Wazua
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Are fathers trading their daughters?
Rank: Member Joined: 5/19/2012 Posts: 552
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sheri wrote:What I know for sure is that you were fleeced or you went there with an attitude of am rich. That mzee leading the negotiatons noted this ha! ha!.
Alternatively the father gave the clan to much leeway in this case he lost control . when this happens the father becomes a bystander.
Or your people had a very poor negotiator if he is told 40000/- he just rushes to his wallet and gives the money. I have seen people quoting outrageous amount but end up giving 1000/- for the gate.
@Atalaku tell your friend kwa dowry hakuna usonko and your negotiation skills are questionable
Atalaku, you guys were fleeced, and like Sheri says, the old man gave the clan too much control.This is a sad state of affairs. A beautiful traditional rite has now been turned into a money minting affair  Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.... Leo Buscaglia
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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/28/2008 Posts: 2,276 Location: Kibish
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Wamunyota wrote:kysse wrote:Rankaz13 wrote:This is partly the reason I believe this culture of dowry no longer makes much sense and should be done away with. weee,lipeni dowry,shortcuts will haunt your kids after you are long gone,sorry this is Africa where we are bound by traditions..nowhere to hide humu ndani. A sadist relative can emerge 100yrs later and cause hell for your greatgrand kids over a blind/ nyelees goat you presented to your wife's at sunset. Making it a business to generate money is evil.  Kysse unapenda sana Nyee By the way are you related to Wanyee?  Nadondosha meli kubwa seuze ngalawa!
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Rank: Member Joined: 12/7/2010 Posts: 520 Location: Epicentre - Ngamia 1
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@Atalaku, 35k to open the gate?  You guys are in deep trouble. Next time you go, main dowry will be circa 800k minimum. You showed them that you are loaded, you' ll be milked kabisa. For crying out loud,change your negotiator,heck even hire one. Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs - Farrah Gray.
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Rank: Member Joined: 1/21/2013 Posts: 427
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Rankaz13 wrote:This is partly the reason I believe this culture of dowry no longer makes much sense and should be done away with. To some extent I tend to agree with you. However instead of doing away with the practice/rite completely, what should be done away with are the commercial aspects. Visits between the families should be encouraged without any monetary expectations by either of the families. A token of appreciation during such visits would be a welcome gesture but this should be at the discretion of the visiting party.
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 6/23/2014 Posts: 1,652
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Forester wrote:@Atalaku, 35k to open the gate? You guys are in deep trouble. Next time you go, main dowry will be circa 800k minimum. You showed them that you are loaded, you' ll be milked kabisa. For crying out loud,change your negotiator,heck even hire one. Yenyewe hawa watu ilikuwa na pesa.Hio kufunguliwa gate haifikangi thao.You need small ma fifty notes na mia halafu upee hao wamama ili wafungue.Huo negotiator ni malenge sana.Kama walienda na ma BMW,Benze,Audi na gari zingine za nguvu,hawa wazee waliona iko pesa so bei ikapanda. Hutia Mundu!!
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/2/2009 Posts: 26,331 Location: Masada
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Wamunyota wrote:Forester wrote:@Atalaku, 35k to open the gate? You guys are in deep trouble. Next time you go, main dowry will be circa 800k minimum. You showed them that you are loaded, you' ll be milked kabisa. For crying out loud,change your negotiator,heck even hire one. Yenyewe hawa watu ilikuwa na pesa.Hio kufunguliwa gate haifikangi thao.You need small ma fifty notes na mia halafu upee hao wamama ili wafungue.Huo negotiator ni malenge sana.Kama walienda na ma BMW,Benze,Audi na gari zingine za nguvu,hawa wazee waliona iko pesa so bei ikapanda. Kama msichana ni "malaika" then that amount ya kufungua gate is saa. Lakini akishafunguliwa mbeleni uko then hiyo ni corruption! Portfolio: Sold
You know you've made it when you get a parking space for your yatcht.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 4/22/2010 Posts: 11,522 Location: Nairobi
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Wouldn't pay anything of the such.... possunt quia posse videntur
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 9/7/2010 Posts: 1,063 Location: Kenya
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sheri wrote:What I know for sure is that you were fleeced or you went there with an attitude of am rich. That mzee leading the negotiatons noted this ha! ha!.
Alternatively the father gave the clan to much leeway in this case he lost control . when this happens the father becomes a bystander.
Or your people had a very poor negotiator if he is told 40000/- he just rushes to his wallet and gives the money. I have seen people quoting outrageous amount but end up giving 1000/- for the gate.
@Atalaku tell your friend kwa dowry hakuna usonko and your negotiation skills are questionable
Well...I was not the family spokesman. Mine was logistics...to get people to nakuru and I did. The only mistake I did was to arrive there in style! You know wakamba na wajaluo ni kama sawa when it comes to show off!!! Bit now we are wiser...We are having a review meeting over the weekend and I can tell you things will be different the next visit. @sheri...the breakdown we were given was based on the elder sister who wsd married last year. The family spokesman looked like that is his full time job....He did not even want any bargaining. ..he would consult once in while with the father and any time that happened our request would be turned down.
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Rank: User Joined: 1/20/2014 Posts: 3,528
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Atalaku wrote:sheri wrote:What I know for sure is that you were fleeced or you went there with an attitude of am rich. That mzee leading the negotiatons noted this ha! ha!.
Alternatively the father gave the clan to much leeway in this case he lost control . when this happens the father becomes a bystander.
Or your people had a very poor negotiator if he is told 40000/- he just rushes to his wallet and gives the money. I have seen people quoting outrageous amount but end up giving 1000/- for the gate.
@Atalaku tell your friend kwa dowry hakuna usonko and your negotiation skills are questionable
Well...I was not the family spokesman. Mine was logistics...to get people to nakuru and I did. The only mistake I did was to arrive there in style! You know wakamba na wajaluo ni kama sawa when it comes to show off!!! Bit now we are wiser...We are having a review meeting over the weekend and I can tell you things will be different the next visit. @sheri...the breakdown we were given was based on the elder sister who wsd married last year. The family spokesman looked like that is his full time job....He did not even want any bargaining. ..he would consult once in while with the father and any time that happened our request would be turned down. Boss dowry payment process is negotiation. We once went to Muranga' Kaharati to be exact and they brought the opus ya opening gate, shukas for mathes, tank for mama etc before negotiations. We told them politely that we need to be welcome before we start talking. Push came to shove and from a demand of 75k, the gate was opened with 2k and shopping. Then they toned down and started talking. And all this and the couple had lived for 7 years and had a son, bure kabisa. Huko kwetu hiyo umetolea watu mzigo kubwa kwa boma!!!!! @magigi you guys were played. Never ever try to show that you have money ati mpaka muko na deni ya 65k, poleni Formal education will make you a living. Self-education will make you a fortune - Jim Rohn.
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 9/7/2010 Posts: 1,063 Location: Kenya
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nakujua wrote:Shida ni people are willing to pay such amounts, and the fact that you paid the cash means that you were prepared for it, they know it's cash from the family and friends, not from the young man. People are not willing but are coerced. ..You dont want to look funny bargaining for a price as if the girl is a commodity on sale in an open market where the highest bidder takes it. We wanted to take that route but held ourselves back just to study the situation. ...WHAT WOULD BE THE IDEAL 'TOKEN' FOR for each category?
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Are fathers trading their daughters?
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