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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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washiku wrote:Uhuru, Raila, Ngilu, Martha Karua.
Raila,uhuru, Ngilu and Martha Karua are travelling in a train. The train suddenly goes thru a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a hard slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. Ngilu and Uhuru are sitting there looking perplexed. Raila is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap.
All of them are diplomatic and nobody says anything.
Ngilu is thinking: These men are all crazy about Martha Karua. Raila must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel.Amefanya poa kumchapa kofi)
Martha is thinking: "Raila must have moved to kiss me, but kissed Ngilu instead and got
slapped!"
Raila is thinking: "Aki, Uhuru must have tried to kiss Martha Karua, she thought it was me and slapped me, isorait!"
Uhuru is thinking: "If this train goes through another tunnel, I will make another kissing sound and slap Raila again lol, Ruto wont believe"  Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Nilikua na Ugali ya juzi na sikua na mboga...Nikadownload App ya OLX nikapiga picha then nikapost,after 2 days Mluhya Mmoja kutoka Bunyole akanipigia..akaja akaiona tukaelewana Bei na akainunua.. sasa nina pesa ya kununua mboga!! Asante sana OLX...
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Rank: User Joined: 8/15/2013 Posts: 13,237 Location: Vacuum
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washiku wrote:Uhuru, Raila, Ngilu, Martha Karua.
Raila,uhuru, Ngilu and Martha Karua are travelling in a train. The train suddenly goes thru a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a hard slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. Ngilu and Uhuru are sitting there looking perplexed. Raila is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap.
All of them are diplomatic and nobody says anything.
Ngilu is thinking: These men are all crazy about Martha Karua. Raila must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel.Amefanya poa kumchapa kofi)
Martha is thinking: "Raila must have moved to kiss me, but kissed Ngilu instead and got
slapped!"
Raila is thinking: "Aki, Uhuru must have tried to kiss Martha Karua, she thought it was me and slapped me, isorait!"
Uhuru is thinking: "If this train goes through another tunnel, I will make another kissing sound and slap Raila again lol, Ruto wont believe" If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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President Obama walks into a local bank in Chicago to cash a check. He is surrounded by Secret Service agents. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me?" Cashier: "It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?" Obama: "Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am President Barack Obama, the President of the United States of AMERICA !!!!" Cashier: "Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of 9/11, impostors, forgers, money laundering, and bad mortgage underwriting not to mention requirements of the Dodd/Frank legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID." Obama: “Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am." Cashier: "I am sorry Mr. President but these are the bank rules and I must follow them." Obama: "I am urging you, please, to cash this check. I need to buy a gift for Michelle for Valentine’s Day" Cashier: "Look Mr. President, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger Woods came into one of our bank branches without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a coffee cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his check.” “Another time, Andre Agassi came into the same place without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot where as the tennis ball landed in a coffee cup. With that shot we cashed his check. So, Mr. President, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, as the President of the United States?" Obama: Obama stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says, "Honestly, my mind is a total blank...there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do and I don’t have a clue.” Cashier: "Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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I have seen this story somewhere...could this have been a Wazuan? I was hanging out alone in a bar on a Friday night. At around 2 a.m I decided to leave for my crib...no matatus ply that route at that time of the morning and so I decided to hitch a ride. It starts raining, and then a prado stops next to me. I quickly get into the passenger side and close the door. The car starts moving and just when I was about to thank the driver I discover there was none! I started to freak out but I was afraid to jump out of a Moving vehicle. When the car got to a bend, a hand comes in through the drivers window and turned the steering wheel!! This happens twice but on the third time I became totally freaked out and decided to jump out of the car landing into a ditch full of rain water. I got up and ran into a nearby bar. After drowning four beers I narrate my ghost encounter to whoever cared to listen. Just then three guys came into the same bar, soaked wet, then one of them recognises me and starts laughing uncontrollably while pointing at me. Amid his serious laughter he says "si huyu ni ule Mlevi aliingia gari tukisukuma?
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 12/1/2008 Posts: 1,098
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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A mad man at a mental hospital climbed on a branch of a tree and stayed there for half a day.Suddenly, he let go off the branch and fell full force to the ground. A doctor quickly came and asked him, "what happened? " The mad man answered, " I'M RIPE"
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/2/2007 Posts: 8,776 Location: Cameroon
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washiku wrote:President Obama walks into a local bank in Chicago to cash a check. He is surrounded by Secret Service agents. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me?"
Cashier:
"It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?"
Obama:
"Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am President Barack Obama, the President of the United States of AMERICA !!!!"
Cashier:
"Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of 9/11, impostors, forgers, money laundering, and bad mortgage underwriting not to mention requirements of the Dodd/Frank legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID."
Obama:
“Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am."
Cashier:
"I am sorry Mr. President but these are the bank rules and I must follow them."
Obama:
"I am urging you, please, to cash this check. I need to buy a gift for Michelle for Valentine’s Day"
Cashier:
"Look Mr. President, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger Woods came into one of our bank branches without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a coffee cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his check.”
“Another time, Andre Agassi came into the same place without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot where as the tennis ball landed in a coffee cup. With that shot we cashed his check.
So, Mr. President, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, as the President of the United States?"
Obama:
Obama stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says, "Honestly, my mind is a total blank...there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do and I don’t have a clue.”
Cashier:
"Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President? TULIA.........UFUNZWE!
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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washiku wrote:A mad man at a mental hospital climbed on a branch of a tree and stayed there for half a day.Suddenly, he let go off the branch and fell full force to the ground. A doctor quickly came and asked him, "what happened? " The mad man answered, " I'M RIPE" Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 11/9/2009 Posts: 2,003
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