I Saw this one on Twirra

Ati shy people tend to eat a lot....The haya you are the kula you become.

How to deal with the deadbeat issue:



AGREEMENT BEFORE PARTICIPATION:

I, __________________________, the undersigned female partner, being an adult of sound mind about to enjoy an intimate relationship with ______________, certify as follows :

1. THAT I am above the lawful age of consent.
2. THAT I am not under the influence of any narcotic(s).
3. THAT the aforementioned partner did not use any force, threats, coercion or promises to influence me.
4. THAT I am in no fear of him whatsoever.
5. THAT I do not expect or wish to marry him.
6. THAT I do not know if he is married or not and I do not care.
7. THAT I am neither asleep nor drunk.
8. THAT I am entering this relationship with him; because I love it and want it as much as he does.
9. THAT in the event that I receive my share, which I expect, declare in advance, the capacity and willingness for further participation as soon as time permits.
10. THAT I will not act as a witness against him nor will I file charges against him in the event that :

a) I contract a sexual disease,
B) I become pregnant,
c) I feel that he is violating any legislation - moral, legal or
otherwise.

11. THAT arbitration will not be held in the social media courts.

SIGNED BEFORE PARTICIPATING ON THIS
__________ DAY OF (MONTH) ___________________ (YEAR)___________ AT_________________ (TIME).

Signature :

One morning at a doctor's clinic, a patient
arrives complaining of serious back pain. The
doctor examines him and asks, "Tell me, what
happened to your back?" The patient replies,
"Sir, I work for a local night club. This morning,
I went to my apartment early and
heard some noise in my bed room. On entering I
knew someone had been with my wife and the
balcony door was opened. I rushed out of the
balcony door and did not find anyone. As I
looked down from the balcony, I saw a man
running out and he was dressing himself. I was
very angry. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at
him. It was very heavy. That was how I strained
my back."
Later that day, a second patient arrives and he
appears he had been in a car wreck. The doctor
said, "My previous patient looked bad, but you
look terrible! What the hell happened to you?" He
replied,
"You know I have been unemployed for a while
now. Today was the first day at my new job. I
forgot to set my alarm and I was late. I was
running out of the building, getting dressed at
the same time, and you won't believe it! I was hit
by a fridge! I don't know how the fridge fell on
me, or where it came from!"
Before closing hours, the third patient came in.
He looks like he was punished in hell. The
doctor is shocked. He asked, "What in the hell
happened to you?!" The patient replies,
"Well, It started like this; "I was in a fridge...",,,,,
,the doctor fainted

DIFFERENT TYPES OF CALL DURATION SUMMARIES
Boy to boy.....00:00:59
Boy to mum...00:00:50
Boy to dad......00:00:30
Boy to girl.......01:23:59
Girl to girl.......21:29:59
Girl to boy......missed call
Wife to husband...Disconnected
Husband to wife....call waiting

Matatu driver to tuktuk driver:
"We! Toa generator kwa barabara!!"

TEACHER: "Class, women are like fruits. Each fruit has its own color, shape, taste and aroma. Which fruits do you think most men like? "
ONYANGO: "Fruit salad."

My wife and I were having a serious quarrel when I said to her...
"Pack your things and ....."
At that point, her phone rang, so I had to stop for her to receive the call.
It was her dad. The phone was on speaker so I could hear what he was saying.
After the usual pleasantries between father and daughter, he said:
"my daughter, I have transferred KShs 10,000,000 into your account, give your husband KShs 5,000,000 out of it, and you can have the other half."
After the good-byes, the call ended, and she turned to me, glaring:
"Ati you said I should pack my things and do what?"
"I SAID PACK YOUR THINGS AND GIVE THEM TO ME TO WASH! NI NINI HII KU ASSUME MAMBO BANA! ARGH! "