THIS NOTICE was spotted at KARUMAINDO BAR in Nyeri.
1. Ukifanya order, unaturia, usishide umekubusha waiter, yeye ni mutu mzima anakubuka.
2. Ukirewa urewe peke yako, usianze kuiba nyibo za Kigooco huku. Ukitaka kuiba eda crusade.
3. Huku hakuna dancing floor. Kwa hivo usika dance huku, hii ni bar, sio carnivorous(Carnivore)
4. Urinal ziko. Kukonjoa ni sawa. Ukitaka hanja kumbwa, mariza pobe yako uede ukakumie kwako. Huku hakuna choo. Tunauzaga fobe si Ugari.
5. Kufugia waiter jicho uwache. Unamfugia jicho kwani umeskia ni daktari wa macho.
6. Ukinunuria waiter fobe, sio kumaanicha ati utaeda na yeye kwako. Ako hapa kuuza fobe, sio kuuza mwiri, mununurie nauede.
7. Kumwaga mwaga fobe kwa meza tumekataa! Urinunua ukunywe ama umwage, tumia kongocity!
8. Huku hakuna Maraya. Ukitaka maraya kuja na wako, na akuwe maraya anaereweka tafathari.
9. Wakati Mike Rua ama Salim Junia anaiba, tafathari usiibanishe na yeye. NYAMAZA watu warikuja kusikiza Rua, sio wewe. Ukitaka kuiba, tuabie tukutafutie Saturday yako.
10. Kushika shika waiter matako ni hatia! Shikamatako yako, huku si bedroom.
11. Maneno ya CORD na JUBILEE perekeni Fesbuk. Sio hapa!
12. Kuwekewa mchere kwa fobe si kitu kubwa, ukiwekewa, unaitoa na unaederea na Fobe yako kama kawaida.
13. HAKUNA kurara kwa Meza! Meza sio kitada. Kama umerewa, eda ukarare kwako.
14. Ukiibiwa pesa eda ukastaki kwa borithi, si ati ukuje kusubua Manager.
15. Tip ni razima! Kama pesa yako haitoshi ya tip, razima bill irete shida ama ununue fobe take away ukakunywie kwako.
16. Huku hakuna bouncer! Rakini ukireta nyokonyoko tutakunyorosha kama Mukora.
17. Usitapike huku. Hii ni Bar, sio Clinic ya watoto. Unatapika kwani uko na Miba??
By Management.

smh,ok.

....Hii Swenani bure kabisa!

As usual, this thread does not disappoint. Just made my day. Hahaha!

I once asked my friend, "What is the secret behind your happy married life?" He replied,"You should share responsibilities with due
love, and respect to each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems. "I asked, "Can you explain?"
He said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues whereas my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's
decisions. "Still not convinced, I asked me him to give me some
examples.
He said, "Smaller issues like how many kids to have, the neighbourhood to live, which car we should buy, how much money to save, who, when and where to visit, which sofa, cooker, refrigerator
to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not, where to go for holidays, whose mum we should visit etc, etc, are decided by my wife. I just agree to it."
I then asked, "So then what is your role?” He said, "My decisions are
only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iran, the
uranium enrichment in North Korea, whether Britain should lift
sanctions against Zimbabwe, how to fully exploit Africa's economic
and intellectual potential, whether Yoweri Museveni and Barack Obama should retire, whether Arsenal FC needs to buy new players or change their coach to improve their play, whether Usain Bolt should retire now-while still at his prime etc, etc. My wife never objects to
any of these decisions and we live happily!"

Eti....

.. Kunyolewa ni 2sok, kwani nanyolewa hadi ujinga?

.. Elimu ni ngao, kwani tunaenda vita?

.. Rurashio 1m, kwani anakam na mpango wa kando?

.. Kitunguu 20bob, kwani iko na nyanya ndani?

.. Kuona daktari 2k, kwani ako uchi?

.. Bra 5sok, kwani ni longsleeve?

.. Gazeti 70bob, kwani ni 3D?📰

.. Eti trao thao, kwani itakuwa inaanua hizo zingine kukinyesha?👖

.. Uko saved, kwani sisi tuko recycle bin?🚮

.. Donut 20bob, kwani nakula hadi shimo lake?🍩

.. Padz 1k, kwani iko na drainage system?🙈

.. Nyama quarter 2sok, kwani inafungwo na gazeti ya kesho?🍖🍗

.. Smoking kills slowly, kwani nani ako na haraka ya kufa?

.. Success card 2sok, kwani inakam na mwakenya?

.. Samaki 5sok, kwani ni ile ilimeza Jonah?🐋

.. Coffin 90k, kwani ni self contained?

.. Chapo 50bob, kwani imepikwa na nivea?🍪

.. Mirror 2sok, kwani ni touch?🌌

STATUS UPDATES KA FB INGEKUWA NYAKATI ZA BIBLIA:

1. Guys it's scary, Lot's wife just turned into a pillar of salt! Woi? #? Shaking?

2. One of Jesus' disciples post: What a long day….Walking and preaching the gospel. Now chilling with my brothers. These guys are funny aki... (LLP) Laughing Like Pharaoh........ ?#? SMH?

3. Just chilling in first class at Noah's ark, the view here is fantastic.. But these Lions keep staring at me weirdly. ?#? Noah’s voyage

4. O M G!!!! The red sea just parted before my eyes. You guys should see this!! Instagram pap! #? shocked4Days?

5. Chilling with Moses at Mt. Sinai guys. There's some miracle going on here... #? Ku Receive Manna from heaven NAYO!!!

6. Eve and her hubby got banished, ati they ate the forbidden fruit. I mean who does that? ‪#‎SMH‬

7. Jacob’s status: Things we do for love, can't believe I worked for her father for 14 years just to get her. Love you Rachel. ?#? FeelingInLove...

8. Some people are so cruel....Sasa kama Cain...how do you kill your own brother??#? RIPAbel... #? NKT?

9. Njaa nayo??...ni kubaya but thank God Mchungaji has done a miracle here!! Can’t believe it guys… multiplied 5 loaves n fish???...sasa ni kushiba.
10 Judas update….Leo niko na deal deadly ya bizna…..can’t imagine 30M in just minutes!!...Feelanga blessed@ Gethsemane

This one got me ribs cracking

A very sad Chinese story: 朣楢琴执㝧执瑩浻牡楧㩮㔱硰执㝧执獧浻牡楧敬瑦瀰絸朣杢㑳执獧扻捡杫潲湵潣潬㩲昣昸昸㬸慢正牧畯摮椭慭敧敷止瑩札慲楤湥楬敮牡氬晥⁴潴敬瑦戠瑯潴牦浯㡦㡦㡦潴捥捥捥戻捡杫潲湵浩条㩥眭扥楫楬敮牡札慲楤湥潴昣昸昸攣散散戻捡杫潲湵浩条㩥洭穯氭湩慥牧摡敩瑮琨灯㡦㡦㡦捥捥捥㬩慢正牧畯摮椭慭敧獭氭湩慥牧摡敩瑮琨灯㡦㡦㡦捥捥捥㬩慢正牧畯摮椭慭敧楬敮牡札慲楤湥潴昣昸昸攣散散戻捡杫潲湵浩条㩥楬敮牡札慲楤湥潴昣昸昸攣散散汩整㩲牰杯摩䐺䥘慭敧牔湡晳牯楍牣獯景牧摡敩瑮猨慴瑲潃潬卲牴昣昸昸䔬摮潃潬卲牴攣散散㬩潢摲牥硰猠汯摩⌠㙣㙣㙣搻獩汰祡戺潬正潭潢摲牥爭摡畩㩳瀲㭸漭戭牯敤慲楤獵㈺硰敷止瑩戭牯敤慲楤獵㈺硰戻牯敤慲楤獵㈺硰执獧搴摻獩汰祡戺潬正瀻獯瑩潩㩮敲慬楴敶执獧搴筮楤灳慬㩹湩楬敮戭潬正漻敶晲潬 I am already crying Especially that part when she said: 汦睯攺

A japanese couple argued heavily in public.
Husband: takamushi jiku.
Wife: hashi jiku mishihe.
Husband: inamoto kushini hatapi.
Wife: jejeta takuna mota shinita.
Husband: kituya sitina kutara.
Wife:saka weretuna joku.
Husband: ji taka mushi.
Wife: totori yatika muniya.
You are still reading as if you understand Japanese, be serious!! Nkt