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Rank: Member Joined: 10/24/2013 Posts: 455 Location: Nairobi
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Borrowed
...Naitwa Patrick, juzi nilikuwa na ugali na sikuwa na pesa ya mboga....nikadownload App ya OLX. Nikapiga picha na nikaupload. Baada ya siku mbili, mluhya mmoja akanipigia simu, akakuja kwangu, akaona ugali, akapenda na akanunua..niko na pesa ya mboga!!! Asante kwa OLX...
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 9/7/2010 Posts: 1,063 Location: Kenya
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Stolen...
My neighbor has just left town for a few days. Though he did not hand over officially i will be the 'acting husband' just to ensure that there is no vacuum in the house.
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Whatsapp Friends, earlier this afternoon, to protect the sovereignty of both the large and small intestines, i have taken the bold, unprecedented step to relinquish my seat in the office and go for lunch. Let it not be said that i went for lunch as an employee; i went there in my individual capacity as a hungry man. Fellow Kenyans, this is not a time for anxiety. It is a time to reflect on your own hunger. My accusers, both here and on twitter, have painted a nefarious image of most lunch goers as embodiments of gluttony and food hogs. Finally, I urge my fellow employees to accept and understand my decision. I also urge all of you to stand with me, and all people of good will, to stand with me in this difficult time. Please proceed with the M-Pesa transfer
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/29/2011 Posts: 2,242
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East Africa Television (EATV) April 18 · ANAOMBA USHAURI USHARI WAKO: Mimi ninaitwa Aisha, nina miaka 27. Nina mchumba wangu ambaye ni fundi gereji na anaishi maeneo ya Manzese, mi nakaa Tandale. Tumedumu miaka miwili na kusema kweli tulikuwa tunapendana maana hadi kanisomesha kozi ya computer kwa mwaka mmoja sasa nina kazi yangu. Ila nimepata bahati ya mtende maana huyu bosi wangu ninayefanya kazi kwake, ametokea kunipenda sana na amesema nikimkubali, atafanya maisha yangu yawe kama ya malkia. Ahadi za huyu bosi zimefanya nianze kumpenda ghafla maana anatembelea RANGE ROVER kali kama ile ya Lady jay dee, yaani nahisi kuchanganyikiwa sijui nifanye nini? Hapa nilikuwa natafuta sababu ndogo ili nimbwagwe huyu mchumba wangu fundi gereji ila sijapata sababu. Naombeni ushauri wenu kwenye hili "Things that matter most must never be at the mercy of things that matter least." Goethe
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Rank: User Joined: 8/15/2013 Posts: 13,237 Location: Vacuum
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Gathige wrote:East Africa Television (EATV)
April 18 ·
ANAOMBA USHAURI USHARI WAKO:
Mimi ninaitwa Aisha, nina miaka 27. Nina mchumba wangu ambaye ni fundi gereji na anaishi maeneo ya Manzese, mi nakaa Tandale. Tumedumu miaka miwili na kusema kweli tulikuwa tunapendana maana hadi kanisomesha kozi ya computer kwa mwaka mmoja sasa nina kazi yangu. Ila nimepata bahati ya mtende maana huyu bosi wangu ninayefanya kazi kwake, ametokea kunipenda sana na amesema nikimkubali, atafanya maisha yangu yawe kama ya malkia. Ahadi za huyu bosi zimefanya nianze kumpenda ghafla maana anatembelea RANGE ROVER kali kama ile ya Lady jay dee, yaani nahisi kuchanganyikiwa sijui nifanye nini? Hapa nilikuwa natafuta sababu ndogo ili nimbwagwe huyu mchumba wangu fundi gereji ila sijapata sababu. Naombeni ushauri wenu kwenye hili @Bigchick is this you? If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
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Rank: User Joined: 9/6/2013 Posts: 1,446 Location: In a house
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A single mosquito can give birth to thousands of mosquitoes.....imagine what a married one can do.
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers,he dialed the employee’s cell phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper. “Hello.” “Is your daddy home?” he asked. “Yes,” whispered the small voice. “May I talk with him?” The child whispered, “No.” Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your Mommy there?” “Yes,” whispered the small voice. “May I talk with her?” Again the small voice whispered, “No.” Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, “Is anybody else there?” “Yes,” whispered the child, “a policeman” Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, “May I speak with the policeman?” “No, he’s busy”, whispered the child. “Busy doing what?” “Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman,” the whisper answered. Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, “What is that noise?” “A helicopter.” answered the whispering voice. “What is going on there?” demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive. Again, whispering, the child answered, “The search team just landed the helicopter.” Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, “What are they searching for?” Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle. “Me.”
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Rank: User Joined: 8/15/2013 Posts: 13,237 Location: Vacuum
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washiku wrote:A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day.
Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers,he dialed the employee’s cell phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper.
“Hello.”
“Is your daddy home?” he asked.
“Yes,” whispered the small voice.
“May I talk with him?”
The child whispered, “No.”
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your Mommy there?”
“Yes,” whispered the small voice.
“May I talk with her?”
Again the small voice whispered, “No.”
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, “Is anybody else there?”
“Yes,” whispered the child, “a policeman”
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, “May I speak with the policeman?”
“No, he’s busy”, whispered the child.
“Busy doing what?”
“Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman,” the whisper answered.
Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, “What is that noise?”
“A helicopter.” answered the whispering voice.
“What is going on there?” demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, “The search team just landed the helicopter.”
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, “What are they searching for?”
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle. “Me.”  If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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Swenani wrote:washiku wrote:A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day.
Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers,he dialed the employee’s cell phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper.
“Hello.”
“Is your daddy home?” he asked.
“Yes,” whispered the small voice.
“May I talk with him?”
The child whispered, “No.”
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your Mommy there?”
“Yes,” whispered the small voice.
“May I talk with her?”
Again the small voice whispered, “No.”
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, “Is anybody else there?”
“Yes,” whispered the child, “a policeman”
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, “May I speak with the policeman?”
“No, he’s busy”, whispered the child.
“Busy doing what?”
“Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman,” the whisper answered.
Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, “What is that noise?”
“A helicopter.” answered the whispering voice.
“What is going on there?” demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, “The search team just landed the helicopter.”
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, “What are they searching for?”
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle. “Me.” Cheeky kid... Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
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Rank: Member Joined: 2/27/2014 Posts: 454 Location: Republic of Enchantment.
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Rankaz13 wrote:Swenani wrote:washiku wrote:A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day.
Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers,he dialed the employee’s cell phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper.
“Hello.”
“Is your daddy home?” he asked.
“Yes,” whispered the small voice.
“May I talk with him?”
The child whispered, “No.”
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your Mommy there?”
“Yes,” whispered the small voice.
“May I talk with her?”
Again the small voice whispered, “No.”
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, “Is anybody else there?”
“Yes,” whispered the child, “a policeman”
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, “May I speak with the policeman?”
“No, he’s busy”, whispered the child.
“Busy doing what?”
“Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman,” the whisper answered.
Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, “What is that noise?”
“A helicopter.” answered the whispering voice.
“What is going on there?” demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, “The search team just landed the helicopter.”
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, “What are they searching for?”
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle. “Me.” Cheeky kid...  Divers - can you laugh in scuba gear, or will you drown? I was wondering. - James May.
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Lol: Quote:I was chatting with a girl on Facebook. This girl is damn beautiful,if you see her pics, she is hotter and sexier than Grace Msalame of Kiss Tv.
She told me her parents are very rich and wealthy.For the Sake of sayin... I didn't want her to slip off my hands bcoz i am always a sharp guy, I told her
my parents are rich too.She asked me to snap a picture of our house and
share it to her. I was on the road then, and thank God I was walking down a lane in Karen close to a beautiful mansion, so I snapped the house and shared it to her.She asked me if I was in front of the house, I said yes! Loh and behold, the gate opened and she came out. It was their house! I didn't know how i ran leaving my akala sandals behind and boarded a matatu.. Unfortunately i didn't have a single cent on my Safaricom wallet. I tried to convince the conductor but he couldn't listen to me.So I was forced to clean the matatu.But my pair of akala sandals are still out of the girl's house! I've just finished cleaning the matatu and now im trekking on my way back home on foot.. Bare foot for that matter. If you spot someone walking along Karen to Dagoretti road and Thogoto to Kikuyu bare footed,Just know its me and offer me some help.
________________________
And for the girls part... What will i tell her when i log in to Facebook?Should i go back for my sandals?
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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/28/2008 Posts: 2,276 Location: Kibish
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Who watching tujuane on Ntv? Nadondosha meli kubwa seuze ngalawa!
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Rank: Elder Joined: 1/17/2013 Posts: 4,693 Location: Earth
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Coolio wrote:Who watching tujuane on Ntv? US chick vs chali was mtaa. I have never understood what the show is all about or the conclusion, Let me switch channels.
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Rank: User Joined: 8/15/2013 Posts: 13,237 Location: Vacuum
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washiku wrote:Lol: Quote:I was chatting with a girl on Facebook. This girl is damn beautiful,if you see her pics, she is hotter and sexier than Grace Msalame of Kiss Tv.
She told me her parents are very rich and wealthy.For the Sake of sayin... I didn't want her to slip off my hands bcoz i am always a sharp guy, I told her
my parents are rich too.She asked me to snap a picture of our house and
share it to her. I was on the road then, and thank God I was walking down a lane in Karen close to a beautiful mansion, so I snapped the house and shared it to her.She asked me if I was in front of the house, I said yes! Loh and behold, the gate opened and she came out. It was their house! I didn't know how i ran leaving my akala sandals behind and boarded a matatu.. Unfortunately i didn't have a single cent on my Safaricom wallet. I tried to convince the conductor but he couldn't listen to me.So I was forced to clean the matatu.But my pair of akala sandals are still out of the girl's house! I've just finished cleaning the matatu and now im trekking on my way back home on foot.. Bare foot for that matter. If you spot someone walking along Karen to Dagoretti road and Thogoto to Kikuyu bare footed,Just know its me and offer me some help.
________________________
And for the girls part... What will i tell her when i log in to Facebook?Should i go back for my sandals? This must be magigi If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Swenani wrote:washiku wrote:Lol: Quote:I was chatting with a girl on Facebook. This girl is damn beautiful,if you see her pics, she is hotter and sexier than Grace Msalame of Kiss Tv.
She told me her parents are very rich and wealthy.For the Sake of sayin... I didn't want her to slip off my hands bcoz i am always a sharp guy, I told her
my parents are rich too.She asked me to snap a picture of our house and
share it to her. I was on the road then, and thank God I was walking down a lane in Karen close to a beautiful mansion, so I snapped the house and shared it to her.She asked me if I was in front of the house, I said yes! Loh and behold, the gate opened and she came out. It was their house! I didn't know how i ran leaving my akala sandals behind and boarded a matatu.. Unfortunately i didn't have a single cent on my Safaricom wallet. I tried to convince the conductor but he couldn't listen to me.So I was forced to clean the matatu.But my pair of akala sandals are still out of the girl's house! I've just finished cleaning the matatu and now im trekking on my way back home on foot.. Bare foot for that matter. If you spot someone walking along Karen to Dagoretti road and Thogoto to Kikuyu bare footed,Just know its me and offer me some help.
________________________
And for the girls part... What will i tell her when i log in to Facebook?Should i go back for my sandals? This must be magigi Na huyu je? 
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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washiku wrote:Swenani wrote:washiku wrote:Lol: Quote:I was chatting with a girl on Facebook. This girl is damn beautiful,if you see her pics, she is hotter and sexier than Grace Msalame of Kiss Tv.
She told me her parents are very rich and wealthy.For the Sake of sayin... I didn't want her to slip off my hands bcoz i am always a sharp guy, I told her
my parents are rich too.She asked me to snap a picture of our house and
share it to her. I was on the road then, and thank God I was walking down a lane in Karen close to a beautiful mansion, so I snapped the house and shared it to her.She asked me if I was in front of the house, I said yes! Loh and behold, the gate opened and she came out. It was their house! I didn't know how i ran leaving my akala sandals behind and boarded a matatu.. Unfortunately i didn't have a single cent on my Safaricom wallet. I tried to convince the conductor but he couldn't listen to me.So I was forced to clean the matatu.But my pair of akala sandals are still out of the girl's house! I've just finished cleaning the matatu and now im trekking on my way back home on foot.. Bare foot for that matter. If you spot someone walking along Karen to Dagoretti road and Thogoto to Kikuyu bare footed,Just know its me and offer me some help.
________________________
And for the girls part... What will i tell her when i log in to Facebook?Should i go back for my sandals? This must be magigi Na huyu je? Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 4/22/2010 Posts: 11,522 Location: Nairobi
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Don't know if this was posted here... ONE DAY, Field Marshal Idi Amin (RIP) went for a drink with his ministers at Club Obligato… After a few hours of drinking Amin calls the waiteress to bring the bill… AMIN 500,000 MUSOKE 150,000 OBOTE 100,000 ISIKO 160,000 ISAAC 135,000 TOTAL 1,045,000 Amin shouted, Hai man, I will pay for everyone else but TOTAL must pay for himself. I didn’t invite him, plus he owns a lot of fuel stations and garages around the country. possunt quia posse videntur
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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maka wrote:Don't know if this was posted here...
ONE DAY, Field Marshal Idi Amin (RIP) went for a drink with his ministers at Club Obligato… After a few hours of drinking Amin calls the waiteress to bring the bill…
AMIN 500,000
MUSOKE 150,000
OBOTE 100,000
ISIKO 160,000
ISAAC 135,000
TOTAL 1,045,000
Amin shouted, Hai man, I will pay for everyone else but TOTAL must pay for himself. I didn’t invite him, plus he owns a lot of fuel stations and garages around the country.
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