I tend to think this story is not true, sounds more like the Maina Kageni type.Hope he is not looking for keshos topic over here...the inconsistencies are glaring. If its true, then I have a few {just 5} comments:
1. Choices have consequences... When you turn your marriage into a spy theatre, you be ready to handle what you find out. Lucky for you, what u found out is in the past. When you concentrate too much on the rear mirror when driving, you are bound to cause an accident. That's what you are about to do. Its highly advisable to keep off your wife's phone if you can. By the way do you also share yours with her?
2. I pity your wife. In my opinion, "she doesn't deserve you", I am sorry. You had slept with a string on women, you want to get a side dish, but you are mad about her Ex. Seriously? If she was to tell you 100% about her past, how comes you also hid 20%? Maybe what you are now finding out is a mere 5% of what she didn't tell you. Now that you withheld 20%, that sounds like a fair deal to your favor. Maybe, just maybe, if she was to also dig out the 20% you shut up about, she would divorce you today, if her reasoning is like yours.
3. Marriage is a union of imperfect duo. You don't expect perfection from your partner, unless you also offer the same. If you are interested in getting a reason to divorce her, you will always get 1000 reasons. If you concentrate on making it work, you will always get a million reasons to stay on. Yours sounds like the reasons are even more because all the reasons you have why it shouldn't work are in the past. Add your lovely kids on that plus that she is a great woman, in your own words, apart from chatting with Ex. Smh...
4. Communication is paramount in a marriage. If you so honestly aren't comfortable with her chatting with her ex, tell her so. She might just stop it for the sake of her union. I have a feeling she loves her marriage and that's why she has withheld some damn info in her past from you to protect her marriage.
5. Learn to calm down. Never act in your anger rest you act foolishly. When angry, we are all bound to act stupid n regret later. If you cultivate a character of not over-reacting. One of thinking over things before doing them, she might start seeing you as a man enough who can handle any type of info without over-reacting n instead of sharing it with her ex, she will chose to share with you. Maybe for now she finds it wise to shut up to protect you from yourself. Why am I saying you are a guy of lose temper? How could you lose sleep over these "not too big" issues?