Are Kikuyu fathers trading their daughters?
I have just read this http://www.wazua.co.ke/f...spx?g=posts&t=31658 and remembered of the incident below. Of course I don’t support the sentiments expressed in that thread.
On Thursday I led a delegation of fellow Kambas all the way to Nakuru to seek a hand in marriage for my nephew. What I witnessed is beyond belief. I am not here to disparage or condemn people’s age-old cultural practises, which I always support and which I think have held communities together. Don’t even tell me to stick to my Kamba women. I have heard that before. Love transcends all barriers. When Romeo (a Montague) decided to go for Juliet (a Capulet )1, nothing could stop him. Let me jog your memory. I guess you have all interacted or had some form of intercourse with this play. The Montagues and The Capulets were sworn enemies and their old age feud had spanned for many years. Romeo fell in love with Juliet and there was nothing that could stop him from getting his woman and of course this led a tragic end of the two lovers. Enough of that.

What I am not comfortable with are some Kikuyu merchants who have made marriage negotiations a business. When we arrived at the gate, in a convoy of four cars, we were not let in until we had paid ksh 35,000…pesa ya kufunguliwa gate. Some very good lunch was offered. Little did we know that we were going to pay for it! After being fed we were told to go home unless we had any other business. I love comedy when it comes my way!!! Now the fellow who was telling us all this, the family spokesman looked like he had been hired to raid our pockets.

From the research I had done I knew Kikuyu marriage customs are done in 3 phases
1. Kumenya mucii - getting to know the brides home.
2. Kuhanda ithigi - Literally means planting a branch of a tree, planting a beacon (why liken a girl with kaproti!).
3. Kuracia - Actual dowry payment.
These are the same phases that Kambas follow. What I did not know are those other things that had been added. When you go kumenya mucii, of course you carry something for the family…(nthungi –kiondo for women and some money to ‘start friendship’ (kutuma nduu).

This is what we were slapped with…And not even given time to go and organize ourselves because we were not expecting that. My little research http://www.elimuasilia.o...-marriage-ceremony.html did not say we were to pay entrance fee and such other demands.
a. Kufungua gate ks - 35,000
b. kuhanda ithigi - planting a beacon” Ksh 40,000
c. mwati na harika (or something like that ...not sure what it was, i lost interest)ksh 60,000
d. Kukalisha wamama chini - Ksh 10,000
e. Kuahura ksh 5,000
f. Wanaume –kuinua wanaume na kurudishana mkono - ksh 15,000
So we were given a bill of ksh 165,000, which we paid 100k to be followed by 65k the following day through mpesa.
After doing all this were now allowed to start the dowry negotiations. The dowry could be anything from ksh 500,000.

I am not saying marriage traditions are bad because I have gone through the phases and still paying dowry. What troubles me is a father putting her daughter in the market and bargaining the way you would when buying a cow or a piece of land. I know this is not how marriage customs among the Kikuyu used to be. Most of the fathers releasing their girls nowadays have commercialized this noble traditional practice. This is to the detriment of the couple and has far reaching ramifications on their future
1. Will the husband keep on reminding the girl that she was bought and therefore have no say in family matters?
2. Kikuyu women…were you supportive of these money making ventures when you were being betrothed, telling your parents that that they should extract as much as they could from your would be husband?
3. Research shows that there is a lot of family violence in Central Kenya? Could this be a contributing factor? I don’t know!
4. When parents of the girls are sick or have something that requires money, does the husband hurry up to participate (I wouldn’t!!!)
5. Are these the acceptable marriage procedures and payments nowadays?
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1 Shakespeare, William, and Jill L. Levenson. Romeo and Juliet. Oxford: Oxford UP, 2000.

sad state

What I know for sure is that you were fleeced or you went there with an attitude of am rich. That mzee leading the negotiatons noted this ha! ha!.
Alternatively the father gave the clan to much leeway in this case he lost control . when this happens the father becomes a bystander.

Or your people had a very poor negotiator if he is told 40000/- he just rushes to his wallet and gives the money. I have seen people quoting outrageous amount but end up giving 1000/- for the gate.
@Atalaku tell your friend kwa dowry hakuna usonko and your negotiation skills are questionable

weee,lipeni dowry,shortcuts will haunt your kids after you are long gone,sorry this is Africa where we are bound by traditions..nowhere to hide humu ndani.
A sadist relative can emerge 100yrs later and cause hell for your greatgrand kids over a blind/nyelees goat you presented to your wife's at sunset.


Making it a business to generate money is evil.

Commercializing has made it an obstacle to marriage. No wonder many young men shun marriage

Atalaku, you guys were fleeced, and like Sheri says, the old man gave the clan too much control.This is a sad state of affairs. A beautiful traditional rite has now been turned into a money minting affair

@Atalaku, 35k to open the gate? You guys are in deep trouble. Next time you go, main dowry will be circa 800k minimum. You showed them that you are loaded, you' ll be milked kabisa. For crying out loud,change your negotiator,heck even hire one.

Yenyewe hawa watu ilikuwa na pesa.Hio kufunguliwa gate haifikangi thao.You need small ma fifty notes na mia halafu upee hao wamama ili wafungue.Huo negotiator ni malenge sana.Kama walienda na ma BMW,Benze,Audi na gari zingine za nguvu,hawa wazee waliona iko pesa so bei ikapanda.

Wouldn't pay anything of the such....

Boss dowry payment process is negotiation. We once went to Muranga' Kaharati to be exact and they brought the opus ya opening gate, shukas for mathes, tank for mama etc before negotiations. We told them politely that we need to be welcome before we start talking. Push came to shove and from a demand of 75k, the gate was opened with 2k and shopping. Then they toned down and started talking. And all this and the couple had lived for 7 years and had a son, bure kabisa. Huko kwetu hiyo umetolea watu mzigo kubwa kwa boma!!!!!

@magigi you guys were played. Never ever try to show that you have money ati mpaka muko na deni ya 65k, poleni