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i need urgent help
Rank: Member Joined: 5/3/2014 Posts: 133 Location: nairobi
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after working hand in Nairobi and making a good family and business all together with my spouse ,property ,assets,accounts,children education, relatives and everyone else who we have interacted with ,things are in a tight wire.
today's life is full of deceptive and after reading news on papers and online ,i decided to test the waters and i was very successful. i did an error of checking the other side of life of my spouses and to my shock i got everything that i have never thought can happen in my life or in our relationship. love messages, mpesa transactions,nude photos of my spouse and the other person whom i know in person and a close friend, my BP went up by 30 percent . it has taken two weeks thinking of what to do and i decided to face my spouse head on . to my surprise he accepted everything ,but questioned my honesty in betraying her private life. i have now realized i was wrong to do this but all the same i have uncovered a million issues going behind my back. i need your advice ,does this warrant a divorce? i have evidence on hard copies , do we have any chance of reconciliation,and how are we going to do it. should we involve other parties like relatives,church pastor or marriage councilor though its difficult since my spouse is not willing to discuss anything since it will be difficult to trust me ever again. the fact that this has gotten me by surprise ,how are we going to operate business ,accounts and the like since we are needed both of in any case as we are jointly in everything.
whats are the consequences in this matter. after a very long struggle working hard day and night to make ends meet ,i fear for the worst of braking to pieces, though i believe in God i kindly need your help very urgently since i do not know what to do from this point. thanks
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/1/2010 Posts: 3,024 Location: Hapa
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Pole...just a point of clarification: is the spouse the wife or husband? It's not clear... Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. - Muhammad Ali🐝
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/2/2011 Posts: 4,818 Location: -1.2107, 36.8831
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WHAT!!!! RUN, RUN, RUN..........and NEVER LOOK BACK AGAIN. Receive with simplicity everything that happens to you.” ― Rashi
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 11/9/2009 Posts: 2,003
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Did you ever manage to save whatsapp message/photos?
Lakini pole sana.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/25/2012 Posts: 4,105 Location: 08c
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  Pesa Nane plans to be shilingi when he grows up.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/23/2008 Posts: 3,966
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@westkate, disclaimer. I'm not married, so I may not understand choices have consequences. Here's my take; forgive the guy. I believe it's hard, personally I'm surrounded by married people, but take divorce as a last resort. From what you bring out, you would want to do something, anything, to make your marriage work. Please do that. You just never know. Don't be quick to divorce. I know I may not make sense having not been there, but having a pal who's going through divorce, do it when there's a point of no return. But, since you believe in God, be careful before you choose the divorce part. You'll get all sorts of advice here, but it will be your life. Don't divorce unless it's the last bit you need to do. Luck is when Preparation meets Opportunity. ~ Lucius Annaeus Seneca
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Rank: Elder Joined: 9/23/2009 Posts: 8,083 Location: Enk are Nyirobi
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Divorce just like marriage is a very personal issue. You have to think long and hard whether you want to fight for what you have achieved so far or whether it is not worth fighting for and walk. Life is short. Live passionately.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/4/2006 Posts: 13,822 Location: Nairobi
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something that struck me was the use of the word "evidence". this is my take in life - you are married out of choice. you choose to get married and when it comes to divorce it's the same. However the fact that you are facing the valley of decision shows that it's not dead - and you want to salvage your marriage. what needs to happen is that you and your spouse need to decide WHAT NEXT! but you need to communicate to him/her you need to decide the next step. is it relatives?(personally i wouldn't go there), is a pastor(second last resort) or is it a neutral marriage counsellor (my recommendation). BUT YOU NEED TO COMMUNICATE IT'S NOT BUSINESS AS USUAL AND LIFE WILL NOT CONTINUE AS-IS? things have changed and have changed for good! then you can work from there. sawa? All Mushrooms are edible! Some Mushroom are only edible ONCE!
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/1/2010 Posts: 3,024 Location: Hapa
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@westkate, how are you fairing? Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. - Muhammad Ali🐝
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 2/21/2012 Posts: 1,739
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butterflyke wrote:Pole...just a point of clarification: is the spouse the wife or husband? It's not clear... She Says, HE accepted everything.... Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God..
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Rank: Member Joined: 6/18/2012 Posts: 235
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Jus Blazin wrote:@westkate, disclaimer. I'm not married, so I may not understand choices have consequences. Here's my take; forgive the guy. I believe it's hard, personally I'm surrounded by married people, but take divorce as a last resort. From what you bring out, you would want to do something, anything, to make your marriage work. Please do that. You just never know. Don't be quick to divorce. I know I may not make sense having not been there, but having a pal who's going through divorce, do it when there's a point of no return. But, since you believe in God, be careful before you choose the divorce part. You'll get all sorts of advice here, but it will be your life. Don't divorce unless it's the last bit you need to do. A good advise right there
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Rank: User Joined: 1/20/2014 Posts: 3,528
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Take some faxe gal to relax the mind, listen to some jah' music and all will be well. If push comes to shove ...... makueni the bugger! Formal education will make you a living. Self-education will make you a fortune - Jim Rohn.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/25/2012 Posts: 4,105 Location: 08c
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Am wrote:butterflyke wrote:Pole...just a point of clarification: is the spouse the wife or husband? It's not clear... She Says, HE accepted everything.... .... to my surprise he accepted everything ,but questioned my honesty in betraying her private life. Pesa Nane plans to be shilingi when he grows up.
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 2/21/2012 Posts: 1,739
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Pesa Nane wrote:Am wrote:butterflyke wrote:Pole...just a point of clarification: is the spouse the wife or husband? It's not clear... She Says, HE accepted everything.... .... to my surprise he accepted everything ,but questioned my honesty in betraying her private life. Mama alijichanganya hapo. But Surely @westkate is a Socket!! Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God..
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Rank: Member Joined: 3/17/2009 Posts: 201
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Forgiving will only work when she admits her mistakes.the other party should also seek forgiveness.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/1/2010 Posts: 3,024 Location: Hapa
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Pesa Nane wrote:Am wrote:butterflyke wrote:Pole...just a point of clarification: is the spouse the wife or husband? It's not clear... She Says, HE accepted everything.... .... to my surprise he accepted everything ,but questioned my honesty in betraying her private life. That is what got me confused... Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. - Muhammad Ali🐝
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Rank: User Joined: 1/20/2014 Posts: 3,528
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Westkate is a socket from her many posts in wazua. She was dedicated in supporting the family lakini as usaul men wacha tu!!!!!! Formal education will make you a living. Self-education will make you a fortune - Jim Rohn.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 2/16/2007 Posts: 2,114
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To be granted a divorce in this country is not that easy.Grounds for divorce as I know them are:
i)Continuous desertion of two years
ii)Domestic violence i,e the spouse beating/battering the other..
iii)Denial Of Conjugal rights
iv)Adultery
v)Insanity
The problem is that the ground has to be proved so in this case adequate proof of the adultery has to be provided..
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Rank: Elder Joined: 9/15/2006 Posts: 3,906
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How to know if you’re ready to tie the knot ...or keep the knot tied in this case http://www.nation.co.ke/lifesty...36/-/yksxyd/-/index.htmlReally empathise @westkate, but everything that happens in your life is not a surprise, just part of your greater plan. Sometimes the best way to tell the whether to go on, is by finding out if you would begin the journey again, AFRESH.
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 2/3/2010 Posts: 1,797 Location: Kenya
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Men are dogs..accept and move on.. btw he doesnt love you anyless I may be wrong..but then I could be right
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