C&P

Drinking and driving is extremely dangerous. On Sunday evening a friend of mine while driving put her arm out of the window to indicate that she was turning right and someone took her beer!

C & P

A Canadian and a Jamaican walk into a
supermarket. The Canadian steals 3 chocolate bars
and puts in his pocket and when they
left the store he said to the Jamaican
"you see that? I stole three chocolate
bars. nobody saw me. So thats magic
and I am a magician," and the jamaican said " lets go back to the
store, me ago show you who a the real
magician". They went in and the jamaican said to
the cashier " yuh want to see a magic
trick?" the cashier said " sure" "hand
me a chocolate bar" he ate it. "hand
me another one" he ate that too, "
hand me one more" and he ate it. "but sir where's the magic?" said the
cashier. The jamaican man said "check the
Canadian's pockets and yuh find all
three chocolate bars "

STOLEN----->>>>>>
DEAR LADIES! IF YOUR BOYFIE IS A JALUO...NEVER LET HIM ANSWER YOUR PHONE ON YOUR BEHALF NO MATTER THE CIRCUMSTANCES*

ONYANGO: Njeri, your cellular gadget has intercepted some electromagnetic waves and is currently summoning your attention
NJERI: Ati?
ONYANGO: Simu yako kwisalia. Mtu anapigia wewe sahu
NJERI: Bado niko kwa shower sweety, please receive it for me
ONYANGO: Hallo….
...CALLER: Njeri..eh, weko? Ne mwigithania ne ikomi na emwe
ONYANGO: Your lingual is foreign to my cochlea. Please utter alphabets in a universal manner so that I can derive sense from this dialogue
CALLER: Kwani Njeri yuko wapi?
ONYANGO: Njeri is currently interacting with a hot shower in my master bedroom that is located at the artic section of my bungalow. She cannot commence dialogue with you as her phone is not water proof like the one I own which can receive calls even while am submerged in my marbled jaccuzi
CALLER: Wewe ni nani?
ONYANGO: Yawaa do you have air-time of 2,000 shillings and above? Any airtime below that amount is not enough to permit me to finish explaining to you who I am via the phone as my accolades are too numerous. But to comprehend me better, visit any booksop near you and purchase a book titled “Knowing Professor Onyango, the individual with PHDs whose number exceeds the mythical lives of a cat”..I authored it when I came back from the diaspora in the previous year
CALLER: Nauliza wewe ni nani kwa Njeri?
ONYANGO: I am the individual whom Njeri surrenders to her fauna in absentia of clothing…..
CALLER: Ati umesema nini?
ONYANGO: Yes, I am the individual who relays copulative sensations to Njeri’s pelvic areas
CALLER: Auwiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, ati umesema nini?
ONYANGO: I am the individual who exposes Njeri’s lower limbs to mirror an obtuse angle, yawaaa. Mimi ndio boyfriend yake jowaa. And who are you?
CALLER: Ngai fafa….. umeharibu mtoto wangu. Mimi ni mamake Njeri….
ONYANGO: Ohh, I was talking to my designated mother-in-law, yawaa. Please ooze pardon towards my manners madam and permit me to introduce myself properly…. I am the homo-sapien currently in pursuit of your daughters’ genitalias with an aim of detaining her matrimonially....

Msenjiiiii