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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Mukiri wrote:washiku wrote:Mukiri wrote:Swenani wrote:washiku wrote:Swenani wrote:washiku wrote:Please Advice this Guy...
Hi, naitwa Alex na niko form 3. Nikiwa class 8 nililala na dem alikuwa amemaliza form 4 na baadaye tukajamishana na akaolewa. Last month wameachana na hazi wake akakuja kwetu na ball kubwa akasema niyangu. Akasema vile tulijamishana iliacha kugrow but last year ameanza kunipenda tena ikaanza kugrow ndio ishaakuwa big. Nikaona ananidanganya nikauliza hazi wake kama alimweka ball akasema hapana alimwoa nayo. Akasema niukweli virgin akipata ball na ajam huwacha kugrow mpaka aanze kupenda mwenye ball ndio igrow.
Sasa nashindwa vile nitado coz sitaki kuwa baba nikiwa shule na pia mtoi niwangu siwezi mkana. Niko frustrated sana, pliz niadvise vile nitado... Niaje Washiku, Enyewe inakaa hauko prepared kuwa mbuyu.Lakini usikate tama mzeiya.Wewe bado ni kijanaa usikubali huyo mshee akukatizie starehe zako. Wewe kwara hio story,ambia mshee wako Doki aliksho hauwezipeana ball coz ball zako zilichapa. Akileta noma, kubali alafu utoanishe hio ball hewa.Usijali venye utaitoanisha coz najua masaa fulani hapo ulolo anatoanisha hewa na brown tatu. Strong mtu wangu  Yours is too deep. Sijaelewa chochote. Kama hii ni Gweng kwako haikosi wewe ni ule babi wa earthwire kutoka westy. Usijali lakini sheng ni ya watu wa ngwida Hio story ya kavu tatu ni mezesha kwa Sir Godi. Chunga mtu wangu usije ukaitana kwa kuadisia huyo mtoi. Mukiri kumbe pia wewe ni born tau? Au munasikizanga ghetto FM? Sasa mimi nililelewa shags. Inakaa ushamba utaniua. I am in the group that @Alma despices for coming to the city too late, to look for jobs. Bro, In this life you adapt or die. But if you found me talking to a white, you'd think I've taken one too many mkebes of cerelac, if you found me hustling in Gikomba, you'd expect me to chomoa a bottle of glue and start sniffing. Found in shags, you'd want to remove the jiggers from my feet  Nice one
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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Verified Parody! President of Brookside, Brookhouse, Brooklyn, and Brookenge!! BrooBuru Estate Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
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Rank: User Joined: 8/15/2013 Posts: 13,237 Location: Vacuum
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Girl:Am pregnant Mum:How? Girl:Its an accident Mum:You mean you were walking on the road and fell on an erect penis? If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/17/2008 Posts: 23,365 Location: Nairobi
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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A man dies and goes to hell. Once there, he finds that there is a different hell for each country, so he tries to seek out the least painful one. At the door to German Hell, he is told: "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day. " He does not like the sound of that, so he checks out American Hell, Russian Hell and many more. They are all similarly gruesome. However, at Kenyan Hell a long line of people is waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?" He is told: "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Kenyan devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day. " "But that's the same as the others, " says the man. "Why are so many people waiting to get in?" "Because of the power cuts, the electric chair does not work. The nails were paid for but never supplied, so the bed is comfortable. And the Kenyan devil used to be a civil servant, so he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back home for private business."
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/1/2010 Posts: 3,024 Location: Hapa
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washiku wrote:A man dies and goes to hell. Once
there, he finds that there is a
different hell for each country, so
he tries to seek out the least
painful one.
At the door to German Hell,
he is told: "First they put you in an electric
chair for an hour.
Then they lay you on a bed
of nails for another hour. Then
the German devil comes in and
whips you for the rest of the
day.
" He does not like the sound
of that, so he checks out
American Hell, Russian Hell and
many more. They are all similarly
gruesome. However, at Kenyan
Hell a long line of people is
waiting to get in. Amazed, he
asks, "What do they do here?"
He is told: "First they put you in an
electric chair for an hour. Then
they lay you on a bed of nails for
another hour.
Then the Kenyan devil comes in
and whips you for the rest of the day.
" "But that's the same as the others,
" says the man. "Why are so many people
waiting to get in?"
"Because of the power cuts,
the electric chair does not work.
The nails were paid for but never supplied,
so the bed is comfortable. And the
Kenyan devil used to be a civil
servant, so he comes in, signs his
time sheet and goes back home
for private business."  but also Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. - Muhammad Ali🐝
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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butterflyke wrote:washiku wrote:A man dies and goes to hell. Once
there, he finds that there is a
different hell for each country, so
he tries to seek out the least
painful one.
At the door to German Hell,
he is told: "First they put you in an electric
chair for an hour.
Then they lay you on a bed
of nails for another hour. Then
the German devil comes in and
whips you for the rest of the
day.
" He does not like the sound
of that, so he checks out
American Hell, Russian Hell and
many more. They are all similarly
gruesome. However, at Kenyan
Hell a long line of people is
waiting to get in. Amazed, he
asks, "What do they do here?"
He is told: "First they put you in an
electric chair for an hour. Then
they lay you on a bed of nails for
another hour.
Then the Kenyan devil comes in
and whips you for the rest of the day.
" "But that's the same as the others,
" says the man. "Why are so many people
waiting to get in?"
"Because of the power cuts,
the electric chair does not work.
The nails were paid for but never supplied,
so the bed is comfortable. And the
Kenyan devil used to be a civil
servant, so he comes in, signs his
time sheet and goes back home
for private business." but also Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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He he he... Nice one. Never gets old.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 7/11/2012 Posts: 5,222
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washiku wrote:He he he... Nice one. Never gets old. Hapo tumeonewa!
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/20/2008 Posts: 6,275 Location: Kenya
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Mukiri wrote:washiku wrote:He he he... Nice one. Never gets old. Hapo tumeonewa! @alma this is what I referred you to, have you watched? (no abuses please, it is with regard to a question you asked)
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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A famous businessman meets a beautiful girl and agrees to spend the afternoon with her for 50000 kshs. So they do. Before he leaves, he tells her that he does not have any cash with him, but that he will have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment 'RENT FOR APARTMENT.' On the way to the office he regrets what he has done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price. So he has his secretary send a check for 25000 and enclosed the following typed note : Dear Madam, Enclosed find check in the amount of 25000 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the apartment, I was under the impression that 1) it had never been occupied; 2) that there was plenty of heat; 3) that it was small enough to make me cozy and at home. However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large. Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for 25000 with the following note : Dear Sir First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the landlady. Send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady!
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Rank: Member Joined: 6/28/2010 Posts: 293 Location: Gigiri
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Rank: Member Joined: 6/28/2010 Posts: 293 Location: Gigiri
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Teacher: Spell the word AMBULANCE Pupil. A..M....B...Y......U..... Teacher: Faster!!! Pupil.. Wiuwiuwiuwiuwiuwiuwiuwiuwiuwiuwiuwiuwiu Sina Signature. NKT
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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While in England Uhuru met the Queen of England and asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?" "Well," said the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people." Uhuru frowned, "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?" The Queen took a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle." The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "Please send David Cameron in here, would you? David Cameron walked into the room. "Yes, my Queen?" The Queen smiled. "Answer me this, please, David. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?" Without pausing for a moment, David Cameron answered, "That would be me." "Yes! Very good," said the Queen. Uhuru came back to Kenya & asked Duale the same question. "Duale. Answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?" "I'm not sure," said Duale. "Let me get back to you on that one." Duale went and asked his advisors but none gave him an answer. Finally, he ended up in the urinal and met Ababu Namwamba. Duale asked Namwamba "Ababu! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Ababu yelled back, "That's easy. It's me!" Duale smiled, and said, "Thanks man!" Then pleased with himself, he went back to speak with Uhuru. "Mr. President, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Ababu Namwamba!!." Uhuru got up, stomped over to Duale, and angrily yelled into his face, "No, you idiot! It's David Cameron!"......
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Children Are Quick and Always Speak Their Minds ____________________________________ TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America . MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ? CLASS: Maria. ____________________________________ TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using the tables. __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. (I Love this child) ____________________________________________ TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. __________________________________ TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me! __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. _______________________________________ TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. ' MILLIE: I is... TEACHER: No, Millie...... always say, 'I am.' MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet' ________________________________ TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand...... ______________________________________ TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. ______________________________ TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his? CLYDE : No sir, It's the same dog. (I want to adopt this kid!!!) ___________________________________ TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher ________________________
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Rank: Member Joined: 5/9/2013 Posts: 285 Location: hapakule.
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One day the pope asked his driver to let him drive for a change. "It's been long, you know."So they switched places. A few miles down the highway they were flagged down. The Pope rolled down his window and inquired of the traffic cop, "Something the matter, officer?" The cop stared at them in amazement and utter disbelief. "Just a second, sir". He stepped aside and pulled out his radio. Excerpts: Cop: Sir, I stopped a really important guy for speeding, and I don't know what to do with him. Boss: Write him a ticket. I don't care who he is. Cop: But sir, he's really important... Boss (sneering): Is it the senator? Or the governor maybe? Cop: Neither, sir. More senior. Boss (hesitant): Is it the president? Cop: No, sir. Boss (perplexed): Then who is it? Cop: I...I think it's God, sir... Boss (utterly dumbfounded): GOD? What makes you think it's God? Cop: Well sir, the pope is his driver!... Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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An Italian Boy's Confession'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'. The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?' 'Yes, Father, it is.' 'And who was the girl you were with?' 'I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation'. 'Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later. So you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?' 'I cannot say.' 'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?' 'I'll never tell.' 'Was it Nina Capelli?' 'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.' 'Was it Cathy Piriano?' 'My lips are sealed.' 'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?' 'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.' The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.' Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?' 'Four months vacation and five good leads. Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
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