Male Bashing
Q. What did God say after creating Adam
A. I must be able to do better than that.

Q. How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
A. Put the remote control between his toes.

Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.

Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm cells to fertilize one egg?
A. They won't stop to ask for directions.

Q. Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A. So men can be open minded.

Q. How are men and parking spots alike?
A. Good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.

Q. What is the one thing that all men at single bars have in common?
A. They are all married.

The Perfect Story
There was a perfect man who met a perfect woman. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.

One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve this perfect couple was driving along a winding road when they noticed someone at the roadside in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.

There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle.

Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident.

Only one of them survived the accident. Who was the survivor?

The perfect woman.

She's the only one that really existed in the first place.

Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.

* A Male's Response *

So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.

LOL. Keep them rolling in. We need some Furahiday literature

The Cowboy Boots

The Cowboy Boots (Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this one!)

Did you hear about the Texas teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots?

He asked for help and she could see why..

Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said, 'Teacher, they're on the wrong feet.' She looked, and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet...

He then announced, 'These aren't my boots.'

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, 'Why didn't you say so?' like she wanted to. Once again, she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner had they gotten the boots off when he said, 'They're my brother's boots. My mom made me wear 'em.'

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But, she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked, 'Now, where are your mittens?'

He said, 'I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots.'

She will be eligible for parole in three years!

WHY ITS GOOD TO BE A MAN

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.

You don't have to shave below your neck.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

You don't care if someone notices your new haircut.

You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too "icky".

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"

One mood, ALL the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You can kill your own food.

You can leave the motel bed unmade.

Dry cleaners and hair stylists don't rob you blind.

If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.

You can quietly watch a game with a buddy for hours without thinking: "He must be mad at me."

You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.

You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.