McReggae stammers out of a bar and rans into 2 priests. He rans up to them and says,"I’m Jesus Christ" The priests reply"No son, you are not"
McReggae says,"Look, i can prove it if he go back with you to the bar"The priests agree and when the walk into the bar;The bartender takes a look at McReggae and exclaim, "Jesus Christ, you are here again"
Mcreggae looks at the priest with an evil smile and says" what did i tell you,you heard what he called me?"
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Big chick and her hubby were sleeping. Big Chick had a bad dream, she woke up scared and cried.

Her husband comforted her and asked why she cried, she replied: “I had a dream that a very rich and handsome man kidnapped me from you.”

Husband: “It is ok honey, it was just a dream.”
Big Chick responded loudly: “That is why I’m crying.”

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An 80-year old man walks into the doctor’s office for his regular check-up.

The doctor says to him, “Ahh, Njunge, how are you feeling?”
“Great,” says Njunge. “I have an 18-year old wife, and she’s pregnant with my child.”

The doctor gives a concerned look and says to Njunge, “Njunge, let me tell you a story. See, I have this hunter friend and one early morning, he goes out hunting, but is in such a hurry that he grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. So, as he is hunting, he spots a lion. He aims at the lion with his umbrella and shoots at it. Bam! The lion falls dead to the ground.”

“What?!” cries Njunge. “Why? that’s impossible! Someone else must have shot the lion.”
“Exactly!” says the doctor.

hiyo ya McReggae ni uongo , he doesn't 'rans out', he runs out

A kalenjin's letter 2 her boyfriend:...
Tia jopri(geoffery) my laf, i af mist u like grazy since tisemba! Apari ya juo? mi nigo boa ila tu nimeshintwa kufanya omwag(homework) kwasapapu kila mara naguwasa wee mbensi. My laf 4 u is like te one 4 pee and negtar. Masee, eferi time i remempa tat tei kwa jini ya muti ya mabera bale mdoni, my heart pits like kudung'kudung' and i chast veel like sgreaming!,,,jienjoy SUPER SATO NJEMA.

Memories

Niaje Washiku,

Enyewe inakaa hauko prepared kuwa mbuyu.Lakini usikate tama mzeiya.Wewe bado ni kijanaa usikubali huyo mshee akukatizie starehe zako.

Wewe kwara hio story,ambia mshee wako Doki aliksho hauwezipeana ball coz ball zako zilichapa.

Akileta noma, kubali alafu utoanishe hio ball hewa.Usijali venye utaitoanisha coz najua masaa fulani hapo ulolo anatoanisha hewa na brown tatu.

Strong mtu wangu

We fanya hivi;
1. Lea bibi mpaka a-give birth (bado wewe si baba, we ni bwana ya mamake).
2. Lea mtoi, lipia fees etc (bado wewe si baba, wewe ni mlezi, yaani, baba wa kuleta mkate, sio baba mzazi).
3. Akimaliza chuo apate job poa alafu akuwe sonko, hiyo ni investment, dai dividends. Akiwa msoto, dai DNA kutoka kwa mother-ke! (F.Y.I wewe bado sio baba, ni investment, yaani, wewe ni investor).

Chances are, wewe ni ngamwe! So, JI-SORT na ufala wako huko!

After a long argument with his wife a man told the wife,

"Women are just donkeys! All women are donkeys!"

The next day as they were travelling along the limuru kwa mbira highway, a donkey crossed in front of their car. The wife calmly said to her husband,

"Sweety please be careful, your mother is crossing the road."!!!

Mukiri kumbe pia wewe ni born tau? Au munasikizanga ghetto FM? Sasa mimi nililelewa shags. Inakaa ushamba utaniua. I am in the group that @Alma despices for coming to the city too late, to look for jobs.

Bro, In this life you adapt or die. But if you found me talking to a white, you'd think I've taken one too many mkebes of cerelac, if you found me hustling in Gikomba, you'd expect me to chomoa a bottle of glue and start sniffing. Found in shags, you'd want to remove the jiggers from my feet