Borrowed

...Naitwa Patrick, juzi nilikuwa na ugali na sikuwa na pesa ya mboga....nikadownload App ya OLX. Nikapiga picha na nikaupload. Baada ya siku mbili, mluhya mmoja akanipigia simu, akakuja kwangu, akaona ugali, akapenda na akanunua..niko na pesa ya mboga!!! Asante kwa OLX...

Whatsapp Friends, earlier this afternoon, to protect the sovereignty of both the large and small intestines, i have taken the bold, unprecedented step to relinquish my seat in the office and go for lunch. Let it not be said that i went for lunch as an employee; i went there in my individual capacity as a hungry man. Fellow Kenyans, this is not a time for anxiety. It is a time to reflect on your own hunger. My accusers, both here and on twitter, have painted a nefarious image of most lunch goers as embodiments of gluttony and food hogs. Finally, I urge my fellow employees to accept and understand my decision. I also urge all of you to stand with me, and all people of good will, to stand with me in this difficult time. Please proceed with the M-Pesa transfer

@Bigchick is this you?

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day.
Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers,he dialed the employee’s cell phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper.
“Hello.”
“Is your daddy home?” he asked.
“Yes,” whispered the small voice.
“May I talk with him?”
The child whispered, “No.”
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your Mommy there?”
“Yes,” whispered the small voice.
“May I talk with her?”
Again the small voice whispered, “No.”
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, “Is anybody else there?”
“Yes,” whispered the child, “a policeman”
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, “May I speak with the policeman?”
“No, he’s busy”, whispered the child.
“Busy doing what?”
“Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman,” the whisper answered.
Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, “What is that noise?”
“A helicopter.” answered the whispering voice.
“What is going on there?” demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, “The search team just landed the helicopter.”
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, “What are they searching for?”
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle. “Me.”

Cheeky kid...