered he forgot to tell the dude to come early next day coz the organizatn was to have a visitor. So Boss whipped out his phone and called the dude on his cell, but kumbe dude's phone had fallen on the passenger seat. Boss picks the ringing blinking phone and sees the caller...'SHETANI'. Neno litaendelea...
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 11/9/2009 Posts: 2,003
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/20/2012 Posts: 3,855 Location: Othumo
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