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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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butterflyke wrote:McReggae wrote:One day a Jew, a Hindu, and a Arsenal fan all arrived at their hotel to find that there had been a mix-up with the bookings, and that there was only one room left for them to share. The manager explained that this room only had two beds, but that there was a barn at a neighbouring farm which the farmer, an old friend of his, would let one of them sleep in free of charge. They complained a bit, but since there was nowhere else to go, the Jew graciously said he'd sleep in the b...arn. The Hindu and the Arsenal fan were just settling down to sleep in their room, when there was a knock on the door. It was the Jew. "I'm sorry," he said, "but there's a pig in that barn and because I'm Jewish I feel uncomfortable about sharing the barn with it."
"No problem," said the Hindu. "I'll sleep out there instead." So off he went to the barn, leaving the Arsenal fan and the Jew to share the room. They were just settling down to sleep, when there was a knock on the door. It was the Hindu. "I'm sorry," he said, "but there's a cow in that barn and because I'm a Hindu I feel uncomfortable about sharing the barn with it."
The Arsenal fan grudgingly agreed to give up his bed and stomped off to the barn, leaving the Jew and the Hindu to share the room. The Jew and the Hindu were just settling down to sleep, when there was a knock on the door. It was the cow and the pig. ai yawa  Replace Arsenal fan with Moyes  Woi.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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Swenani wrote:Mawinder, Thimion and Impunity board a plane.As the plane was flying over the sea satan came out and said to them;I want you to drop something in the sea, if i find it you die an dif i dont find it you live.Thimioni quicly plucked a button from his shirt and threw it into the sea, satan dived into the the sea and came up with the button."see!" he said and killed Thimioni(RIP).Impunity being an engineer, threw a pin into the sea, satan dived and came up with the pin."see!' he said and killed Impunity(RIP).Mawinder brought out a pure water bottle opened it ad poured the water into the sea holding back the bottle, he said to satan "Begin finding water inside the water idiot" Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 12/21/2011 Posts: 1,010
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A Kikuyu and Dr. Onyango go on a
camping trip, set up their tent,
and fall asleep. Some hours later,
the Kikuyu wakes his faithful
friend.
"Dr. Onyango, look up at the sky
and tell me what you see." Dr.
Onyango replies, "I see millions of
stars." "What does that tell you?"
Dr. Onyango ponders for a
minute.
"Astronomically speaking, it tells
me that there are millions of
galaxies and potentially billions of
planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that
Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it
appears to be approximately a
quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident theLord
is all-powerful and we are small
and insignificant.
Meteorologicall y, it seems we will
have a beautiful day tomorrow.
or What does it tell you, Mr.
Kikuyu?"
The Kikuyu is silent for a moment,
then speaks.
"Dr. Onyango, you idiot, kubafu,
foko jebe, brari uji baridi! It
means someone has stolen our
tent!!!!."
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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wilyum wrote:A Kikuyu and Dr. Onyango go on a
camping trip, set up their tent,
and fall asleep. Some hours later,
the Kikuyu wakes his faithful
friend.
"Dr. Onyango, look up at the sky
and tell me what you see." Dr.
Onyango replies, "I see millions of
stars." "What does that tell you?"
Dr. Onyango ponders for a
minute.
"Astronomically speaking, it tells
me that there are millions of
galaxies and potentially billions of
planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that
Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it
appears to be approximately a
quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident theLord
is all-powerful and we are small
and insignificant.
Meteorologicall y, it seems we will
have a beautiful day tomorrow.
or What does it tell you, Mr.
Kikuyu?"
The Kikuyu is silent for a moment,
then speaks.
"Dr. Onyango, you idiot, kubafu,
foko jebe, brari uji baridi! It
means someone has stolen our
tent!!!!." Could that have been Dr Tycho? He thinks too much n deep even for obvious things.
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Rank: Member Joined: 2/21/2009 Posts: 573
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washiku wrote:wilyum wrote:A Kikuyu and Dr. Onyango go on a
camping trip, set up their tent,
and fall asleep. Some hours later,
the Kikuyu wakes his faithful
friend.
"Dr. Onyango, look up at the sky
and tell me what you see." Dr.
Onyango replies, "I see millions of
stars." "What does that tell you?"
Dr. Onyango ponders for a
minute.
"Astronomically speaking, it tells
me that there are millions of
galaxies and potentially billions of
planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that
Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it
appears to be approximately a
quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident theLord
is all-powerful and we are small
and insignificant.
Meteorologicall y, it seems we will
have a beautiful day tomorrow.
or What does it tell you, Mr.
Kikuyu?"
The Kikuyu is silent for a moment,
then speaks.
"Dr. Onyango, you idiot, kubafu,
foko jebe, brari uji baridi! It
means someone has stolen our
tent!!!!." Could that have been Dr Tycho? He thinks too much n deep even for obvious things. 
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Rank: User Joined: 8/15/2013 Posts: 13,237 Location: Vacuum
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washiku wrote:wilyum wrote:A Kikuyu and Dr. Onyango go on a
camping trip, set up their tent,
and fall asleep. Some hours later,
the Kikuyu wakes his faithful
friend.
"Dr. Onyango, look up at the sky
and tell me what you see." Dr.
Onyango replies, "I see millions of
stars." "What does that tell you?"
Dr. Onyango ponders for a
minute.
"Astronomically speaking, it tells
me that there are millions of
galaxies and potentially billions of
planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that
Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it
appears to be approximately a
quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident theLord
is all-powerful and we are small
and insignificant.
Meteorologicall y, it seems we will
have a beautiful day tomorrow.
or What does it tell you, Mr.
Kikuyu?"
The Kikuyu is silent for a moment,
then speaks.
"Dr. Onyango, you idiot, kubafu,
foko jebe, brari uji baridi! It
means someone has stolen our
tent!!!!." Could that have been Dr Tycho? He thinks too much n deep even for obvious things. Tycho comes from the lakeside? If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 7/5/2010 Posts: 2,061 Location: Nairobi
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Swenani wrote:washiku wrote:wilyum wrote:A Kikuyu and Dr. Onyango go on a
camping trip, set up their tent,
and fall asleep. Some hours later,
the Kikuyu wakes his faithful
friend.
"Dr. Onyango, look up at the sky
and tell me what you see." Dr.
Onyango replies, "I see millions of
stars." "What does that tell you?"
Dr. Onyango ponders for a
minute.
"Astronomically speaking, it tells
me that there are millions of
galaxies and potentially billions of
planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that
Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it
appears to be approximately a
quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident theLord
is all-powerful and we are small
and insignificant.
Meteorologicall y, it seems we will
have a beautiful day tomorrow.
or What does it tell you, Mr.
Kikuyu?"
The Kikuyu is silent for a moment,
then speaks.
"Dr. Onyango, you idiot, kubafu,
foko jebe, brari uji baridi! It
means someone has stolen our
tent!!!!." Could that have been Dr Tycho? He thinks too much n deep even for obvious things. Tycho comes from the lakeside? Del.
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Kamau was enjoying the sun at the beach in Mombasa when lady asked him, “Are u relaxing?” Kamau replied; “No, I am Kamau”. A man came and asked him the same question. Kamau replied, “No! No! I am Kamau !”. Later on a little Girl came and asked him the same question again. Kamau became angry and decided to move away. While walking, he saw a guy sunbathing. He went up to him and asked,” Are you Relaxing?” The guy replied; “Yes, I am relaxing.” Kamau gave him a hot slap on his face and screamed; “foolish man ,is it not you everybody is looking for?
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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/28/2008 Posts: 2,276 Location: Kibish
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Watching citizen TV sports!!!!! oh my is this Jalias Lukong in the making ......... oh my ribs are aching. Nadondosha meli kubwa seuze ngalawa!
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/21/2013 Posts: 2,841 Location: Here
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Rank: User Joined: 8/15/2013 Posts: 13,237 Location: Vacuum
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Husband (watching a video): Don't do it! I swear you gonna regret it for the rest of your life. You stupid idiot! Don't say yes. No! No! NOOO!! Aw dang, he actually did it! What a dumb ass! Wife: Honey, why you so mad? What are you watching? Husband: Our wedding ceremony. If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Rank: User Joined: 8/15/2013 Posts: 13,237 Location: Vacuum
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That might be you in 6 months time If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
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Rank: User Joined: 8/15/2013 Posts: 13,237 Location: Vacuum
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I told my dad to embrace his mistakes. He cried. Then he hugged my sister and me. If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
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Rank: Elder Joined: 12/7/2012 Posts: 11,909
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Rank: User Joined: 8/15/2013 Posts: 13,237 Location: Vacuum
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WIFE : Honey l just dreamt that you bought me a diamond necklace. HUSBAND: Go back to sleep and wear it If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
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Rank: Chief Joined: 5/9/2007 Posts: 13,095
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Rank: Elder Joined: 11/26/2008 Posts: 2,097
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THE BEST COMPOSITION FROM NYAKEMINCHA PRIMARY SCHOOL 2011 - FROM YOUR COUNTY. BE PROUD OF YOUR COUNTY I was asleep. The jogoo shouted three times, I opened one eye and left the other to sleep abit. I was wishing I had slept with my uniforms putted on, but I realised if wishes were chickens beggars would been layin eggs. I woke up with only one eye open n and I was looking where the karai was put I wash my face. I found some cotton which I used to burn the jiko and cook a chai without milk called sturungi. I drank the sturungi haphazardy and hurriendily with a big piece of kiugali which had remained at night. I put on my uniforms and then I painted myself with fat and because there was no kiwi I had to paint my shoes with fat to. I took a paperbag put books and biros then ran my everything, I beated the first corner hardly then as I was beatin the second corner I heard the school bell cry ncgririr nkngrirriririri nckgrrrirrrrr!!! I knew nimelate. When I reached the gate!! You don't want to know!! Mr Mogaka was standin at the gate with a big black nyahunyo. I was so afraid that I almost urinated. I was asked "why are you late? I said " makaa was poured with water at night" teacher asked " what has that to do with you coming to school late" I told him " the jiko was late to burn so it delayed cookin strong' he said that is no excuse!! Touch your toes!! I started to remove my shoes so I can touch the toes but he told me I just meant bend, he gave me the first nyahunyo on my buttocks,,hehe it was as hot as a boiling water, I dried that one, he gave me the second one pap!! This one was much hotter n started hearing to cry, when the third one was given to me I heard so much pain that I touched my buttocks, the teacher said " you have erased that one!! I will have to give you another one!! When I was given the fourth nyahunyo, tears started getting out of my eyes uncontoullably,, the teacher said," You removing tears for who!! I don't want to see even a smell of tear, ran to class and don't late tomorrow. My buttocks as I went to class were hearing as if sitting in a burning jiko.. I dried the tears because my classmate would laugh at me for crying. When I entered class I walked slowly to my desk and when I tried to sit it was so pain I could not seet. So I seeted on air above my chair holding my desk. From that day I sweya I will never come to school late again even if the makaa was poured on water!!!. "Never regret, if its good, its wonderful. If its bad, its experience."
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/31/2008 Posts: 7,081 Location: Kenya
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C&P
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:
1. Feed him
2. Sleep with him
3. Leave him with peace
4. Don't check his phone (Msgs)
5. Don't bother him with his movements
So what's so hard about that?
HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY:
It's really not too difficult but... To make a woman happy, a man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a plumber
10. a mechanic
11. a carpenter
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. give her compliments regularly
45. go shopping with her
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. not stress her out
49. not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. give her lots of attention
51. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
BUT MOST OF ALL IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
53. never forget
*birthdays
*anniversaries
*valentine
*arrangements she makes
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