I am tempted to dismiss what you've posted here as pure fiction/imagination for reasons best known to you.First,you outline the 3 steps as they should be carried out.From the onset,let it be known to you then, not one step overlaps into the other and thus they are done on three or more occasions. Unfortunately, you go ahead to describe a process where what comes long after dowry negotiations, appears first. You go ahead and carry out procedures in step two at stage one amid so many other mistakes.

Let me give you benefit of doubt and assume that you actually went through what you have described.Two things happened, your lead negotiator is a total clueless idiot or two, which i think is a very likely scenario,some of the cash you gave out freely and willingly,is lying in you lead negotiator's Mpesa/Mshwari account.Always remember, a sucker is born every day and a fool is soon parted with his/her money

The essence of dowry was and should be, to build links between involved families ,cultivate mutual respect and also to know one another thus avoid cases of cross marriages in two families.

The first step would, and remains "kumenya mucii". I believe this cuts across many tribes and it's a two way process. In all cases, it would be the bridegroom entourage visiting the bride's home first. The hosts may offer food and the more elaborate the reception,the better.The hosts though,do not expect anything in return although the visitors will have carried presents.This presents are in ciondos and the ciondos are not likely to go back home empty....The presents take various forms and shapes.At no point are they a subject of any discussions or negotiations and therefore,they cannot be quantified.Here, the Agikuyus then have a saying on the same; "Ya kuheyo ndiroraguo magego".

To wind up,dowry is a matter of intense negotiations and since both families hold respect for each other,it's a give and take process.All needs be done is, once agreed, the same is put down and witnessed. There are no conditions as to how much should be given at what point or time. Dowry,therefore is pread over a lifetime.Here again, the Agikuyus have another saying,"Uthoni nduthiraga"....Hopefully,you get someone to interpret for you.

You must realize that women are not for sale and therefore,dowry is not a price.Let's say women have a zero cash value and this should remain so.When a family attaches some money price value to their daughter,take a walk but if they place a sentimental value onto the girl,you are onto something good....and always remember never to go with boys for dowry negotiations...i will tell you an interesting one some day.

...Not many think like you...Many are out to make a kill from their daughters ...just like that family I visited made a kill...