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Rank: Hello Joined: 3/20/2014 Posts: 5
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Is this my breaking point ? Been together with this man close to eight yrs now .and 2 kids after.problem is for the last 6 yrs I have known no peace.main issue being guy goes out clubbing almost every single day of the week and getss home in the morn mostly around 4 am on weekdays and 6am on weekends.needless to say we have had instances where he fails to get home , this mostly happened a while ago when I was pregnant with my 2nd. Got to learn he had several galfrnds and even collectd prostitutes frm the club.am sure he still does it even now.looking at our future ,i fear we may end up as sickly weak parents.
The guy has a business which no doubt has stood due to his responsible supportive business partner.
His partner seems to have accomplished a lot over the yrs they've bn together. My guy h's got nothing to show for it except a car which is now a moving junk.i need to add the guy has a huge ego and top arrogance nd gets physically abusive nd insultive when drunk. I look at our growing son nd can only see a replica of him.He is a bright boy but lacks concentration in class. His performance is quite poor.
I have stuck to the old wives tale of a wise woman .But looking back most of my nights have been filled with despair and loneliness. Am now 30,with a business tho not very stable.i have been able to acquire myself a plot and even gone back to school.i hope to develop a career besides my business for stability.
A few weeks ago,guy came home at 6am woke me up and got very abusive,our hse gal was dragged into the commotion and I left with her leaving my kids behind.For 2wks I was away guy kept begin forgivens confesn his weakness nd promised never to hurt me again.Needless to say,we r now back to the same story.....drunkedness,financial irresponsibility,physical abuse , insults,MWK name
it.
Is there hope beyond breaking point or is this a disaster in the making.Need to c it in other pples eyes.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 2/26/2012 Posts: 15,980
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Lady em...Let me first say welcome to Wazua tho i have this gut feeling that tells me that you are not new here. I advise you to start looking at our future. Ask yourself these questions. 1. How long can you go on living as such? 2. Do you want your children to grow up in such an environment? 3. Depending on your answers start drawing your map. You will be surprised at how strong you are. This man is taking advantage of the fact that you have babies and he seems to think that you can do nothing, after all you have been there all this while. He could be the kind of people who derive pleasure from seeing others worry sick over them so from this night ignore the guy. I hope you have friends who should be your strong support group. Take stock of what belongs to you and start thinking about U and your 2 babies. This may take a while so in the meantime, pamper yourself. Start living again, go to those places where they make you people look good because you need that self esteem. "There are only two emotions in the market, hope & fear. The problem is you hope when you should fear & fear when you should hope: - Jesse Livermore
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/2/2011 Posts: 4,824 Location: -1.2107, 36.8831
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Just one question, Can you afford to live without this man, you and your kids? If the answer is YES, then JUST LEAVE. If the answer is NO, then PROTECT YOUR ZONE. Just get crazy, (but don't kill anyone). Receive with simplicity everything that happens to you.” ― Rashi
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Rank: Elder Joined: 1/17/2013 Posts: 4,693 Location: Earth
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Lady em wrote: I look at our growing son nd can only see a replica of him.He is a bright boy but lacks concentration in class. His performance is quite poor.
PLease refuse that regardless of how you feel becaue you will hate the innocent boy for no reason of his own. Declare and Speak positive things about him every single day and encourage him to believe that he can reach the greatest heights possible no matter what his background is like. Don't EVER put a full stop in your kids life or your own by negative proclamations until God says so. I can't advice you on what to do because I see women holding on to abusive marriages for property sake and other non-life saving stuff at the expense of their peace,happiness and joy. Until you are ready to forsake all that seems comfortable yet painful and believe that your destiny is in God,you will forever remain a slave,6 yrs a slave. I pray that you find peace in whatever decision you make cz some never made it out of abusive relationships and left grieving families. Today is another day of slavery for you,but you will make it. 
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Rank: Hello Joined: 3/20/2014 Posts: 5
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dunkang wrote:Just one question, Can you afford to live without this man, you and your kids?
If the answer is YES, then JUST LEAVE.
If the answer is NO, then PROTECT YOUR ZONE. Just get crazy, (but don't kill anyone). If I were an introvert , swear I would have killed by now.The pain is so much at times I feel like my health is in the line.God is good I have never kept to myself, and this gives me extra strength to live another day
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/17/2008 Posts: 23,365 Location: Nairobi
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Madam welcome to wazua, this case seems to have all the ingredients that make a bad marriage, we don't know his story.....Amani Counselling Centre along Mbagathi should be the 1st stop for both of you, akikataa, nenda pekee yako......you just can't live your life for another person!!! ..."Wewe ni mtu mdogo sana....na mwenye amekuandika pia ni mtu mdogo sana!".
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Rank: Elder Joined: 7/11/2012 Posts: 5,222
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I'm an advocate of marriage and have defended it passionately, even here on Wazua many a time.... but Infidelity is a deal breaker. Perpetual infidelity. Looks like you married a boy who's refused to grow up. Get your (photographic)evidence and leave. I have an Aunt with cancer, which I think was mainly caused by this kind of drama/stress.
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 7/5/2010 Posts: 2,061 Location: Nairobi
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Lady em wrote:Is this my breaking point ? Been together with this man close to eight yrs now .and 2 kids after.problem is for the last 6 yrs I have known no peace.main issue being guy goes out clubbing almost every single day of the week and getss home in the morn mostly around 4 am on weekdays and 6am on weekends.needless to say we have had instances where he fails to get home , this mostly happened a while ago when I was pregnant with my 2nd. Got to learn he had several galfrnds and even collectd prostitutes frm the club.am sure he still does it even now.looking at our future ,i fear we may end up as sickly weak parents.
The guy has a business which no doubt has stood due to his responsible supportive business partner.
His partner seems to have accomplished a lot over the yrs they've bn together. My guy h's got nothing to show for it except a car which is now a moving junk.i need to add the guy has a huge ego and top arrogance nd gets physically abusive nd insultive when drunk. I look at our growing son nd can only see a replica of him.He is a bright boy but lacks concentration in class. His performance is quite poor.
I have stuck to the old wives tale of a wise woman .But looking back most of my nights have been filled with despair and loneliness. Am now 30,with a business tho not very stable.i have been able to acquire myself a plot and even gone back to school.i hope to develop a career besides my business for stability.
A few weeks ago,guy came home at 6am woke me up and got very abusive,our hse gal was dragged into the commotion and I left with her leaving my kids behind.For 2wks I was away guy kept begin forgivens confesn his weakness nd promised never to hurt me again.Needless to say,we r now back to the same story.....drunkedness,financial irresponsibility,physical abuse , insults,MWK name
it.
Is there hope beyond breaking point or is this a disaster in the making.Need to c it in other pples eyes. CAVEAT: You will get harsh advice here. Let me go first: What is your question? Do you want to stay or do you want to leave? In answer to your un-asked question: Leave. Being afraid to start over is a prison; Look around, many women have left abusive men and are doing well. Your husband is incapable of change; Being a dude I am all for forgiving for the one- time straying but continous drinking, serial girlfriends and prostitutes is an interminable problem. I can draw you a picture of what will very likely happen in a few years; He will boot you out and move a floozy into your house, or leave you and move in with a floozy, leaving you with limited options. Break now when you can still grow yourself and secure your future and that of your children. I sincerely hope you will weigh carefully whatever you are told by people here and act accordingly. We see too many people around here using advice for catharsis which is pointless and a waste of time. Peace out
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Rank: Elder Joined: 2/8/2013 Posts: 4,068 Location: At Large.
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Listen to your heart...what is it telling you? If I were you I would go and never look back.At 30 you are still young to take that crap.You deserve better.I am 102% sure you will be better of without him.Mentally, physically and financially and guess what you will be better socially and maybe attract another man who will love you and respect you. It wont be easy but it can be done. All the best and seek Gods guidance. Love is beautiful and so are those who share it.With Love, Marriage is an amazing event in ones life time, the foundation of joy, happiness and success.
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Rank: Member Joined: 9/30/2013 Posts: 659
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You have an argument with your husband, the house help gets caught up in it, and you left with the house help leaving your kids for two weeks with the abusive-drinking-partying-husband? So, how is he with the kids? Is he kind to them? If you stay ready, no need to get ready.
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